Month: April 2009

My Penguicon Schedule

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I’m being completely honest — I still find it a bit surreal people actually want to know my schedule at Penguicon this year. I’ve gotten several emails, tweets, and facebook something-or-others asking for it. It makes me feel a bit like the nerd that gets asked to the prom as a prank. If anyone throws eggs at me, I’ll be so angry.

Actually, being egged might be fun… ANYWAY, here’s my schedule:

May 1, 2009 10:00 pm
“Lightning Talks”
Featuring: Jorge Castro, Bill Childers, Jim Hall, Shawn Powers, Kyle Rankin, Catherine Devlin

May 2, 2009 1:00 pm
“Atari Competition”
Featuring: John Scalzi, Wil Wheaton, Shawn Powers
Atari competition for charity. Shawn Powers of Linux Journal & Wil Wheaton of Teh Internets & TV duel old-school style, with John Scalzi as the Master of Ceremonies. Watch while they beat each other senseless with Atari consoles. Hold on… Oh, that’s not… I’m told that they’ll actually be playing Atari console games against each other, which should result in a lot less blood.

May 2, 2009 6:00 pm
“Death of Retro Gaming”
Featuring: Wil Wheaton, Shawn Powers, Craig Maloney, Jeff Hanson
In the 70s, 80s, and 90s, arcades and old video game consoles like Atari were selling like hot cakes. What happened to this style of gaming? Are movies like King of Kong bringing the franchise back? This panel will discuss that and give newer game examples with the classic feel for the legacy gamer.

May 2, 2009 8:00 pm – 10:00 pm
“Taking Over the World with Penguins and Free Beer”
Featuring: Shawn Powers (with Bill Childers and Kyle Rankin for Q&A)
I’ll start with a talk about some of the problems we’ve had as a Linux community with really getting our operating system in the hearts and hands of desktop users. I’ll give a short history, describe some present problems, propose some ideas, and discuss some of the things I’ve learned as a journalist and sysadmin regarding the introduction of people to Linux. After my presentation, time for Q&A!

Amanda Starves, So Others Don’t Have To

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You may remember last year, my church youth group participated in the 30 Hour Famine to raise money for those in need. We’re doing it again this year, and our oldest girl, Amanda, is now old enough to be in youth group. I told her she could ask the people that read my blog if they’d like to donate, but she had to do it herself. So here she is:

To donate to Amanda online, follow this link. The famine is this weekend, so if you want to pledge but can’t actually donate for a few weeks — please just drop me an email letting me know your intent so we can get a total amount raised for the weekend.

Thanks for watching, this fundraiser is really powerful for the teens because for American teenagers 30 hours is a long time to go without food. For more details on the famine, check out that link at the beginning of this post to last year’s.

The Truth About Boxers and Briefs

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Max here prefers WonderDog Underoos over Superman -- but as long as you don't make him wear boxers, he won't bite you.This post crosses way over the line of TMI, but if you’re remotely interested in some insight into the boxer and brief debate, and not offended by references to dangley bits, this post might be educational. It might also be a complete farce, it’s hard to tell.

This evening, due to my inability to put my dirty clothes in the hamper, I have no clean underwear. I recently got out of the shower, and realized my situation too late to do much about it. So I grabbed a pair of boxer shorts and put them on. I really don’t like boxer shorts. So let’s talk about my misery a bit, OK?

