Month: January 2010

And yet we’ve just begun the process. The world has gone forward, us included, yet it amazes me how tumultuous our lives remain. My family appreciates everyone’s continued thoughts and prayers. Donna went to the house for the first time since the fire yesterday, and it was really hard on her. I think if the home were completely burned, it would be easier to deal with — but it’s not. One room is completely destroyed, but the rest of the house is just blackened, twisted, and ominous. I mentioned last week on Twitter that our house seemed like a version in an alternate universe, where things were dark, desolate, and destroyed. It’s quite unpleasant to visit. I took a few pictures, but most don’t turn out well because everything is black and there is only the light filtered in through smoke and heat damaged windows.

This was the first thing we saw when the door was opened. Our new washer and dryer, completely white, were blackened and filthy looking.

For a contrast on how the house used to be, I moved a rug that was sitting on the kitchen floor. The white is the color everything used to be — now it’s all pitch black. It’s baked into every surface, and can’t be scraped away.

This photo is hard to make out, but here on the left is the remains of a bedroom floor. on the right is a gaping hole to the crawlspace below. This room completely burned, without even floor joists left in the center.

Just an example of the “alternate reality” appearance, here is our shower stall with shampoo in place, yet horrid looking.

Same with the (white) bathroom counter. This is where the girls primped and curled their hair for church, hours later it was converted to what you see here.

A rather disturbing image is the playroom. These are toys my niece just got for Christmas. The photo doesn’t really show just how black the black is.

Oddly, this hand-painted piece (a Christmas gift from a family friend) is seemingly unharmed. While you can’t tell from the photo, everything around it is completely black and stained. This bright orange painting is like a beacon in the center of destruction.

And lastly, blackened, slightly burned, yet still accurate. The sign that hangs above our hallway reads, “As for me and my family, we will serve the Lord.”

While I’ve been looking for a contact on the “inside” at Ganz, the makers of “Webkinz”, I sent this letter to their support email. My hope is that it finds someone that realizes the significance to a 9 year old girl:

Dear Webkinz,

My name is Shawn Powers, I’m an editor at Linux Journal, a Technology Director at a school district in Northern Michigan, and a father of 3 girls. I fully understand your account policy regarding forgotten passwords, but I’m hoping there is some way we can work together so my daughter can access her account again.

Last Sunday, my family lost our house to a fire while we were at church. While no one was home, unfortunately our dogs and cat were trapped inside and perished. To add additional pain to misery, when we were able to get laptops for the kids to use — our youngest was unable to log into her webkinz account. Apparently she had recently changed her password, but she remembered it incorrectly. Since the only way to recover a password is with a secret code, which burned in the fire, not only has Lizzie lost her real pets, but also her virtual ones.

I can provide every reference, recommendation, professional contact, identification, history, etc. that you might want. I just want to give my daughter a little bit of the “home” she lost. I realize it would go against your policy, but even if you can change her password back to what it was before her most recent change — that would likely do the trick.

Her login is: HIDDEN
She thought her password was: HIDDEN
She says the password before that was: HIDDEN

If her recollection of the animals in her account will help verify it’s really her, I can ask her to describe them to me.

Thank you for any help you can offer,
-Shawn Powers

If you know anyone at Ganz, please send ’em my way. 🙂

UPDATE: She got her account back! Thanks everyone!

I know none of you have helped us looking for our gratitude as motivation. I know you’ve all given gifts, emails, encouragement, kind thoughts, and a million other things purely because you’re wonderful people. I think that is the reason I want to track everyone down and blubber over them with thankfulness. I apologize for the virtual snot and tears on your shoulder.

I also know none of you are offended or put off that we’ve been largely silent as unprecedented physical and emotional needs have been filled beyond capacity. I know (because so many of you have told me) that you don’t want me to think about relaying our gratitude, expressing our thanks, or worrying about slighting someone in their well-deserved pat on the back. And again, it’s because you are responding in that way I feel even more compelled to do so! For the time being, I will accept your advice though. I get to spend the rest of my life returning kindness and caring — and even though I doubt I’ll be able to tip that balance back to even, that’s sort of the point of it. I get it. Part of being so humbled by experiences like this is allowing (or even forcing) yourself to actually be humble. I can’t make this up to everyone. So my goal is to trudge forward with my family, and try to be the person you’ve all cared enough to support. Please know that my gratitude is such that I can’t find the way to express it. And I’m a writer, words are sorta my thing. 🙂

I’ll let Sheldon Cooper help me struggle through how to show gratitude…

I think that’s the part that amazes me. Well, OK, I think the outpouring love on my family is the bigger amazement. Still, I have been so busy over the past 3 days, I’ve had little time to do much more than “keep going”. I want to give you all an update, because you’ve shown an interest in our well-being that I’m ashamed to admit I never knew existed. Humility, overwhelmedness, tears, repeat often. 🙂

* I got a hair cut. While not as important as getting clean underwear, it was getting up there in the “people will start pointing” scale. I normally cut my own hair, so had to take an unfamiliar trip to the local barber. He refused to take money for the trim. Funny thing is, his kindness will earn him a lifetime client.

