December 11, 2011
Title: “I’ve got this job for you…”
Verses: Matthew 1:18-25

(NOTE: The recording quality isn’t great on this, my apologies)

Thanksgiving Sermon
November 27, 2011
Title: Stuff
Verses: Luke 18:18-23

2% Success, 110% Awesome

Since my wife Donna is a high school volleyball coach, Lydia gets to (or has to) sit through the older girl’s practice every day after school. Lydia has an incredible desire to play volleyball, but her very small frame works against her. In this photo you see her serving. Every day at practice she takes an empty net, and serves at least 50 balls. At the beginning of the season, the balls rarely made it to the net, much less make it over. It’s been a couple months, and due to her persistence, she now usually gets one or maybe two balls over the net every day.

For you math nuts, that means she only has a 2% success rate, or a 98% failure rate. For you coaches, athletes, parents, teachers, students and adults — it means she’s a girl that refuses to give up. Refuses.

Lydia, you inspire me. If Mom’s volleyball team was half as determined as you are, they’d be unbeatable. If I had a quarter of your motivation, I’d be running marathons by now. And if our political leaders had a tenth of your passion, our country would look a heck of a lot different. Lydia, you inspire me. Thank you for being so awesome.

Happy Birthday Choochie, I love you!

Our kids are spending the week with their aunt and uncle, and our college kid is staying home to take care of the house and animals. My boss at the school warned me that working remotely during my honeymoon would be considered insubordination. I think I like him.

We’ve packed swimsuits, books, and not much else. As it turns out, the weather here in northern Michigan will be in the mid 90s while we’re gone, and in Cancun the temperature will only be in the mid 80s. That amuses me immensely. Anyway, if you don’t hear from me here or on Twitter, take that as a good thing. Still, we’ll have wifi and cameras, I suspect we’ll want to share a bit while we’re there. (So me tweeting doesn’t signify marital problems, lol!)

I hope your week is wonderful, but unless you’re going on a fancy vacation, I hope our week is slightly more wonderfuller than yours. No offense.

Unfortunately, after 10 months of effort, she hasn’t gotten any better at housebreaking. In fact, we’ve remodeled our kitchen to keep the dogs away from the carpet, because regardless of our efforts, Phoebe poops and pees everywhere.

If you’re thinking we’re just silly, naive humans — please understand Donna and me have had dogs our whole lives. We have housebroken countless dogs, some more difficult than others, and always been able to teach them. Even Tux, our silky terrier eventually housebroke, and showed some progress from the first time we started to teach him.

Not so much with Phoebe.

I could explain in length how we’ve tried to help her thus far, but it’s the sort of things you’d expect. Crate training, puppy pads, diapers, constantly going outside, etc, etc, etc. NOTHING makes a difference. She messes in crates, rolls in it, and will often wait until she comes inside to poop. It’s quite frustrating. So instead of giving up, we contacted a specialist.

For 2 weeks, we are going to keep Phoebe on a leash 24 hours a day, and when we’re home, she will be walked indoors and out on a leash. This way, we catch her if (when, sigh) she goes in the house. It also means we notice when she goes outside, and we can give her VERY tasty treats. This ain’t no Milkbone thing, we’re talking prime cuts of hotdog. (Hey, she’s a dog, hot dogs are primo!)

Phoebe also needs to have a full panel of blood tests to check for sicknesses, and she’s going to start on Prozac. (seriously!) The hope is that her nervousness and anxiety will lessen, and she’ll be able to think long enough to understand the rewards for “going” outside.

Wish us luck, please. Ever since we’ve been in the new house, the dogs have been stuck in the kitchen behind the gate I built:

We’d like to let them join the family!

The winning bookmarks, of which there are 12 or so, are being printed and laminated to give out in the library. I think it’s an awesome way for kids to see their artwork appreciated by others. Unfortunately, it does cost quite a bit to print & laminate them. It got me to thinking… I wonder if people would buy them if the library made them available for sale on Teh Internets. We’d have to get school board approval, etc, etc, but if they each sold for $1 or $2 including shipping, they’d recoup that toner/plastic cost in no time.

What do you think, Internets, would you buy a hand crafted bookmark designed by a book-loving elementary child? What if the proceeds benefited the library itself? Should I push my darling wife to get board approval for such an endeavor?

Also — CONGRATS LYDIA! Way to go!!!!

Did you get a hideous tie? It just means the gifter thinks you have enough charisma to wear anything and have it look good. Did you get a sausage and cheese pack that looks like it’s from 1986? That’s aged fake-plastic cheddar! It’s probably worth thousands!

The one gift that’s always hard to take well is the soap and deodorant gift pack. How that says anything other than, “You smell bad, I thought this might help” is beyond me. I always try to imagine the person thinks I’m very concerned about hygiene, and knows I’d never splurge on an off brand travel sized gift pack myself. Oh, by the way, what is shower gel anyway? I never know what to do with half those bottles that come in the gift pack…

Anyway, keep your smile on full bore over the next couple days. Remember it’s the thought that counts. Remember you can always regift that sausage and cheese pack next year (they only improve with age I’m told). And lastly, hold off on your pasta sorting — your days of manual sorting are almost over!

Merry Christmas and happy holidays everyone.

It’s quite unsettling to have everyone else eating while I sip my ice water. Sure, I could snitch a crouton or two, but really it’s not the same. I could make a pterodactyl out of my placemat. Really. I make a mean paper pterodactyl. I worry it would be considered rude to start a craft project during the meal though. So, here I sit, blogging on my phone. It could be worse.

Here’s my holiday tip for those of you frequenting restaurants with your family: Order the salad bar. Really. Everyone else will, and you’ll be like me, alone with your phone. You’ll hope your meal comes soon, but you’ll realize the kitchen put your order on hold because everyone is eating salad. Happy Holidays everyone. May your weekend be full of food, and not paper pterodactyls.

UPDATE: This blog post was eaten TWICE by the WordPress application for Android. Yes, I’m an idiot for expecting something different the second time I typed it on my phone…

Here at Chez Powers, there are a few things we do this time of year.  I’ll tell you ours, if you tell me yours.  Unless you do some creepy public urination tradition or something.  In that case, let’s just pretend you just play in the snow.  Anyway, here are some of the things we do:

Burnin’ Down the House

This was actually a tradition we started last year.  I don’t recommend it.  The plan is to make it a one time thing, as it’s a very expensive tradition, and makes for a rather rotten new year.  (Yes, it’s been long enough to joke about.  Quit yer cryin.)

Coins In Shoes on December 6th

December 6th is St. Nicholas Day, and every year we buy chocolate coins to put in our girl’s shoes.  We read the story of St. Nicholas, and start the holiday season with chocolate, which is a very good way to start it.  Unfortunately, we forget almost every year.  So we mostly remember around December 10th, read the story, and just hand out chocolate coins.  It’s a good plan, but for some reason we forget.  Still, we get chocolate, so it’s all good.

The Scavenger Hunt

This is a Powers Family favorite.  Every Christmas Eve, Mom and Dad create an elaborate chain of hidden clues.  The girls work together solving the clues and searching for the next clue, in order to find the final destination.  That final clue leads to a family gift, usually a game of some sort, that they open and we play.  It’s a great tradition, and as the girls get older, the clues get more and more difficult.  It’s so much fun to watch them work together to solve the clues, and at the end, we all get to play a game together.  It’s really cool.  We try to do this tradition on Christmas Eve, because it’s usually just our family.  It makes it special.

The Christmas Photo

Every year, we take a Christmas photo.  Actually, every year we take 6,328 Christmas photos.  Donna is really passionate about pictures, so we end up taking many photos, trying to get dogs and kids to pose correctly.  We all act like we’re upset by it, but really it’s sweet.  Donna loves the Christmas photo, and we love her – so we’re happy to oblige. 

So there you go, some Powers traditions.  What are some of your traditions?  Perhaps we want to steal one or two!  (Also, if you’re looking for an idea from us – I highly recommend the scavenger hunt, it’s full of win)

Happy Holidays!

I started with what I think was Influenza (I say that instead of “Flu”, because the stomach flu is what most people call the “Flu”, and it’s really not the flu at all. The actual flu sucks.) About a week into my misery, I apparently contracted Walking Pneumonia. I went to the doctor, he gave me drugs, tested me, etc, and send me home.

