December 11, 2011
Title: “I’ve got this job for you…”
Verses: Matthew 1:18-25

(NOTE: The recording quality isn’t great on this, my apologies)

Thanksgiving Sermon
November 27, 2011
Title: Stuff
Verses: Luke 18:18-23

For some reason people want to see video proof of Flo’s suckitude. Here’s the latest cut…

The winning bookmarks, of which there are 12 or so, are being printed and laminated to give out in the library. I think it’s an awesome way for kids to see their artwork appreciated by others. Unfortunately, it does cost quite a bit to print & laminate them. It got me to thinking… I wonder if people would buy them if the library made them available for sale on Teh Internets. We’d have to get school board approval, etc, etc, but if they each sold for $1 or $2 including shipping, they’d recoup that toner/plastic cost in no time.

What do you think, Internets, would you buy a hand crafted bookmark designed by a book-loving elementary child? What if the proceeds benefited the library itself? Should I push my darling wife to get board approval for such an endeavor?

Also — CONGRATS LYDIA! Way to go!!!!

• Our community is pretty conservative, so graphic alien on alien action is likely a deal breaker.
• Please don’t recommend a book that is in the middle of a series. Recommend the whole series. Seriously, my OCD can’t handle that nonsense.
• Newer authors are encouraged. The classics are certainly not to be left out, but really — we want to introduce kids to new authors as well.
• I think that’s it!

So please, leave your thoughts in the comments. Also, if you know anyone that would have an opinion on the issue, please pass a link along. I’m really hoping to get a good list together for her. Thank you!

By the end of break, I had hoped we’d be moved over to a SAN based storage system, and that LTSP5 would be working on our really old hardware. That, sadly, didn’t happen. Even worse is that when I went home on Saturday my head was aching, and it turned into a knock down, drag out migraine that is still pounding quite severely. But the show must go on.

So here I am, at work with a pounding headache. It’s 11:30PM on Sunday night, but it needs to be done. Also for the record, 2010 sucks so far.

I Believe Anti-Lock Brakes Stop on Ice Better Than Humans

Back in my last rant, I pointed out that it seems as though anti-lock brakes do a worse job of stopping than I can do with my human brain and soft pedal touch. Ryder argued that studies have been done (I didn’t bother checking, but let’s assume it’s true) proving anti-lock brakes stop on ice significantly better than any human can manage. For the sake of argument, I’ll agree. But that’s not actually what I hate about anti-lock brakes.

I Believe Anti-Lock Brakes Treat Drivers Like Idiots

And you know what? Many drivers are idiots, so perhaps this is a good thing. I just want the option to turn them off. The thing that really irks me, is “stopping” isn’t always the best course of action in a slippery situation. Anti-lock brakes take away any options a smart, quick thinking driver might utilize. Want to ditch the car? Good luck, a tap on the brakes will take away any maneuvering abilities you may have had. Want to powerslide to point your car in the “least likely to kill anyone” position as you slide past a stop sign? Again, no chance because your brake pedal has grown a mind of its own.

So there it is. I think anti-lock brakes are great for people that need them. I think anti-lock brakes are great for people who aren’t sure if they need them, because they probably do. Heck, I’m SO GLAD anti-lock brakes are in the vehicles of people that slam on the brakes and scream when they approach a stoplight on icy roads.

But honestly, I think I’m a better driver than the computer that pumps the brakes eleventy hundred times a second. Sure, it can stop in a straight line stop on bare ice faster than I can — but there’s more to driving than pumping the brakes, and I think my foot has the upper hand.

Or soy beans.

Or John Scalzi

Or Buckeyes.

Or humidity.

Or the occasional pig farm.

Or John Scalzi’s Cat

Or maybe it’s just on your way to somewhere.

Whatever your reason, I’ll tell you why I’M going to Ohio:

And in the words of Levar Burton, don’t take my word for it — come see for yourself!!! It’s free, it’s nerdy, and it’s so cool even me being a keynote speaker can’t ruin it. See you there?