* We have phone service and Internet service. There’s a bit of a story here, but I should precede by explaining why it was so important. In the rental home that was so graciously opened up for us, there is no phone. There is also no Internet access. All that would be fine, but it’s nestled down near the river and cellphone coverage is such that a person must stand on one foot while dipping their finger in icewater and licking a metal spoon in order to make a phone call. With our recent circumstances, the inability to make emergency phone calls is more than a bit unsettling. I scheduled for installation, but the quickest turnaround time was Wednesday afternoon for Internet, and Thursday for phone. Concerned about the anxiety level isolation was bringing, I sent a tweet to Eric over at Charter, and in less than 15 minutes a technician was on site to install both. I will never doubt Eric’s super powers again. Or his kindness.

* So yeah, I have reliable Internet service now. You’ll be hearing from me a lot more often. Mwa ha ha. 🙂

* I did not get to the house today to shoot video. It’s amazing how much work is involved with getting this paperwork signed, that agreement agreed upon, this utility activated, that contractor scheduled, etc, etc. I hope to get some better photos and some video soon. Most of my family hasn’t seen the house either, and while they don’t want to go into the building, seeing the aftermath is something of interest. Perhaps to you too.

* I have a PO Box now. Sadly, I don’t remember what the number is. I know, pathetic. I have to figure out the address soon, because my key will only open one of those magical boxes, and trying each one is probably a felony. I’ll let everyone know when I figure it out. I’ll even write it down!

* We have continued to use the money donated to buy the essentials we need to live normally. With the processes in place for purchase, claim, submit, approve, reimburse — getting any money from our Insurance company is much more of a long term endeavor than something we can rely on. Most recently, Donna bought a rug to cover the cold floor in our new living room. It’s quite fuzzy. You’d like it.

* I know I’m still behind on replies. The reasons are many-fold. Like the title of this post says, it’s only day 3. It feels like eons ago our house was on fire — but I guess it’s just been so hectic it feels long ago. Also, I am still using the little netbook to type. My hands get angry with me after a short while. They’re quite miffed right now in fact, and I’ll be closing this blog entry soon.

* You may have read my little “Snowflake” story. While certainly a cheesy representation of the love you’ve all poured out on my family, I just wanted to come up with something other than “Thank You”. I worry if I keep saying “Thank You” it will sound less sincere. It’s not. You’ve all, ALL been so amazing to my family. I can easily name more blessings we’ve experienced from this tragedy than devastation. And yes, I do realize how significant that sounds. It’s true. For that, and everything else, thank you. 🙂

The wind was blowing hard, but it didn’t offer any relief. In fact it was much like a dragon trying to cool off a hot cup of tea by blowing on it. The sun pressed down so hard on Jade’s head, its flaming tendrils wiggled their punishment through the holes in the straw cap he was wearing. It seemed as if the straw was sucking water from his head, and while drinking the perspiration directly didn’t exactly sound fun — Jade was still angry at the hat for its thievery.

The forecast was for rain, and on the horizon dark clouds loomed with glorious beauty. But here, it was hot. Really hot. Jade kept trudging along though, he was prepared for this journey. No, he didn’t want the truck to break down in the middle of the desert, but he had all he needed to survive. As long as he maintained focus on the dark, wicked, beautiful storm clouds, the walk didn’t seem so bad.

God, however, had a sense of humor. In the middle of the Arizona desert, there was a cottonwood tree somewhere blissfully unaware of the inhospitable environment. Those stupid little fluff balls kept blocking Jade’s view of the torrential downpour he was heading for. HE DIDN’T DESERVE THIS! Like the straw hat, he was sure the little cottonwood fluffs were robbing the precious little water his body was squirting out of his overworked sweat glands. Those stupid little trees will probably even sprout, using HIS sweat to nurture them.

The cottonwood fluff got thicker and thicker. There were moments Jade couldn’t even tell if the storm was still ahead. All he could see was fluff! What if he turned in the wrong direction? What if the storm dissipated? What if he choked to death on cottonwood fluff?!?!