Thankfully, on Monday, my fever broke. I figured that meant I was getting better, and while I still stayed in bed, I’ve been very optimistic. Since I still have a bad cough, aches, night sweats, (and a few other issues you don’t want to know about), I did go for a follow up exam today. I expected a pat on the back and assurance all was going well.

Yeah, not so much.

The doctor was under the impression I should be better. Not relatively speaking, but completely. Like, I should be all better. So, now I’m on an even stronger medicine, and on bed rest until next week when I see the doctor. Again. Since I’ve been really good about resting and drinking fluids at home (thank you for your support, family), I don’t have to go into the hospital or anything. So far.

So the lesson for the day? Apparently you can still be pretty sick even if you don’t have a fever. Go figure. And with that, it’s back into pajamas for me.

I started planning a vacation for our 15th anniversary quite a while back, but then our house burned down, construction costs skyrocketed, and now every last bit our our savings has been spent on our new house. That’s not a complaint, as our house is wonderful, but it makes a vacation impossible this month. We also planned a tropical vacation, somewhere with a beautiful beach where Donna could lay in the sun and I could stare at her read a book. The more we talked about it though, the more we thought a traveling vacation would be fun. So after a brainstorming session with my friend Kyle, we figured out what sounds like the perfect vacation, at least for us:

Sometime this summer, we’ll fly to San Diego (or somewhere in SoCal), where we’ll take a cab to the Volkswagen Beetle we will have purchased in advance. We considered renting a convertible, but a one-way rental of a sports car is really expensive. So we’re going to buy a car and keep it. Plus, driving home we save on half the plane fare, so in the end we get a car as a souvenir for little more than a rental would cost.

We’re going to take 10 days or so and travel north along the Pacific Coast Highway, stopping along the way to see the sites, visit with friends, and just enjoy ourselves. We plan to end our northerly trek in Seattle (again visiting friends and checking out the things to see), and then turn east to head home. It will take 4-5 days traveling cross country to get home, but since it’s part of the vacation itself, it will be fun!

Granted, a two week vacation driving across country will be expensive, especially when buying a classic car is part of the cost — but we have some time to save up for the journey, and I suspect the memories we’ll have will be more exciting than 6 days and 7 nights in a bungalow on a beach. (Not that we can’t do that someday as well!)

Anyway, making it public here will help motivate me to really make it happen. If you live in southern California, please keep your eye out for a classic convertible bug, please! (UPDATE: A 1975 or older model, to avoid the crazy California emissions stuff, thanks Dr. Phil!) I’m so excited about this trip, I can’t wait until summer!

This post is a long, wordy, self-discovery thread in which I reveal more about myself than anyone likely cares to know. It’ll probably be boring. Feel free to click away now, I won’t be offended.

I wish I would follow my own advice. Really, I do. See, my simple advice to everyone is a two step process:

1. Figure out what you love to do.
2. Do that thing.

I don’t mean that in some existential, universal happiness, hippy circle, kumbaya crap. I mean your career. Your job. You daily doings. The thing you spend most of your life doing. That thing.

For me, it’s taken 35 years to figure out what it is I love to do. For a long time I thought it was working on computers. I’m good with technology. And I enjoy technology. But it’s really not what I love. Shocked? Don’t be. I like bagels and cream cheese too, but I don’t want to have a career of eating them. Computers and technology are things I enjoy doing, things I understand, things I have an intuitive ability to fix. That doesn’t excite me when I wake up in the morning though. I don’t ever want to go to work in the morning.

Over the past few years, I’ve had the opportunity to work at Linux Journal. It involves computers, technology, and allows me to write. I love writing. I really do. For the past few years, I actually thought it was writing that was the thing I should be doing every day. I actually do wake up in the morning thinking about writing. I love writing. In fact, writing allows me to fill that need deep in my soul that truly brings me a wellspring of joy.

But honestly, writing isn’t “the thing” I love.

This was a confusing revelation for me. When I write, I can feel fulfilled, totally. It does give me that soul soothing comfort everyone hopes to get from their job. Yet, I struggle to keep a diary. If writing were really my ultimate passion, a diary or journal would be like my own little crack pipe. But it turns out that I really don’t like to write in a journal. Because no one reads it. And that’s when it struck me.

I like to entertain.

For a long time, I told Donna that more than anything in the world, I like to make people smile. And I do love to make people smile. But like writing, it’s just a tool for my ultimate passion. Entertaining. That may sound hokey. It may sound like hippy circle, kumbaya crap — but really, entertaining people is my passion. It’s taken me 35 years to figure that out.

So now I’m stuck in a rough situation. I know what I love. That knowledge is powerful, it really is. It’s freeing. It’s fulfilling. It’s awesome. Unfortunately, my life is no longer all about me. I have a family that I deeply love and care for. In fact, I love my family more than I love myself. It’s true. I’m not upset that I have responsibilities that prevent me from “following my dream” right now. I’m thrilled to have a family to care for. So I choose to work in a stable job that provides financial stability for those I love.

If that job proves to be detrimental to the happiness of my family, however, I have no reason to stay. See, money and health insurance are important, but a father and husband is even more important. If the stress of my current job is killing me, and making me a father I don’t want to be, I can quit with the confidence I’ve done the right thing. That, my friend, is some powerful knowledge.

So I leave you with this:

1. Know what you love.
2. If you can, do what you love.
3. Don’t let what you’re doing change who you are.

The last point is important. Remember who you are, and who your family loves. Don’t let a bad career choice change who you are. If you do, you kill the person your family loves, and become a poor substitute. I’m working hard to make sure that doesn’t happen to my family, I urge you to do the same.

Life is too short. Carpe Diem. Trust me, it can be gone in the blink of an eye. Live your life to the fullest, please.

Anyway, while my life certainly hasn’t gotten any less busy, it’s still true that for the majority of my day, I sit in a chair and type on a computer. I figured it would be awesome if I could transform my work desk into a standing treadmill desk. It would help me lose weight, make me healthier in general, promote a healthy mindset at school, and not take any MORE time out of my already crazy life. I say that’s win-win. (Well, actually win win win win, but who’s counting)

One of the first problems with building a treadmill desk is that such endeavors can be quite expensive. Since we just bought a house (yes insurance covered some, but we ended paying upwards of 80K, so needless to say, money is tight) I figured I had about a $10 budget. Thankfully, my mother in law said I could use her treadmill, which was collecting dust in the shed of the last person that borrowed it. That was the first big expense, and it cost me $0. Well within budget.

The next hurdle was to get my desk, well, on the treadmill. Or in front of it, or something like that. This treadmill is on the small side, so I guesstimated it would fit under the desk, and I could just raise my desk up to accommodate the height of me standing on the treadmill. I guessed on how high it would have to go, and went to the lumber yard. I bought 12 cinder blocks. (Bricks, the kind you build houses with.) They were just over a buck a piece, so while I went over my $10 budget, it wasn’t by much. So here are the materials I had to work with:

Hauling bricks is hard work. I just want to put that out in the universe. Go hug a bricklayer or something, those folks work hard for a living. Anyway, I never really measured, but I sorta figured raising the desk by 3 blocks would allow the treadmill to fit underneath it. I had no idea if that would make the desk too high — and quite honestly, when I stacked the bricks, I was a little nervous.

As it turns out, I had to rearrange this really nice brick layout, because my electrical outlet is behind one of the bricks on the right. After asking Donna (my wife) to help me lift the desk, it was time to hook stuff back up and get the treadmill in place. Why did I ask Donna to help me? Because if it was a colossal failure, I knew she’d be kind. Here is the finished treadmill desk:

How does it work? Well, I only walked on it for about two hours today, since I put it in place during my lunch hour. In those few hours though, I learned a few things.

1. Converse All-Stars, while the most amazing and awesome shoe ever created, are not good for walking on a treadmill. I will be wearing my walking shoes to work from now on.
2. Treadmills are rather loud. Probably not all of them, but this one is kinda noisy. For the price, I’m not complaining, and Donna says she can’t hear it out in the library, so I’ll live with the noise. It’s something to consider if your situation calls for more hush hush though.
3. There are very few things that can’t be done while walking on the treadmill. Really. I’m surprised and amazed at how well I can manipulate my keyboard, mouse, etc. I can even drink coffee without spilling.
4. I need a fan. Even walking slowly, it gets hot quickly. My office is always uncomfortably hot anyway, and walking doesn’t help. Since the treadmill is noisy anyway, I don’t think a fan will be too bad.
5. So far, I’ve gotten many more compliments than rolled eyes. I suspected people would think I was crazy, or just playing in my office — but both students and adults alike thought it was a great idea. In fact, our phys-ed instructor was REALLY impressed with the idea.
6. Oddly enough, I get a feeling of accomplishment when I work while walking on the treadmill. It’s not as if I’m doing anything differently, but while my “never get everything done” sort of job is often frustrating, the fact that I walked a few miles really makes the day seem more productive. It’s quite nice.