Squirt salt water up one nostril, let it circulate in your cranium, and then drain out the other side.

It’s one of the strangest pseudo-medical things I’ve ever done. It feels about as exciting as it sounds. I don’t think it does anything useful, but there are a few interesting side effects:

1. You can feel your sinuses fill with water. It’s a little like getting a snoot full of pool water on accident, but without the chlorine
2. If your nose is slightly stuffy, the pressure induced by the squeeze bottle will do many interesting things to your eyes and ears. Namely, make them uncomfortable.
3. You look and feel like a complete idiot, and the logic of sinus squirting rivals that of snipe hunting. Apparently it’s a real thing though. I guess.
4. The most interesting side effect however, is that minutes, hours, or even days later, a gush of trapped water will work its way out and and effectively spew soggy nose goblins all over the table/computer/dinnerplate/date you are sitting near. You will have no warning, and no chance of stopping the flow.

Thanks a ton, Oprah.

This evening, due to my inability to put my dirty clothes in the hamper, I have no clean underwear. I recently got out of the shower, and realized my situation too late to do much about it. So I grabbed a pair of boxer shorts and put them on. I really don’t like boxer shorts. So let’s talk about my misery a bit, OK?

• Boxer shorts are not underwear. You can feel free to disagree with me, but sadly you’re wrong. (Hey, lay off, it’s my blog) Look at their name: “Boxer shorts“. They’re shorts. The only reason they’ve become synonymous with underwear is so many people wear them as such. It’s much easier to say, “I prefer boxers”, than to admit, “I actually don’t wear any underwear — but don’t worry I always wear a pair of shorts under my pants so if my zipper falls down you don’t need to call the cops”. See, the latter just doesn’t roll off the tongue as easily.
• Before you start bragging about how great your boxer shorts are, take into account the real reason I think some of us prefer actual underwear. You ever been fishing? If you fish for little fish, like perch for instance, when you catch one you simply pull it out of the water dangling from your fishing line. It works great. If you go salmon fishing, however, you need a net to pull those big suckers in. I’m sure you see where I’m going with this.
• I think boxers are more popular with people in their 20s because they weren’t alive in the time period that tight jeans were “in.” It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that wearing boxers while wearing tight jeans is an easy way pinch things off. I’m just saying.
• It’s true there are lots of cool boxer shorts to be found. Cartoons characters, funny quips, strange designs, etc. Sadly, the days of awesome themed underwear are largely over for those of us that wear briefs. Back in the day, we could wear Underoos — but unfortunately I can’t find Superman undies in my size anymore. And yes, I’d probably wear them if I could. Shut up, you would too.
• I realize some doctors recommend boxers for men that are having a hard time conceiving children. I say get a new doctor. Sorry guys, see above mentions of pinching things off. Sometimes you gotta get a second opinion.
• Bikini things are not the same as briefs. Look, no one wants to see you in those. And if you’re an underwear model or something, and the ladiez really do want to see you in something that resembles a tiger-striped Speedo, chances are you’re not reading my blog anyway. One thing is for sure, none of the guys at the gym want to see you wearing that crap, so save it for jungle night at home or something. (And for the love of all that’s holy, don’t blog about it. Please.)
• The flies in tighty-whiteys: No one actually threads their thing through that ridiculous maze of fabric in order to save the time it takes to pull down the front. Sorry of that steals the magic away for some of you, but it’s true. They are not functional as a weenie escape route, and even if you go through the trouble of doing so, let’s just say garden hoses aren’t the only things that kink.
• So why are there double layers of cotton on the front of tighty-whiteys if you can’t use them for.. “that”? Ok, you asked. That dual layered front is for absorbency. Eiw right? Well, there is an unwritten law that says “Thou shall shake the drips off with 2 shakes only. Thou shall not shake more than twice. I meanest it, thou shall not. Three shakes is not OK, thou knowest it to be true…” So if the two shakes doesn’t sufficiently do the job, the two cotton layers are there to protect you from pee dots. Yeah, so what happens to your boxer friends after an unsuccessful double shake? Well lets just say they don’t have a double thick layer of cotton. Double Eiw.

