The Brain of Shawn

My office has been overrun with fruit flies. Mind you, my office is cleaner than it’s ever been — but the custodians haven’t been taking out my garbage, so apparently I now have a fruit fly version of Motel 6.

Sometimes the swarm is so bad that I want to gouge out my eyes, and this morning, that almost happened. I was innocently browsing some websites, and BAM, a fly few into my eye.

I didn’t know until this morning, but fruit flies are filled with some sort of industrial grade acid. I thought I was going to die. I yammered about my office, crying and moaning. I rubbed the bug guts from my face, and realized I couldn’t even go out looking for pity. I mean, it’s a fruit fly. Who’s going to feel sorry for me because a fruit fly flew into my eye.

Maybe I should lie and say it was a June Bug... They’re freakishly huge.