If you’ve been considering building a treadmill desk, or even just a standing desk, I’d recommend doing it similar to how I did. Try to be cheap. I have no idea if I’ll stick with this for a long time (I really hope I do), but since it cost me about $12 total — I’m not going to feel bad if I fail miserably. However, since Donna immediately claimed my awesome desk chair, if I do give up the treadmill, I don’t think I’ll get back my comfy chair…

I know they say size doesn’t matter, but just look at those glasses. Oh yeah. You know what I’m talking about. Homeslice could see the whole computer screen without moving his head. (Coincidentally, the computer screen at that point was that aforementioned black and white TV. Uh hu, we kicked it old school.)

How did I happen upon this glorious bit of the 80s you might ask? Well, that’s what happens when your Mom starts a blog. So far there are no bathtub photos over there, but it’s probably just a matter of time.

Anyone that knows me personally or professionally knows that in January our house burned down. Many of you know that we’ve had problems getting our house replaced as well. Oddly, while it would seem obvious to blame the insurance company, in this case Auto Owners (our home owners insurance company, I know, funny name for homeowners) has been amazing. Our problems have been with Chase Manhattan. Let me tell you a story about why there isn’t a house in this photo…

How Insurance Claims On House Fires Work

This process wasn’t something I ever considered before, but it turns out it’s a bit complicated if there is a mortgage on the house that burned. It is a 4 step process:

1. The insurance company gets an appraisal of the structure, based on its value just before it actually burned. This is for the dwelling only, not the property, etc.
2. The insurance company cuts a check for that amount to the homeowner AND the mortgage company.
3. The homeowner endorses the check, and sends it to the mortgage company for them to cash and send back to the homeowner to pay the contractor. In our case, thanks to the crappy housing market, our dwelling appraised for a whopping $65,500.
4. Once the house is set, the insurance company cuts another check to the homeowner and mortgage company for the difference in the original check and the actual cost of the house. This is what “replacement insurance” on the dwelling means. I endorse that check, send it to the mortgage company, and they cash and send it back made out to me and the contractor doing the work.

Yes, it’s complicated, but legally that’s what needs to happen. The problem is that Chase won’t release all of the first check to me. Since our house is a modular house, it’s complete when delivered. In fact, my house has been completed for weeks now, and is sitting in a warehouse in Indiana. It can’t be delivered until the contractor has the cash to pay for it.

This might seem hinky. The manufacturer needing COD for a house? But as it turns out, this is the norm. Once the house they built is on private property, they have no legal right to it. So, they insist on getting paid, especially since their job IS done. The problem is that Chase is keeping back half of the first check. This means the contractor (the middleman between me and the housing manufacturer) is expected to pay over $100,000 for a house while only being given roughly $44,000. (See, there was a $12,000 deposit the insurance company paid, plus that first half of the check already sent to the mortgage company).

If people were actually buying houses, the contractor might have enough capital to fund the house while Chase Manhattan dragged their heels. Sadly, no one is buying. No one is building. In fact, here in Michigan, people are moving away because there are no jobs. So that’s what puts us in the current pickle.

• Without the second half of the first check, which Chase Manhattan is holding (and collecting interest on, I’m sure), we are unable to get a house placed on the foundation.
• Without an inspection of the house ON THE FOUDATION, Chase will not release the second check.

See the problem?

Why Chase Manhattan Sucks Like The Tootsie Roll Center of the Galaxy

That was weeks ago. No, really. I’ve been dealing with Chase Manhattan since mid-June trying to figure out a solution to the problem. After hours of phone calls, and supervisors of supervisors, I finally got them to agree to investigate a deviation for us. Mind you, for the past month I’ve been faxing information they requested, getting paperwork notarized (and re-notarized, don’t ask), having my insurance company send explanation letters on company letterhead, etc, etc, etc. Every step takes 48-72 hours. Send a fax? It’s not official for 48-72 hours. Want a call back? 48-72 hours. Waiting for a decision? 48-72 hours.

So now, I’ve reached what seems like the end of my ability. I’ve been the patient customer, holding for literally hours. I’ve been the irate customer, immediately demanding to speak to supervisors by name. I’ve been the annoying customer, and when given a direct line, left multiple messages.

It never does any good. At all. Here is what I’m hoping: That you might help. Lord knows you’ve all helped my family before. I’m only asking here for publicity. If you know someone at Chase, please send them to my blog. If you are on Twitter, please tweet a link if you’re OK with that sort of thing. If you work at Chase, by all means, PLEASE email me. If you are Jamie Dimon, dude, you should know how poorly your company treats its customers.

Here is a list of email addresses. I’m sure they’re not all valid, I just came up with them based on the standard structure for Chase email addresses. They are the names of the company board members, CEO, and some of the managers I’ve spoken with inside Chase. I’m not asking you to email bomb these folks, but feel free to add any addresses in the comments so I can email them as well:

List deleted, since they’ve finally done the right thing!

My house is done. It’s been done for weeks. It would be really nice if the next 48-72 hours actually accomplished something. You have my thanks.

Sadly, before the double moon set on the harvest celebration, Lagoria and Lizzanthia were on a photo hunt with their new fairies and fell upon a fierce dragon. Excited to get sketches of the dragon, both girls sent their trembling fairies after the dragon as it retreated into its cave. The girls stayed safely outside the cave, but knew that since fairies can’t be burned by dragon flame, the sketches they would get would be lovely.

And they were.

The sketches were magnificent. Everyone from miles around was shocked and amazed at how detailed the sketches were. Why, even the corners of the canvases were scorched, and the sulfur-laced smoke could still be smelled as if the viewer was deep within the dragon’s cave. In fact, it was so full of realism, the girls were forced to keep the sketches outside so the family wouldn’t choke from the smoke!

The problem came when the girls took their fairies out on another photo hunt. While fairies can’t be harmed by dragon fire, they aren’t immune to dragon magic. So while the fairies continued to sketch for the girls, every sketch smelled like fire and brimstone, and every sketch contained the likeness of the dragon himself. See for yourself!

So now, the girls borrow their mother’s Sketch Fairy from time to time, but apart from that have no way to record the beauty of the realm. They hope someday to be gifted with the Pink Camera of Sweetness and Light so they can once again capture their world without the taint of dragon. Until that day, the Sketch Fairies will live in agony, knowing they can not make Lagoria and Lizzanthia smile.

The End. (Or is it?)

I didn’t want a dog. Really. I didn’t want to housebreak a puppy, I didn’t want to worry about feeding and caring for a dog every day. I didn’t want to find a dog sitter every time we left town. Dogs were messy, stinky, hairy, and stressful. That day so many years ago when the girls were staring over the fence next to the church, and gawking at puppies, it was very clear to everyone we were NOT getting one. Still, puppies are cute, so I walked over to the pen myself in order to gather my girls and look at the clumsy little pups as all the kids from church reached through the fence to pet their noses.

When I got to the fence, I saw just what I expected. Sure enough, there were puppies gathered at the fence, stepping on each other to get closer to the children that were giving them affection (and possibly crumbs of cookie still stuck on their fingers from Sunday School.) What I didn’t expect to see was a puppy halfway to the fence laying spread eagle and wagging his stub of a tail, but not coming over to get scritched. I thought perhaps he was shy, or scared, or that he had just eaten so much food that he ran out of gas on the way over to the kids. Moments later, however, I saw the problem.

All the pups had slight neurological problems, and walked a bit more awkward than a normal clumsy puppy. I hadn’t noticed before, but realized it after looking for a while. This pup, however, was much much worse. He had spent the 15 minutes or so since church got out trying to get over to the fence, but had only made it halfway before collapsing from exhaustion. His back legs couldn’t quite support his weight, and try as he might, he never made it over to the giddy children. It was in that heartbreaking moment of realization that Tigger became my dog. Honestly, I didn’t even know it yet, but looking back — it was that moment.