  • Boxer shorts are not underwear. You can feel free to disagree with me, but sadly you’re wrong. (Hey, lay off, it’s my blog) Look at their name: “Boxer shorts“. They’re shorts. The only reason they’ve become synonymous with underwear is so many people wear them as such. It’s much easier to say, “I prefer boxers”, than to admit, “I actually don’t wear any underwear — but don’t worry I always wear a pair of shorts under my pants so if my zipper falls down you don’t need to call the cops”. See, the latter just doesn’t roll off the tongue as easily.
  • Before you start bragging about how great your boxer shorts are, take into account the real reason I think some of us prefer actual underwear. You ever been fishing? If you fish for little fish, like perch for instance, when you catch one you simply pull it out of the water dangling from your fishing line. It works great. If you go salmon fishing, however, you need a net to pull those big suckers in. I’m sure you see where I’m going with this.
  • I think boxers are more popular with people in their 20s because they weren’t alive in the time period that tight jeans were “in.” It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that wearing boxers while wearing tight jeans is an easy way pinch things off. I’m just saying.
  • It’s true there are lots of cool boxer shorts to be found. Cartoons characters, funny quips, strange designs, etc. Sadly, the days of awesome themed underwear are largely over for those of us that wear briefs. Back in the day, we could wear Underoos — but unfortunately I can’t find Superman undies in my size anymore. And yes, I’d probably wear them if I could. Shut up, you would too.
  • I realize some doctors recommend boxers for men that are having a hard time conceiving children. I say get a new doctor. Sorry guys, see above mentions of pinching things off. Sometimes you gotta get a second opinion.
  • Bikini things are not the same as briefs. Look, no one wants to see you in those. And if you’re an underwear model or something, and the ladiez really do want to see you in something that resembles a tiger-striped Speedo, chances are you’re not reading my blog anyway. One thing is for sure, none of the guys at the gym want to see you wearing that crap, so save it for jungle night at home or something. (And for the love of all that’s holy, don’t blog about it. Please.)
  • The flies in tighty-whiteys: No one actually threads their thing through that ridiculous maze of fabric in order to save the time it takes to pull down the front. Sorry of that steals the magic away for some of you, but it’s true. They are not functional as a weenie escape route, and even if you go through the trouble of doing so, let’s just say garden hoses aren’t the only things that kink.
  • So why are there double layers of cotton on the front of tighty-whiteys if you can’t use them for.. “that”? Ok, you asked. That dual layered front is for absorbency. Eiw right? Well, there is an unwritten law that says “Thou shall shake the drips off with 2 shakes only. Thou shall not shake more than twice. I meanest it, thou shall not. Three shakes is not OK, thou knowest it to be true…” So if the two shakes doesn’t sufficiently do the job, the two cotton layers are there to protect you from pee dots. Yeah, so what happens to your boxer friends after an unsuccessful double shake? Well lets just say they don’t have a double thick layer of cotton. Double Eiw.

    • And I think that will sufficiently gross enough people out to make up for my suffering in boxers this evening. I feel better. How about you? 😀

Real Life Zombies: Insomniacs

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Line #24 is BRAAAAIIIIINNNNSSSS. Most zombies hope by pickup line #23 they score... (I have no idea where it came from so I don't know who to credit.)At first glance, insomnia really does seem cool. No, I’m serious. I don’t know about you, but I’m often annoyed that I need to spend a third of my life pointlessly sleeping. I’ve got things to do man.

Unfortunately insomnia really isn’t as cool as just “never getting tired.” See, here it is almost midnight and I’m so absurdly tired that I have to concentrate on every word to make sure it makes sense. Dirt puddle fluffy leg McDoogle dryer. (hehehe, see what I did there…)

I figured I’d take this opportunity to dispel a few misconceptions about what it means to have insomnia. Yes, it means you can’t sleep, but there’s more to it than that:

  • Insomnia means you’re tired but can’t sleep. It doesn’t mean you’re not tired so you don’t sleep.
  • While some methods of curing (or at least remedying) sleeplessness work for some people, for others they don’t. My examples will be for my case, obviously.
  • Reading (again for me) doesn’t work, because I’m too tired to concentrate, so the book doesn’t soak in. It’s basically like reading strings of pointless words. That gets boring pretty quick
  • Counting sheep. Please. I could barely force myself to count sheep if I actually had sheep I was responsible to keep track of.
  • Over the counter drugs for sleep aid generally do make me go to sleep, but only in short, freakishly strange bouts of dreams. I get out of bed in the morning not only still tired, but as if I just lived through a season of the X-Files
  • Work. Sounds good right? Can’t sleep, just do some work. The problem is that my brain is silly putty, remember? Trust me you don’t want me configuring servers OR writing for a magazine in this state. You think I’m bizarre on a good day, just imagine “loopy” Shawn. It sounds better on paper, trust me.

To add insult to injury, in order to actually function the following day I usually need to caffeinate myself. I’m sure you see the problem that likely causes and the vicious circle I find myself in.

So as midnight looms and I’ve already tried for hours to sleep — I now go into the mode that I try relaxation techniques and such. If things go like they have been, about 4:30 I’ll start debating whether trying to go to bed will be worse than just staying up. 4:30 is about my “point of no return” time. About then I consider making coffee.

