The Plant Kingdom Follows Google’s Lead

In an unexpected announcement today, the Plant Kingdom spokesman, Fern Dirtlicker, told press, “providing oxygen free of charge no longer fits into our business plan.” When asked if the Plant Kingdom will offer a subscription service, or possibly sell the oxygen manufacturing industry to another company, Fern replied, “Nope. We’re just not going to do […]

I Don’t Truly Admire Many People. Fred Rogers, I Do.

Today would have been Mr. Rogers’ 85th birthday. If you were a child in the 70s, 80s, or 90s, you know Mr. Rogers. Heck, I don’t even remember my childhood, and I still know this man. I look at the fast paced lives my kids are growing up in, and it makes me sad to […]

The Defender of the Office Realm

  The office realm was a happy place. Mondays came, and Mondays went — but the supply of Monday repellant was always plentiful and hot. But then one foul, foul day, something horrible happened. The Elixir of Promised Fridays disappeared! Knowing the Office Realm could not survive under such dire circumstances, the king decided to […]

The Very Super Powers

My family rocks. In fact, they’re the reason I work so hard. These are the people who inspire me to do my best. Heck, I moved my family across the state so these ladies would be guaranteed a university education (free tuition is a perk of my new job).   So is this a post […]

Sometimes Our Autofocus Is Dumb

Let me tell you two different stories: Greg jerked out of his fitful slumber because a cold draft snuck under the covers when his wife got out of bed. After quickly sealing himself back into his burrito-like cocoon, he realized that warm or not, his aching back wouldn’t allow him to sleep. With all the […]

37.5 Years

That’s how long it took before I had to shave my face every day. Since I know guys that had to shave at 12, I refuse to believe this revelation marks me as a “grown up” — I sincerely hope that day never comes. For the record, I hate shaving. I’ve never really liked it, […]

New Year’s Resolutions – 2014

Write a book of fiction, just to see if I can. I’m making this resolution a year in advance so that perhaps I can get my life in order enough that devoting time to writing fiction might be practical. I have plenty of ideas for books, but fleshing them into more than napkin-sized scribbles is […]

Writer’s Block – It’s Not a Dry Well…

It’s a clogged pipe. I’m a regular sufferer of writer’s block, and for years I had a deep seated fear it meant I had run out of ideas. Or creativity. Or grey matter. Perhaps that’s true, but since that is depressing and impossible to fix, I decided to declare it a total lie. And now […]

The Obligatory Resolutions Post

I’m normally not a fan of New Year’s resolutions. You never hear anything thing about them after about January 2nd, and they’re often unrealistic and too general. As it happens, I’m actually at a point that I need to make some major changes, and I’m also at the point that I actually realize it. It’s […]

In Which Shawn Clarifies His Opinion of Westboro Baptist Church

Perhaps it’s naïveté, perhaps it’s absentmindedness, or perhaps it’s just that people don’t know me as well as I think they do — but yesterday I tweeted something that confused about half the folks who read it: The problem is that I assumed everyone would KNOW I was being completely sarcastic in regards to “thanking” Westboro. […]