I jumped the fence, decked out in my Sunday best, and walked over to the squirmy puppy. Since he was unable to walk, he was covered in mud (and probably other things), but I picked him up anyway. I wish I could describe the joy that little puppy showed when I picked him up. There are some amazing joyful times in life for people: The birth of a child, scoring the winning point in a game, marrying your spouse — but in the life of a dog, I don’t think it’s possible to be more happy than Tigger was at that moment.

I carried him out of the gate, over to our van, and into our lives.

Looking back, it seems like a rather bold move for me to make, introducing a dog, especially a crippled dog, into our house without talking to Donna about it. I don’t recall her ever questioning me though. We took him home, cleaned him up, and let him play in the front yard with the girls. It was that day he got his name. See, Tigger wasn’t strong enough to walk, but when he tried, his back legs would bounce his butt up and down. He didn’t walk, but he sure could bounce! Thus, Tigger was his name.

That summer proved to be quite challenging for Tigger. The vet told us he would probably never walk right. He had about a 3/4″ overbite, bad legs, he shook constantly, and had possible brain damage — but his brain didn’t appear to be swollen, and he wasn’t in any pain. The best we could do would be to walk him often and strengthen his back legs so he could get around.

Yes, house training a dog that can’t walk is a challenge. Thankfully, since he constantly shook, Tigger liked to sleep wedged between the couch and the wall to help hold still. We knew when to take him outside, because as he came out from behind the couch, he would bang against the wall as he tried to get up. “THUMP THUMP THUMP!” It was time to carry Tigger outside to do his business.

Every day we would walk and walk with Tigger. At first he would only make it to the end of the driveway before collapsing, but as days turned into weeks he was able to go for short walks. We’d generally walk him as far as we could get him to go, and then I’d carry him on the way back home. The bigger and stronger (and heavier and harder to carry!) he got, the further he was able to go. We started tying his leash to the stroller, and he would pull the girls along on our walk. It was good for him, and the girls though it was awesome. Summertime sled dog!

While he had a taste for garbage (not so much in his older years), and he liked tangling with skunks (actually more often the older he got), Tigger was the best dog I could ever imagine having. He spent almost a year sequestered from the family due to an undiagnosed thyroid problem, which caused a constant nasty skin infection. But his last days were spent with the freedom to roam around the house again. He lived longer than the vets ever expected, and almost fully overcame his leg problems. Tigger had a funny little limp when he ran, but he was able to run and play throughout most of his life.

Sadly, Tigger was in the house when it burned in January. When I opened the front door to search for the animals, I found him, already gone right by the front door. With all the grown up responsibilities, duties to perform, children to care for, home to provide — I’ve never really taken the time to think about Tigger. My dog. My friend. My loyal companion.

So Tigger, it breaks my heart that you’re gone. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you. And while your passing rips out my heart, I can honestly say that even though I’m typing this through the blur of tears — that look on your face when I picked you up after church all those years ago makes my pain bearable. Thanks for being there for me, when I didn’t even know I needed you.

If you think an awesome grill would have propane fire, quite frankly you don’t know the awesomeness that is charcoal. Here you can see me with my ninja cooking utensils and my chimney starter full of burning briquettes. (If you don’t have a chimney starter, go buy one. You’ll be thankful you did.)

Just out of frame is a bowl of soaking hickory chips. I debated whether to use hickory or mesquite, but since it’s the beginning of summer, I figure I can alternate all year. Because really there’s no wrong answer. Mmmmmm…

I hope your weekend is half as good as mine. I’d wish it to be as awesome, but I fear you might explode.

Then the day got better. I sent an email to the staff at school, and even on a holiday weekend — I got a couple replies with good fishing spots in the area!

And THEN it got even BETTER! My family went to a graduation open house (Hi Kari!) and afterward our kids didn’t want to leave. We found them rides, and Donna and I went out for ice cream and a walk around town. It was the closest thing to a date we’ve had in months, and it was extremely awesome.

AND THEN Donna agreed to go two tracking with me to try finding the remote fishing spot, which Google is showing off in the photo above. The road was deep, loose sand — and we almost got stuck! Thankfully we didn’t, but it was just scary enough to be exciting.

Granted, I didn’t get any work done today. Granted I’m way behind. But it’s also a holiday weekend, and the first day off I’ve taken since before I can remember.

I hope YOUR day was as awesome as mine, but honestly, it doesn’t seem possible.

Why am I confident our girls will turn out OK? Quite honestly there are many reasons. One, we really won the lottery when it comes to progeny, and the 3 girls are fine examples of human beings. That means they are good little lumps of clay. That also means they need to be molded. While I don’t claim to be a great parent, I think we’ve done pretty good so far. The next decade will really tell the story, but I wanted to share some insight at this point. Perhaps I’ll look back at this and bitterly laugh at myself, but even if that’s the case, I doubt I’d change anything in the past.

Discipline and Punishment are Not the Same Thing

Donna and I are strict disciplinarians. We were even more strict when the kids were younger (seriously). Being strict when your kids are young means that you earn credibility early on. You earn respect. You earn trust. If there is one thing I wish I could convince young parents it is that discipline is not mean. Children crave discipline, whether they know it or not. Ask any decent sports coach. A team with discipline is a more effective, and happier team.

But here’s the rub: Discipline is hard. I’m no Dr. Spock, but if you think discipline is just punishing a child when they misbehave, Ur doin it rong. Discipline is an elaborate dance involving consistency, firmness, fairness, and most of all, communication. No, life isn’t fair — but as parents, you certainly ought to be!

Kids are Smart. They’re Immature Sometimes, but Smart.

There is a drastic difference between a child that is angry at you for punishing them, and a child that thinks you are incorrect for punishing them. No, you can’t always convince a child they need to be punished, but if you’re open with them, they’re more likely to respect your reasoning.

The funny thing about discipline and consistency is that if you explain to your child why you’re punishing them — even if they vehemently disagree, they’ll understand why you’re doing what you’re doing. Very often, if you don’t punish them, you lose all credibility. Again, even if they don’t admit or realize it, kids like discipline.

Put Away the Shotgun.

The strong father figure cleaning his shotgun is fine. Really. I have no problem with putting the fear of God into a young man as he’s given the responsibility of caring for the father’s daughter. For me, however, I’d look absurd cleaning a shotgun. Guns aren’t my thing. Oh, I’m intimidating, and any boy will tremble before he takes out my daughters — but my weapon of choice is psychology. Your mileage may differ.

Here’s the thing though, you can be as scary as you want, your daughter is the one that will ultimately make choices on how the evening goes. There is nothing more formidable than a confident young lady that trusts and respects her parents, knowing they trust and respect her in return. Let me repeat that, as it’s so vital, there is nothing more formidable than a confident young lady that trusts and respects her parents, knowing they trust and respect her in return. Sure, I can be the muscle, but it’s her life, she has to be the brains.

And with that, I’m going to go talk to my kids. You should do the same. (Not my kids, but you know what I mean…)

The house we’re putting up in its place will be bigger, and sport a half basement. Here’s the floorplan:

The basement will only be rough plumbed, and we’ll finish it in the future. We plan to eventually have a kitchenette, bedroom, and bathroom down there, along with a media center. Since this house will cost about $50K-$60K more than insurance will pay, we’re going to be scrimping everywhere we can…

Anyway, just wanted to update everyone! Hope you’re having a great day.

1) Do you have “dress” t-shirts?

By that I mean t-shirts you treat as more formal attire than you do the mountains of t-shirts we have for sleeping, painting, dog washing, etc. Personally I do. I have lots of t-shirts in a drawer, but I also have my “dress” t-shirts that get hung on hangers. For example, my vintage Green Lantern shirt gets a hanger, while the t-shirt from the local physical therapy place (which they handed out during a parade) gets folded and shoved in a drawer. That brings me to my next question:

2) Do you hang or fold t-shirts? Or both? Or neither?

3) Are you OK with a cotton/poly blend t-shirt, or are you only truly happy with 100% cotton?

For me, I’m only truly happy with 100% cotton — but if the shirt is awesome enough, I’ll wear a poly/cotton blend. I might put a cotton shirt under it though.

And lastly:

4) If you could wear a t-shirt to work every day, would you?