Sweet dreams everyone. 🙂

No Pants Wednesday

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No, I don't own these pants. But I would totally wear them if I did. :)There are some things I do that are almost too absurd to share with the public. Thankfully, this isn’t one of them. Plus, I “shared” with the public more than I ever intended to anyway…

This morning, due to insomnia problems, I was getting ready for work after my family had already left for school. As I was going through my groggy morning routine I got a call on my cellphone telling me every computer in our school district was frozen. I correctly assumed they didn’t mean the temperature had drastically dropped and rather they were all unresponsive.

My first response after hanging up was to blame the dog.

“Tux! Why are the new switches failing me!?!?!”

Submissive little creature that he is, Tux decided it was time to roll over and let me rub his tummy. I did so, but then scooped him up and put him in his dog crate. (See, Tux thinks alone time is best spent pooping and peeing on carpets, but that’s another story altogether)

I quickly found a pair of mismatched socks from the sock basket, my norm, and put them on. I sat on the couch and tied up my Converse All-Stars. Then as I sprinted through the dining room, I grabbed my tattered jean jacket from the back of the chair where I hung it last night.

Thankfully it’s still early spring here in Michigan. You see, in my haste and confusion I had forgotten to put on pants. The crisp April air on my ghostly white legs quickly pointed out the error. It’s quite possible the neighbor lady died of shock.

Rest assured I did go back inside and put on some pants. Which is good, because I also didn’t have my keys, so I would have been a pantsless maniac pounding on the outside of a school building. I’m pretty sure you go to jail for stuff like that…

Review: 2006 Layer Cake Primitivo

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If I had to choose between cake or death, I'd choose this. But I probably wouldn't choose it over actual cake...I’m not a wine pro by any stretch of the imagination, but this wine was something I just had to review. It’s weird.

The back of the bottle explains the name, “Layer Cake” by saying good wine should be like a layer cake. There should be a layer of chocolate, a layer of fruit, and a layer of spices. I liked the imagery, so bought the bottle. (Plus, the guy at the wine store said he liked it.)

Here’s my take. My metaphors may not be as colorful as Gary Vaynerchuk’s, but I’ll do my best:

The wine has nice color. It’s a Zinfandel, and has the deep color you’d expect to see. It’s fun on the nose. Not literally of course, but smelling it. It has a really powerful overripe fruit smell. It’s almost like fresh red licorice. It’s not like the dried out stuff, but that powerful almost chemical smell of fresh red licorice. It smells intriguing.

The taste is a bit startling. Now, I know you’d think if there’s a picture of cake on the bottle, I should expect it to be sweet. Honestly though, this Zinfandel is hard to place on the sweetness scale. I did not expect a dessert wine, but it’s definitely sweet. Sadly, not quite as sweet as a dessert wine would be. To me it’s tough to fit it anywhere.

As far as flavor (mid-palette I guess is the proper term), it’s fairly fruity, but there’s not much to write home about. I thought there would be more tannins based on how deep red it is, but really it’s a pretty simple wine. You can swish it as much as you want, and you’re not gonna get that much out of it. It doesn’t taste bad, it’s just not as exciting as I thought it would be based on the smell.

The finish, or as us hicks call it, “aftertaste” isn’t really great. My first thought was to describe it as though the wine was crapping in my mouth on the way down. The only lingering flavor is a weird bitter taste that just won’t go away. I’m normally a big fan of lingering flavor in wine — but I wish this one would stop. Please.

So while I have no idea how I’d rate it, I can tell you it’s not worth the $17.99 I paid for the bottle. It’s not bad enough I’ll dump it out, but I won’t buy it again. I also wanted to comment on the screw top. First off, I’m not a zealot. I have no problem with screw tops, rubber corks, or cork corks. I’ve had crappy varieties of all 3. In fact, some of the worst wine I’ve had has been under an actual cork. I’m fine with screw tops, I really am. The only thing I miss with them is the uncorking process, which I actually rather enjoy.

So there ya go. Layer Cake… Not so great actually, but better than no wine at all. If semi-sweet wine is your thing however, you might actually like this wine. If you find it on sale, pick some up. 🙂