And I think that will sufficiently gross enough people out to make up for my suffering in boxers this evening. I feel better. How about you?

1) I am not the one that locked the keys in the car. I think that’s important to note. So, noted.

2) Our van is a 2007 Caravan, and doesn’t lend itself to jamming a coat hanger anywhere. Well, not with any actual hopes of doing anything useful.

3) I used the piece of plastic (a cheap cutting board) to jam in between the door and the car. The baffles that prohibit stuff getting jammed in there are pretty easily (read: hour of jamming and wedging) fooled by a piece of stiff yet flexible plastic.

4) Once I had the plastic half in and half out, I poked a hole in the plastic and set a snare with the string.

5) Using physics to both bend the plastic so it would properly lasso the lock mechanism, and gravity to aid in the targeting system, I looped a slip knot around the lock and snugged it up.

6) I shimmied the string up the plastic sheet and then tugged to unlock the door.

7) The theft deterrent system immediately honked my victory to the neighborhood.

For those of you that are visual learners, here’s a reenactment of the whole thing:

Here’s my problem: After my car accident, I don’t really recall all the music that I used to. I know of many artists, but my knowledge is usually responsive rather than something I can call up at will. (ie, I hear a song and I recognize it, but I’d never think of it before hearing it first)

I’m hoping those that read my blog can help with directing me to songs I might like. Please don’t hesitate to suggest something. My likes are widely varied, and change from day to day. The kind of music I really want to rediscover would be music that:

• Shows off really good vocals
• Showcases unique vocal talents, a voice that is easily identifiable.
• I prefer lighter instruments. If it’s not terribly clear, I’m big on vocals.
• Art trumps perfection. The reason Miles Davis was so great was that he was perfect at his imperfections. The way he would fall off a note at the perfect time would add character not attainable with mere musical perfection. You can feel free to disagree, but that’s the kind of music I’m looking for. (Ironic I used an instrumental musician to showcase what I mean about vocals I really like — but a really good instrument counts too. Maybe it’s not just the human voice I like.)
• I really hope for specific song suggestions. Norah Jones, for example, I find to be absolutely brilliant. I don’t *feel* all of her songs though. So please, be specific.

So what do you think? Do you have any suggestions? Here are some random artists I enjoy from time to time:

Norah Jones, Jane’s Addiction, Nirvana, 3rd Day, Barry Manilow, Randy Travis, The Carpenters, Elton John, REM. I know there are tons more, but sadly I just can’t recall all the good ones. Please help me.

Some of you may have seen my tweet about it earlier. The part that was really interesting for me is that a former student was chatting with me over IM while I was assembling it, walking me through some of the things that have changed since I last built a white box machine. (Several years)

He also chatted with me on Wednesday, because along with being uncertain about how to put the things together, I also wasn’t sure what kids are buying these days. I was struck by the notion that memory is once again meant to be bought in pairs. It made me chuckle a bit, because I remember buying 30 pin memory in sets of 2 or sets of 4 because you had to. It was also the era that CPU fans weren’t heard of, and we had to worry about IRQ and memory address settings on our ISA cards. But I digress.

It was a fun time, and great to see a student and friend doing so well.

Oh, and for those of you wondering what the computer is for — I’m trying to see if off-the-shelf hardware might work to replace some of our Mac hardware that has fallen out of warranty. If the EFI-X chip I bought works well, we might be able to save some money. If it doesn’t work well, well at least I’ll have an interesting triple boot machine. And that’s pretty cool.