I totally would. I already wear my Converse All-Stars 7 days a week, if I could add blue jeans and t-shirts to the “every day” mix — I would do it in a heartbeat.

So that’s my question for your Saturday evening. Feel free to include a story about your favorite t-shirt. I haven’t had any long enough (post fire) to have a favorite, but I’m rather fond of my superhero shirts. Which reminds me… I still have to get one of those root superhero shirts.

• Our community is pretty conservative, so graphic alien on alien action is likely a deal breaker.
• Please don’t recommend a book that is in the middle of a series. Recommend the whole series. Seriously, my OCD can’t handle that nonsense.
• Newer authors are encouraged. The classics are certainly not to be left out, but really — we want to introduce kids to new authors as well.
• I think that’s it!

So please, leave your thoughts in the comments. Also, if you know anyone that would have an opinion on the issue, please pass a link along. I’m really hoping to get a good list together for her. Thank you!

This was the first thing we saw when the door was opened. Our new washer and dryer, completely white, were blackened and filthy looking.

For a contrast on how the house used to be, I moved a rug that was sitting on the kitchen floor. The white is the color everything used to be — now it’s all pitch black. It’s baked into every surface, and can’t be scraped away.

This photo is hard to make out, but here on the left is the remains of a bedroom floor. on the right is a gaping hole to the crawlspace below. This room completely burned, without even floor joists left in the center.

Just an example of the “alternate reality” appearance, here is our shower stall with shampoo in place, yet horrid looking.

Same with the (white) bathroom counter. This is where the girls primped and curled their hair for church, hours later it was converted to what you see here.

A rather disturbing image is the playroom. These are toys my niece just got for Christmas. The photo doesn’t really show just how black the black is.

Oddly, this hand-painted piece (a Christmas gift from a family friend) is seemingly unharmed. While you can’t tell from the photo, everything around it is completely black and stained. This bright orange painting is like a beacon in the center of destruction.

And lastly, blackened, slightly burned, yet still accurate. The sign that hangs above our hallway reads, “As for me and my family, we will serve the Lord.”

Dear Webkinz,

My name is Shawn Powers, I’m an editor at Linux Journal, a Technology Director at a school district in Northern Michigan, and a father of 3 girls. I fully understand your account policy regarding forgotten passwords, but I’m hoping there is some way we can work together so my daughter can access her account again.

Last Sunday, my family lost our house to a fire while we were at church. While no one was home, unfortunately our dogs and cat were trapped inside and perished. To add additional pain to misery, when we were able to get laptops for the kids to use — our youngest was unable to log into her webkinz account. Apparently she had recently changed her password, but she remembered it incorrectly. Since the only way to recover a password is with a secret code, which burned in the fire, not only has Lizzie lost her real pets, but also her virtual ones.

I can provide every reference, recommendation, professional contact, identification, history, etc. that you might want. I just want to give my daughter a little bit of the “home” she lost. I realize it would go against your policy, but even if you can change her password back to what it was before her most recent change — that would likely do the trick.

Her login is: HIDDEN
She thought her password was: HIDDEN
She says the password before that was: HIDDEN

If her recollection of the animals in her account will help verify it’s really her, I can ask her to describe them to me.

Thank you for any help you can offer,
-Shawn Powers

If you know anyone at Ganz, please send ‘em my way.

UPDATE: She got her account back! Thanks everyone!

I also know none of you are offended or put off that we’ve been largely silent as unprecedented physical and emotional needs have been filled beyond capacity. I know (because so many of you have told me) that you don’t want me to think about relaying our gratitude, expressing our thanks, or worrying about slighting someone in their well-deserved pat on the back. And again, it’s because you are responding in that way I feel even more compelled to do so! For the time being, I will accept your advice though. I get to spend the rest of my life returning kindness and caring — and even though I doubt I’ll be able to tip that balance back to even, that’s sort of the point of it. I get it. Part of being so humbled by experiences like this is allowing (or even forcing) yourself to actually be humble. I can’t make this up to everyone. So my goal is to trudge forward with my family, and try to be the person you’ve all cared enough to support. Please know that my gratitude is such that I can’t find the way to express it. And I’m a writer, words are sorta my thing.

I’ll let Sheldon Cooper help me struggle through how to show gratitude…

* I got a hair cut. While not as important as getting clean underwear, it was getting up there in the “people will start pointing” scale. I normally cut my own hair, so had to take an unfamiliar trip to the local barber. He refused to take money for the trim. Funny thing is, his kindness will earn him a lifetime client.

* We have phone service and Internet service. There’s a bit of a story here, but I should precede by explaining why it was so important. In the rental home that was so graciously opened up for us, there is no phone. There is also no Internet access. All that would be fine, but it’s nestled down near the river and cellphone coverage is such that a person must stand on one foot while dipping their finger in icewater and licking a metal spoon in order to make a phone call. With our recent circumstances, the inability to make emergency phone calls is more than a bit unsettling. I scheduled for installation, but the quickest turnaround time was Wednesday afternoon for Internet, and Thursday for phone. Concerned about the anxiety level isolation was bringing, I sent a tweet to Eric over at Charter, and in less than 15 minutes a technician was on site to install both. I will never doubt Eric’s super powers again. Or his kindness.

* So yeah, I have reliable Internet service now. You’ll be hearing from me a lot more often. Mwa ha ha.

* I did not get to the house today to shoot video. It’s amazing how much work is involved with getting this paperwork signed, that agreement agreed upon, this utility activated, that contractor scheduled, etc, etc. I hope to get some better photos and some video soon. Most of my family hasn’t seen the house either, and while they don’t want to go into the building, seeing the aftermath is something of interest. Perhaps to you too.

* I have a PO Box now. Sadly, I don’t remember what the number is. I know, pathetic. I have to figure out the address soon, because my key will only open one of those magical boxes, and trying each one is probably a felony. I’ll let everyone know when I figure it out. I’ll even write it down!

* We have continued to use the money donated to buy the essentials we need to live normally. With the processes in place for purchase, claim, submit, approve, reimburse — getting any money from our Insurance company is much more of a long term endeavor than something we can rely on. Most recently, Donna bought a rug to cover the cold floor in our new living room. It’s quite fuzzy. You’d like it.

* I know I’m still behind on replies. The reasons are many-fold. Like the title of this post says, it’s only day 3. It feels like eons ago our house was on fire — but I guess it’s just been so hectic it feels long ago. Also, I am still using the little netbook to type. My hands get angry with me after a short while. They’re quite miffed right now in fact, and I’ll be closing this blog entry soon.

* You may have read my little “Snowflake” story. While certainly a cheesy representation of the love you’ve all poured out on my family, I just wanted to come up with something other than “Thank You”. I worry if I keep saying “Thank You” it will sound less sincere. It’s not. You’ve all, ALL been so amazing to my family. I can easily name more blessings we’ve experienced from this tragedy than devastation. And yes, I do realize how significant that sounds. It’s true. For that, and everything else, thank you.

The forecast was for rain, and on the horizon dark clouds loomed with glorious beauty. But here, it was hot. Really hot. Jade kept trudging along though, he was prepared for this journey. No, he didn’t want the truck to break down in the middle of the desert, but he had all he needed to survive. As long as he maintained focus on the dark, wicked, beautiful storm clouds, the walk didn’t seem so bad.

God, however, had a sense of humor. In the middle of the Arizona desert, there was a cottonwood tree somewhere blissfully unaware of the inhospitable environment. Those stupid little fluff balls kept blocking Jade’s view of the torrential downpour he was heading for. HE DIDN’T DESERVE THIS! Like the straw hat, he was sure the little cottonwood fluffs were robbing the precious little water his body was squirting out of his overworked sweat glands. Those stupid little trees will probably even sprout, using HIS sweat to nurture them.

The cottonwood fluff got thicker and thicker. There were moments Jade couldn’t even tell if the storm was still ahead. All he could see was fluff! What if he turned in the wrong direction? What if the storm dissipated? What if he choked to death on cottonwood fluff?!?!

Jade had enough. He looked up to the sky and screamed with all his might, “WHY!?!?!! Why would you send a fluff storm when I need water?!?! It’s HOT out here! I’m going to die before I ever get to the storm! I don’t understand why you…”

Jade stopped short. The screaming made him feel better. Much better. It wasn’t because of some cathartic outpouring of hostilities though, Jade felt better because of the cotton fluff that fell into his mouth. It… It was refreshing. It was cold. It was SNOW! Jade had been batting SNOW away from his face! He took a moment to look around, and found that in the middle of the Arizona desert he was surrounded by piles of snow.