Jade had enough. He looked up to the sky and screamed with all his might, “WHY!?!?!! Why would you send a fluff storm when I need water?!?! It’s HOT out here! I’m going to die before I ever get to the storm! I don’t understand why you…”

Jade stopped short. The screaming made him feel better. Much better. It wasn’t because of some cathartic outpouring of hostilities though, Jade felt better because of the cotton fluff that fell into his mouth. It… It was refreshing. It was cold. It was SNOW! Jade had been batting SNOW away from his face! He took a moment to look around, and found that in the middle of the Arizona desert he was surrounded by piles of snow.

Jade was right. He didn’t deserve this. The sun was still beating down on him, but as he rolled around in the snow, he realized that it wasn’t about deserving or not deserving. It wasn’t about logic. It wasn’t about weather patterns. Somewhere, someone cared enough to not only send him water — but send him snow. So rather than trying to explain it, rather than trying to refuse it — Jade just appreciated it. And instead of trying to get to the rain, he just stayed where he was and knew things were going to be OK.

Thank you for snowing on me and my family. Thank you for keeping me from being a jaded Jade myself. Thank you for providing me with more than the water I need, but giving me a snowstorm in the desert. I now understand it’s not about deserving, or earning, or even understanding. Sometimes you just have to enjoy the snow. 🙂

You’ll have to trust me that the significance of this is much greater to myself and my family than I expect it to be anyone reading. (Well, maybe for my friend Josh, who hosted my family last night. He’s heard way more than a dude should hear about another dude’s lack of clean underwear.)

Silliness aside, I managed to tether my Droid to my work netbook and attain enough signal to click “send” successfully. Or, I think I will. I managed to get this page to load anyway. 🙂 Here’s a quick update on what your donations have done. I’ll do my best to get some photos and possibly video tomorrow. I’m just hoping for text success today!

* Donna went to the store and purchased our family all new coats. We decided coats, snow pants, gloves, hats, etc. were things that made sense to purchase new. While we have been given a few coats for the kids to wear in the short term, they suffered from varying degrees of not-quite-fitting. They also were significantly different in actual insulating abilities. Again, it’s not that we weren’t grateful to cover the kid’s bodies — it’s just that purchasing such things made sense to us. (I only elaborate because while you haven’t asked for a play by play, it seems you all have some vested interest in such things. Pun shamelessly intended)

* Many people have asked if we have insurance. In fact, we do, and we’re so thankful. Since we have insurance, I honestly felt bad accepting such gracious gifts from people. As it turns out, the insurance wheels turn amazingly slow, however. While everyone has been wonderful, agent wise, the truth is these things take TIME. More so than I ever imagined. So you have all provided us with flexibility and comfort in a very rough time. Again, my gratitude is indescribable.

* I’m not good at asking for help. Those of you that know me personally probably know that. Thank you so much for not giving me an option. My family deserves the attention, and my inability to “make it all better” is humbling. You are helping in more ways than cash and gifts might seem. You’re showing my family you care about them — and that is huge.

* I’ve been asked vi email, IM, SMS, Yammer, Facebook, Twitter, Phone, Voicemail, (I’d say smoke signals, but that seems in poor taste), etc. about a few specific things:

1) Our girl’s sizes. I don’t know. I know that’s lame, but I don’t. I could say “uh, girl” — but that doesn’t actually help as much as I’d like it to. Fortunately, there are many people in our immediate vicinity that do know their sizes. Our girls were inundated with clothes, which we are very thankful for, and quite honestly we don’t have room for anything else right now. That’s not to say we won’t have that particular need in the near future, but right now we’re doing well clothing-wise. Once Donna gets online she will probably have more details.

2) Stuff for the family. This one is the hardest for me. I’m not saying that to be falsely humble, it’s just that since we’re alive, together, and warm — the rest seems selfish or arrogant to hope for. However, I see my children suffering emotionally. I can’t fix it. I desperately feel the need to fix it, but I can’t. So I will share things that I think will make a difference in their happiness. No, “stuff” won’t fix it, but I think there may be a value in pleasant distractions. I assure you my children (as Donna and myself) are treating everyone’s grace with as much humility as is possible. I have a few small things in mind, but as there is a huge coordinated effort in play already, I’ll try to make it so that we don’t end up with 374 sock monkeys from ThinkGeek. (That’s actually one of the Christmas presents our youngest misses the most. She’s such a geek in training!)