I’ve had this discussion in real life, and people say they are annoyed by the black bars on the side of the television if they watch it in the native aspect ratio. These are (ironically) the same people that bought “fullscreen” DVDs because they didn’t like the black bars on the top and bottom of their old 4×3 televisions. Fullscreen DVDs are wrong. Stretched 4×3 video is even wronger. Just don’t do it, you make big screen TV people everywhere look bad.

Now go rent Star Trek the Next Generation, and watch it like it’s supposed to look. You won’t be sorry.

UPDATE: OMG, I see THIS on Engadget today. Can you imagine the insanity?!?!?!

I’d like to take this time to share my views on speaking to your kids about drugs. Do it. Often.

Yes, yes, that’s a pretty common mantra, “Talk to your kids about drugs.” What I want to stress though, is that you really need to talk with them about drugs. Openly. Freely. With it being OK to joke about it, and ask questions, and be comfortable about the topic. We should discourage drug use, but encourage drug awareness.

If your child associates “drug talks” as some dark, threatening, awkward thing that must be endured from parents — your talks will do very little once your child grows “wings” of their own. Don’t let that happen. Make it so that your kids know more about drugs than the peers trying to force them into it. Let your kid be the one that confidently and correctly calls them idiots for doing drugs.

Ok, that’s my public service message. I’m proud of Amanda. She’s awesome.

UPDATE: 10:30 — still here.
UPDATE: 11:30 — uh hu. Still here.
UPDATE: 12:24 — going home. Gotta work in a few hours!
UPDATE: 12:56 — OK, I forgot a server that needed to be updated. Really going home now…

Donna loves books, so I’m sure her enthusiasm came through in the interview. AND, the library is conveniently located approximately 2 feet from my office! (This is a good thing, my wife is teh awesome.)

So if you see my wife, be sure to congratulate her.

So is the truth less exciting than you’d hoped, or more far fetched than you’d imagined? Either way, feel free to keep eating turkey sandwiches.

If you are unable to create your software in a way that follows standards clearly put forth by Apple, Microsoft, etc — please don’t sell software. As a possible exception, if you feel the need to create non-standard software that only works on a standalone computer and only works for the user that installed it, offer instructions on how you’ve done your misdeeds, so someone like me can fix it post-install. As a last resort, if you must sell absurdly written, voodoo requiring software, advertise in your sales pitch that it’s total crap and will only work if you use it at home. Institutions actually rely on well designed software, so that our network infrastructure can like, function and stuff.

I’m talking to you Adobe.
I’m talking to you Inspiration.
I’m talking to you Microsoft, but I know you’re not listening.

I’m sick of writing scripts, moving folders, creating aliases/symlinks, chmod -R 777ing, and otherwise borking my workstations so we can use your new whizbang crap. I hate you all, just so you know.

Anyway, today, we had an after school gaming program. Thankfully, I just happen to have some recent experience on some free multiplayer games. Yep, there was a lab full of kids playing open source games, and loving it. No, they weren’t using Linux — but hey, baby steps. At least all the students are familiar with Linux!

It went great, and it’s tied into tutoring of At-Risk kids, so it’s a win-win situation. Well, I didn’t win much, but the kids do.

UPDATE: Huh, 3 links to Linux Journal in one post. I’m feeling a bit like a fan boy. Here: Have a couple other links not related to Linux. (BTW, that Garfield comic is one of my favorites!)

Hope your day is going well. I’m looking VERY forward to dinner, because I’m incredibly hungry. I have a bit of a headache too, but hopefully that will go away with food.

Thankfully, I packed like a homeless man, and all my clothes and books are in a briefcase. (heh, briefs in a briefcase. And yes, I realize homeless folks don’t usually have briefcases.) The downside is that I need to lug that and my laptop case around to all the conference sessions today. If I’m lucky, I can get into my room long enough to throw my stuff on the bed and RUN back to the dinner buffet. Since all I’ve eaten today is granola bars and fruit roll-ups, I’m really looking forward to dinner!

Wish me luck!