Jade was right. He didn’t deserve this. The sun was still beating down on him, but as he rolled around in the snow, he realized that it wasn’t about deserving or not deserving. It wasn’t about logic. It wasn’t about weather patterns. Somewhere, someone cared enough to not only send him water — but send him snow. So rather than trying to explain it, rather than trying to refuse it — Jade just appreciated it. And instead of trying to get to the rain, he just stayed where he was and knew things were going to be OK.

Thank you for snowing on me and my family. Thank you for keeping me from being a jaded Jade myself. Thank you for providing me with more than the water I need, but giving me a snowstorm in the desert. I now understand it’s not about deserving, or earning, or even understanding. Sometimes you just have to enjoy the snow.

Silliness aside, I managed to tether my Droid to my work netbook and attain enough signal to click “send” successfully. Or, I think I will. I managed to get this page to load anyway. Here’s a quick update on what your donations have done. I’ll do my best to get some photos and possibly video tomorrow. I’m just hoping for text success today!

* Donna went to the store and purchased our family all new coats. We decided coats, snow pants, gloves, hats, etc. were things that made sense to purchase new. While we have been given a few coats for the kids to wear in the short term, they suffered from varying degrees of not-quite-fitting. They also were significantly different in actual insulating abilities. Again, it’s not that we weren’t grateful to cover the kid’s bodies — it’s just that purchasing such things made sense to us. (I only elaborate because while you haven’t asked for a play by play, it seems you all have some vested interest in such things. Pun shamelessly intended)

* Many people have asked if we have insurance. In fact, we do, and we’re so thankful. Since we have insurance, I honestly felt bad accepting such gracious gifts from people. As it turns out, the insurance wheels turn amazingly slow, however. While everyone has been wonderful, agent wise, the truth is these things take TIME. More so than I ever imagined. So you have all provided us with flexibility and comfort in a very rough time. Again, my gratitude is indescribable.

* I’m not good at asking for help. Those of you that know me personally probably know that. Thank you so much for not giving me an option. My family deserves the attention, and my inability to “make it all better” is humbling. You are helping in more ways than cash and gifts might seem. You’re showing my family you care about them — and that is huge.

* I’ve been asked vi email, IM, SMS, Yammer, Facebook, Twitter, Phone, Voicemail, (I’d say smoke signals, but that seems in poor taste), etc. about a few specific things:

1) Our girl’s sizes. I don’t know. I know that’s lame, but I don’t. I could say “uh, girl” — but that doesn’t actually help as much as I’d like it to. Fortunately, there are many people in our immediate vicinity that do know their sizes. Our girls were inundated with clothes, which we are very thankful for, and quite honestly we don’t have room for anything else right now. That’s not to say we won’t have that particular need in the near future, but right now we’re doing well clothing-wise. Once Donna gets online she will probably have more details.

2) Stuff for the family. This one is the hardest for me. I’m not saying that to be falsely humble, it’s just that since we’re alive, together, and warm — the rest seems selfish or arrogant to hope for. However, I see my children suffering emotionally. I can’t fix it. I desperately feel the need to fix it, but I can’t. So I will share things that I think will make a difference in their happiness. No, “stuff” won’t fix it, but I think there may be a value in pleasant distractions. I assure you my children (as Donna and myself) are treating everyone’s grace with as much humility as is possible. I have a few small things in mind, but as there is a huge coordinated effort in play already, I’ll try to make it so that we don’t end up with 374 sock monkeys from ThinkGeek. (That’s actually one of the Christmas presents our youngest misses the most. She’s such a geek in training!)

3) Stuff for Donna. You’d like my wife. Really. She’s an incredibly cool person. While there are a few things I’m trying to get set up for her, (Kindle & Laptop were destroyed), apart from reading materials and her Bible — she has few desires. Donna is the queen of “cool pen” collecting, so if you happen to have or know of some really cool pens, know that her collection is gone. (It’s not really a collection, but I tease her about it because she had so many pens)

4) Stuff for Me. I know I come across as the guy with a million toys, but honestly, there’s not much I need. I will probably spend some of the donated money to purchase some specialty equipment for creating videos. My Wacom tablet was destroyed, along with my desktop machine I used for doing such things. I’ve also accepted the offer of a laptop after much debate. See, I do have the use of a netbook, but it turns out the little beastie is rather hard to use as a main machine. Maybe I’m getting old.

* My address is currently in flux. I fully expect we’ll be at our current location for the next 2-6 months, but the address is a bit of a sticky wicket. The rental house itself is too close to the post office in town, so it can’t have mail delivered directly to it. However, today was Martin Luther King Jr. day, so the post office was closed. Basically we have no mailing address. The street address (for UPS/FedEx) has changed over the past few years, and no one is quite sure what the name of the street is. I know this first hand, as I was on the phone for over an hour with the cable company trying to figure out how I could get Internet service installed. If you have a desire to send my family something, there are a couple surefire ways to get them to us. Carlie, my boss over at Linux Journal, has offered to be a clearinghouse for such things. Just drop her an email at carlie@linuxjournal.com for more details. I will post my PO Box as soon as I get it, but right now it just doesn’t exist yet.

* The House. It’s in bad shape. I plan to get some footage tomorrow, and hopefully upload to show you all. While not official, most of the people I spoke with today expect the house will be a total loss. Since it’s completely standing, and shows no outward signs of damage — that’s odd to hear, but I’ll have more details tomorrow. I will say it’s deeply disturbing to go into the house. It’s almost like stepping into a horrid, dark, putrid alternate reality.

Ok, I didn’t mean to yammer on so long. This is just the first opportunity I’ve had to do a brain dump, and wanted to take advantage of it. More soon, and thank you all for the support you’ve given us. I’m still not sure what we did to deserve such treatment, but I’m certainly grateful we did. This has been rough couple days, and you’ve ALL smoothed over the rough parts a bit.

* We’re all OK. We were at church during the fire.

* Our house did burn, but is still standing. The fireman said it was likely because it’s winter, and the house was sealed up, so there wasn’t enough oxygen to keep the flames going. The part of the house where the main electrical line comes in is completely burned away, you can look down into the crawlspace from the bedroom door. While not official, the firemen think the main line in the crawl space is what caused the fire.

* Sadly, our 2 dogs (Tigger & Tux), our cat (Kiki), and my sister in law’s 2 dogs (Bruno & Ella) all perished in the fire. Their loss is the roughest part right now, as everything else that was lost is just stuff.

* The insurance company wasn’t reachable today. While I’m not sure if they’ll consider the house a complete loss, or will requisition to have it fixed, rest assured we do have insurance.

But all that isn’t why I came into work so I could update my website. The world could have waited a day to find out more details. I decided to drive into my office and update my website (while Donna is off buying underwear and such) because of how amazing everyone has been to us. Here’s a few of the things, other than our house burning down, that have been going on today:

* Before the fire was even extinguished, we had a place to stay tonight offered by friends.

* Before the fire trucks were gone, another friend from town offered to let us stay in a rental property he has while our insurance things are being worked out.

* The Red Cross tracked us down and gave us money to buy food and clothes.

* My cellphone (the one I have with me, my personal cellphone was in the house) hasn’t stopped buzzing from emails, tweets, facebook messages, text messages, etc. I have cried more today due to the outpouring of love than I have from the grief of loss. There really aren’t words to relay my thanks.

* Linux Journal put up a “Chip In” page, which is literally a link that people can send us money directly to my paypal account. It’s 7:00PM, and there’s already over two thousand dollars donated. That’s real money from real people, and we’re really humbled.

I really don’t know what to say. I really don’t. “Thank You” certainly doesn’t seem sufficient, but I think it’s all I can offer. So many people have contacted me, that I have no hope of responding to everyone, at least not in the short term. Just know that you’ve made me cry, in a good way, and today — that’s quite a feat.

So again, thank you. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. Thank you for your emails. Thank you for you cash donations. Thank you for caring. Because really, if nothing else, I’ve felt as though we are important to you all, and that has been amazing to experience.

-Shawn, from work.

Basically, I’m extending a wall from our walk-thru closet about 3 feet into our living room. Then I’ll be chopping the expanded closet into a small closet and my office. This only gives me about 49 square feet of room (7×7) for an office, but I think it will be sufficient. Basically I’ll have my own cubical at home.