3) Stuff for Donna. You’d like my wife. Really. She’s an incredibly cool person. While there are a few things I’m trying to get set up for her, (Kindle & Laptop were destroyed), apart from reading materials and her Bible — she has few desires. Donna is the queen of “cool pen” collecting, so if you happen to have or know of some really cool pens, know that her collection is gone. (It’s not really a collection, but I tease her about it because she had so many pens)

4) Stuff for Me. I know I come across as the guy with a million toys, but honestly, there’s not much I need. I will probably spend some of the donated money to purchase some specialty equipment for creating videos. My Wacom tablet was destroyed, along with my desktop machine I used for doing such things. I’ve also accepted the offer of a laptop after much debate. See, I do have the use of a netbook, but it turns out the little beastie is rather hard to use as a main machine. Maybe I’m getting old. 🙂

* My address is currently in flux. I fully expect we’ll be at our current location for the next 2-6 months, but the address is a bit of a sticky wicket. The rental house itself is too close to the post office in town, so it can’t have mail delivered directly to it. However, today was Martin Luther King Jr. day, so the post office was closed. Basically we have no mailing address. The street address (for UPS/FedEx) has changed over the past few years, and no one is quite sure what the name of the street is. I know this first hand, as I was on the phone for over an hour with the cable company trying to figure out how I could get Internet service installed. If you have a desire to send my family something, there are a couple surefire ways to get them to us. Carlie, my boss over at Linux Journal, has offered to be a clearinghouse for such things. Just drop her an email at carlie@linuxjournal.com for more details. I will post my PO Box as soon as I get it, but right now it just doesn’t exist yet.

* The House. It’s in bad shape. I plan to get some footage tomorrow, and hopefully upload to show you all. While not official, most of the people I spoke with today expect the house will be a total loss. Since it’s completely standing, and shows no outward signs of damage — that’s odd to hear, but I’ll have more details tomorrow. I will say it’s deeply disturbing to go into the house. It’s almost like stepping into a horrid, dark, putrid alternate reality.

Ok, I didn’t mean to yammer on so long. This is just the first opportunity I’ve had to do a brain dump, and wanted to take advantage of it. More soon, and thank you all for the support you’ve given us. I’m still not sure what we did to deserve such treatment, but I’m certainly grateful we did. This has been rough couple days, and you’ve ALL smoothed over the rough parts a bit.

Wow. You’d think I’d have something a bit more profound to say, but perhaps I’m still in shock. So, wow. Here’s a quick update:

* We’re all OK. We were at church during the fire.

* Our house did burn, but is still standing. The fireman said it was likely because it’s winter, and the house was sealed up, so there wasn’t enough oxygen to keep the flames going. The part of the house where the main electrical line comes in is completely burned away, you can look down into the crawlspace from the bedroom door. While not official, the firemen think the main line in the crawl space is what caused the fire.

* Sadly, our 2 dogs (Tigger & Tux), our cat (Kiki), and my sister in law’s 2 dogs (Bruno & Ella) all perished in the fire. Their loss is the roughest part right now, as everything else that was lost is just stuff.

* The insurance company wasn’t reachable today. While I’m not sure if they’ll consider the house a complete loss, or will requisition to have it fixed, rest assured we do have insurance.

But all that isn’t why I came into work so I could update my website. The world could have waited a day to find out more details. I decided to drive into my office and update my website (while Donna is off buying underwear and such) because of how amazing everyone has been to us. Here’s a few of the things, other than our house burning down, that have been going on today:

* Before the fire was even extinguished, we had a place to stay tonight offered by friends.

* Before the fire trucks were gone, another friend from town offered to let us stay in a rental property he has while our insurance things are being worked out.

* The Red Cross tracked us down and gave us money to buy food and clothes.

* My cellphone (the one I have with me, my personal cellphone was in the house) hasn’t stopped buzzing from emails, tweets, facebook messages, text messages, etc. I have cried more today due to the outpouring of love than I have from the grief of loss. There really aren’t words to relay my thanks.

* Linux Journal put up a “Chip In” page, which is literally a link that people can send us money directly to my paypal account. It’s 7:00PM, and there’s already over two thousand dollars donated. That’s real money from real people, and we’re really humbled.

I really don’t know what to say. I really don’t. “Thank You” certainly doesn’t seem sufficient, but I think it’s all I can offer. So many people have contacted me, that I have no hope of responding to everyone, at least not in the short term. Just know that you’ve made me cry, in a good way, and today — that’s quite a feat.

So again, thank you. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. Thank you for your emails. Thank you for you cash donations. Thank you for caring. Because really, if nothing else, I’ve felt as though we are important to you all, and that has been amazing to experience.

-Shawn, from work.