I think it will be fairly easy as far as renovations go, and since I’m a total n00b with such things — it’s probably a good project to start with. PLUS, I’ll be able to click and type more efficiently, because I’ll have an office space of my own. I’m *very* excited, and will try to take photos of my progress. Feel free to laugh at me along the way.

Anyway, in no particular order, here’s what I hope to do in 2010:

1) Finish the project I’m horribly behind on.

Unfortunately, it’s a time sensitive project, and the time has long since passed the sensitive zone. The people I’m working with on this project are incredibly wonderful to work with, and beyond understanding when it comes to my crazy schedule — but I gotta be honest, they deserve better. I’d like to get this particular resolution done in January.

2) Learn to use a Linux video editor.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a zealot when it comes to Linux. I’m really not. Here’s the deal though, I’d really like to make the videos I do for Linux Journal on a Linux machine. It just seems like the right thing to do. My lack of motivation for switching has been because I can already edit video really efficiently on OSX, and it took me a long time to learn Final Cut. Still, I’d like to use Linux as my primary system, so this is a goal. (Kris Occhipinti has been a huge motivation on this front. Thanks Kris.)

3) Change the way I eat.

Note: This is not a, “Lose Weight” resolution. This is an, “Eat Better” resolution. There are two major problems with my current eating lifestyle: Quantity & Quality. Once I finish resolution #1, hopefully I can take some of that time to actually cook food. I still eat at restaurants way too often.

4) Exercise.

I’ll be honest, this is the least likely resolution I’ll be able to accomplish. Donna convinced me to go into the local gym every morning and work out with her for a month. Since I’ll have to pay for the membership, I’ll do my best to accomplish it. Perhaps walking on a treadmill next to Donna will make it less horrifying. Man, I really hate exercise…

5) Write a Book.

I don’t care if it’s a little all year, or a cram session in November (NaNoWriMo), I really want to write a book. I’m not sure if I’ll start with fiction or technology — but I must write a book. Really.

So that’s it. It’s a lot, but I purposefully didn’t put anything on there I don’t think I can accomplish. If all you’re lacking for your New Year’s Resolutions is the commitment to make them, feel free to do so in the comment section. If you slip up, we’ll know. Well, ok, only if you tell us. But still, feel free to commit below.

Happy New Year’s!!!!

Yesterday we bought tofu. I really love tofu. I can eat hunks of tofu cold, and think it’s a great snack. (My family vehemently disagrees with me, but whatever) Seriously though, tofu is often thought of as a way to cram protein into a vegetarian dish — honestly, I just think it’s cool how versatile it is. I mean really, it’s a blank slate flavor-wise. That means you can make it taste any way you like. Heck, I’ve even seen people cook tofu in lard, so it takes like meat, but I’ve never really understood such a procedure. (Just buy meat!)

Anyway, this tofu is going into a huge pot of miso soup. So yes, it’s basically soybeans in soybean soup. But I’ve added veggies, so it’s not all soybeans. I make miso soup with spinach instead of wakame, because my family DOES NOT like seaweed. Oh well, they eat tofu. I suppose I can’t complain!

I still hate exercise.

I’ve put a lot of thought into this, and it’s not physical activity that bothers me, it’s the lack of accomplishing anything. If we had a woodstove, I would happily chop wood for hours. If I had to crank start our car every morning, I would do so without complaint. Heck, I think if I had to ride an exercise bike in order to generate electricity to watch TV — I would do it. I just hate exercise for exercise’s sake. And no, “getting healthy” doesn’t count as a productive activity. I’m too short sighted for such a thing.

If it wasn’t for the ice and snow 6 months out of the year, I would buy a bicycle and ride to work every day. But that gets REALLY unpleasant around this time of year. Also, it makes hauling equipment difficult. It also makes it hard to take the kids to school and such. I don’t know what I’ll do on the exercise front, but for now I’m concentrating on food.

Food. I really like food. I’m going to try taking this opportunity to cook more at home, and cook healthier than we’ve been eating. Most of my “specialty” dishes are vegan, and very healthy. (Vegan and healthy are not automatically inclusive) I’m hoping to rekindle my love of cooking, and in turn eat foods that make me skinny instead of fat.

Wish us luck!

1 Bag wide egg noodles (whole wheat works, and tastes fine)
1 Can cream of mushroom soup
1 Package dry onion soup mix
1 16oz container of sour cream (low fat works good, fat free isn’t quite as tasty)
1 lb Beef. Any beef works, I usually use lean stew meat or steak

Procedure:

1. Fill large pot with water for noodles. Start this first, as it takes the longest. In fact, go have a cup of coffee after you start the water, because if you start the next steps right away, you’ll be waiting for the noodles to cook.
2. Heat thin layer of oil (I use porcini infused olive oil imported from Italy, but whatever you like) in a thick bottomed pan. Get it hot, so that a drop of water dances like crazy if dripped on it.
3. Put cubed meat into pan. I cut into small bite size pieces. IMPORTANT: Do not stir! Let the meat sear to seal in the flavor and tenderness. After a few minutes of cooking, check the meat to see if it has a good searing on the pan side. Then stir up the meat and continue cooking on high flame.
4. About now, your water pot is probably boiling. Add the noodles and stir them up. Let them cook while you finish the rest.
5. When the meat starts to release its juices so that it looks like the meat is boiling, turn down the flame to medium low, and add the dry soup mix. (Don’t boil the meat, it will get tough) Stir up the meat/soup mixture until you get a thick slurry of yummy smelling goodness. Depending on the meat you use, you may have to add a little water so the soup mix dissolves.
6. Add can of concentrated cream of mushroom soup. Do not add the can of water, just put in the concentrated stuff. Stir in with the meat/onion soup mixture, and heat on low heat until it’s hot. Turn off the flame, and see how your timing was. Are the noodles done?
7. Drain noodles, return to pot.
8. Mix sour cream into meat mixture. You want to wait until the last minute with this, because the fresher the sour cream is, the better the stroganoff tastes.
9. I always mix the cream mixture into the noodles. It is the perfect amount for noodle mixing. If you prefer to pour the gravy mix over noodles on the plate, so be it, but your leftovers may not match up proportion-wise. You’ve been warned.
10. Eat and enjoy! NOTE: Unlike most foods, while still delicious, it tastes best right after it’s prepared and not the next day as leftovers. Also, doubling or tripling the recipe works very well. Even though it’s not as good the next day, I always make WAY more than we’ll eat so I can have it the next day.

That’s it. You now know my super simple, super secret, recipe. Thanks Mom!

Squirt salt water up one nostril, let it circulate in your cranium, and then drain out the other side.

It’s one of the strangest pseudo-medical things I’ve ever done. It feels about as exciting as it sounds. I don’t think it does anything useful, but there are a few interesting side effects:

1. You can feel your sinuses fill with water. It’s a little like getting a snoot full of pool water on accident, but without the chlorine
2. If your nose is slightly stuffy, the pressure induced by the squeeze bottle will do many interesting things to your eyes and ears. Namely, make them uncomfortable.
3. You look and feel like a complete idiot, and the logic of sinus squirting rivals that of snipe hunting. Apparently it’s a real thing though. I guess.
4. The most interesting side effect however, is that minutes, hours, or even days later, a gush of trapped water will work its way out and and effectively spew soggy nose goblins all over the table/computer/dinnerplate/date you are sitting near. You will have no warning, and no chance of stopping the flow.

Thanks a ton, Oprah.

To donate to Amanda online, follow this link. The famine is this weekend, so if you want to pledge but can’t actually donate for a few weeks — please just drop me an email letting me know your intent so we can get a total amount raised for the weekend.

Thanks for watching, this fundraiser is really powerful for the teens because for American teenagers 30 hours is a long time to go without food. For more details on the famine, check out that link at the beginning of this post to last year’s.

This evening, due to my inability to put my dirty clothes in the hamper, I have no clean underwear. I recently got out of the shower, and realized my situation too late to do much about it. So I grabbed a pair of boxer shorts and put them on. I really don’t like boxer shorts. So let’s talk about my misery a bit, OK?

• Boxer shorts are not underwear. You can feel free to disagree with me, but sadly you’re wrong. (Hey, lay off, it’s my blog) Look at their name: “Boxer shorts“. They’re shorts. The only reason they’ve become synonymous with underwear is so many people wear them as such. It’s much easier to say, “I prefer boxers”, than to admit, “I actually don’t wear any underwear — but don’t worry I always wear a pair of shorts under my pants so if my zipper falls down you don’t need to call the cops”. See, the latter just doesn’t roll off the tongue as easily.
• Before you start bragging about how great your boxer shorts are, take into account the real reason I think some of us prefer actual underwear. You ever been fishing? If you fish for little fish, like perch for instance, when you catch one you simply pull it out of the water dangling from your fishing line. It works great. If you go salmon fishing, however, you need a net to pull those big suckers in. I’m sure you see where I’m going with this.
• I think boxers are more popular with people in their 20s because they weren’t alive in the time period that tight jeans were “in.” It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that wearing boxers while wearing tight jeans is an easy way pinch things off. I’m just saying.
• It’s true there are lots of cool boxer shorts to be found. Cartoons characters, funny quips, strange designs, etc. Sadly, the days of awesome themed underwear are largely over for those of us that wear briefs. Back in the day, we could wear Underoos — but unfortunately I can’t find Superman undies in my size anymore. And yes, I’d probably wear them if I could. Shut up, you would too.
• I realize some doctors recommend boxers for men that are having a hard time conceiving children. I say get a new doctor. Sorry guys, see above mentions of pinching things off. Sometimes you gotta get a second opinion.
• Bikini things are not the same as briefs. Look, no one wants to see you in those. And if you’re an underwear model or something, and the ladiez really do want to see you in something that resembles a tiger-striped Speedo, chances are you’re not reading my blog anyway. One thing is for sure, none of the guys at the gym want to see you wearing that crap, so save it for jungle night at home or something. (And for the love of all that’s holy, don’t blog about it. Please.)
• The flies in tighty-whiteys: No one actually threads their thing through that ridiculous maze of fabric in order to save the time it takes to pull down the front. Sorry of that steals the magic away for some of you, but it’s true. They are not functional as a weenie escape route, and even if you go through the trouble of doing so, let’s just say garden hoses aren’t the only things that kink.
• So why are there double layers of cotton on the front of tighty-whiteys if you can’t use them for.. “that”? Ok, you asked. That dual layered front is for absorbency. Eiw right? Well, there is an unwritten law that says “Thou shall shake the drips off with 2 shakes only. Thou shall not shake more than twice. I meanest it, thou shall not. Three shakes is not OK, thou knowest it to be true…” So if the two shakes doesn’t sufficiently do the job, the two cotton layers are there to protect you from pee dots. Yeah, so what happens to your boxer friends after an unsuccessful double shake? Well lets just say they don’t have a double thick layer of cotton. Double Eiw.

And I think that will sufficiently gross enough people out to make up for my suffering in boxers this evening. I feel better. How about you?

Unfortunately insomnia really isn’t as cool as just “never getting tired.” See, here it is almost midnight and I’m so absurdly tired that I have to concentrate on every word to make sure it makes sense. Dirt puddle fluffy leg McDoogle dryer. (hehehe, see what I did there…)

I figured I’d take this opportunity to dispel a few misconceptions about what it means to have insomnia. Yes, it means you can’t sleep, but there’s more to it than that:

• Insomnia means you’re tired but can’t sleep. It doesn’t mean you’re not tired so you don’t sleep.
• While some methods of curing (or at least remedying) sleeplessness work for some people, for others they don’t. My examples will be for my case, obviously.
• Reading (again for me) doesn’t work, because I’m too tired to concentrate, so the book doesn’t soak in. It’s basically like reading strings of pointless words. That gets boring pretty quick
• Counting sheep. Please. I could barely force myself to count sheep if I actually had sheep I was responsible to keep track of.
• Over the counter drugs for sleep aid generally do make me go to sleep, but only in short, freakishly strange bouts of dreams. I get out of bed in the morning not only still tired, but as if I just lived through a season of the X-Files
• Work. Sounds good right? Can’t sleep, just do some work. The problem is that my brain is silly putty, remember? Trust me you don’t want me configuring servers OR writing for a magazine in this state. You think I’m bizarre on a good day, just imagine “loopy” Shawn. It sounds better on paper, trust me.

To add insult to injury, in order to actually function the following day I usually need to caffeinate myself. I’m sure you see the problem that likely causes and the vicious circle I find myself in.

So as midnight looms and I’ve already tried for hours to sleep — I now go into the mode that I try relaxation techniques and such. If things go like they have been, about 4:30 I’ll start debating whether trying to go to bed will be worse than just staying up. 4:30 is about my “point of no return” time. About then I consider making coffee.

Sweet dreams everyone.

This morning, due to insomnia problems, I was getting ready for work after my family had already left for school. As I was going through my groggy morning routine I got a call on my cellphone telling me every computer in our school district was frozen. I correctly assumed they didn’t mean the temperature had drastically dropped and rather they were all unresponsive.

My first response after hanging up was to blame the dog.

“Tux! Why are the new switches failing me!?!?!”

Submissive little creature that he is, Tux decided it was time to roll over and let me rub his tummy. I did so, but then scooped him up and put him in his dog crate. (See, Tux thinks alone time is best spent pooping and peeing on carpets, but that’s another story altogether)

I quickly found a pair of mismatched socks from the sock basket, my norm, and put them on. I sat on the couch and tied up my Converse All-Stars. Then as I sprinted through the dining room, I grabbed my tattered jean jacket from the back of the chair where I hung it last night.

Thankfully it’s still early spring here in Michigan. You see, in my haste and confusion I had forgotten to put on pants. The crisp April air on my ghostly white legs quickly pointed out the error. It’s quite possible the neighbor lady died of shock.

Rest assured I did go back inside and put on some pants. Which is good, because I also didn’t have my keys, so I would have been a pantsless maniac pounding on the outside of a school building. I’m pretty sure you go to jail for stuff like that…

Apart from doctor prescribed drugs, anyone have any good tips on curing insomnia? I’m all ears…

I’m 99% sure the PCB failed. The mechanics inside the drive I believe are fine. The problem is, I need to find the exact same model number (WD2500JS-40NGB2) in order to test that theory out.

It will cost over $1,000 to get the drive recovered. I only need to borrow the PCB (circuit board) from a similar drive in order to get the data from it. I would REALLY appreciate it if anyone reading this would tweet, dent, shout, ask their neighbor, etc, etc, if anyone has this specific model of Western Digital 250GB SATA hard drive that I might borrow.

I know it’s a longshot, but who knows.

1) I am not the one that locked the keys in the car. I think that’s important to note. So, noted.

2) Our van is a 2007 Caravan, and doesn’t lend itself to jamming a coat hanger anywhere. Well, not with any actual hopes of doing anything useful.

3) I used the piece of plastic (a cheap cutting board) to jam in between the door and the car. The baffles that prohibit stuff getting jammed in there are pretty easily (read: hour of jamming and wedging) fooled by a piece of stiff yet flexible plastic.

4) Once I had the plastic half in and half out, I poked a hole in the plastic and set a snare with the string.

5) Using physics to both bend the plastic so it would properly lasso the lock mechanism, and gravity to aid in the targeting system, I looped a slip knot around the lock and snugged it up.

6) I shimmied the string up the plastic sheet and then tugged to unlock the door.

7) The theft deterrent system immediately honked my victory to the neighborhood.

For those of you that are visual learners, here’s a reenactment of the whole thing:

Here’s my problem: After my car accident, I don’t really recall all the music that I used to. I know of many artists, but my knowledge is usually responsive rather than something I can call up at will. (ie, I hear a song and I recognize it, but I’d never think of it before hearing it first)

I’m hoping those that read my blog can help with directing me to songs I might like. Please don’t hesitate to suggest something. My likes are widely varied, and change from day to day. The kind of music I really want to rediscover would be music that:

• Shows off really good vocals
• Showcases unique vocal talents, a voice that is easily identifiable.
• I prefer lighter instruments. If it’s not terribly clear, I’m big on vocals.
• Art trumps perfection. The reason Miles Davis was so great was that he was perfect at his imperfections. The way he would fall off a note at the perfect time would add character not attainable with mere musical perfection. You can feel free to disagree, but that’s the kind of music I’m looking for. (Ironic I used an instrumental musician to showcase what I mean about vocals I really like — but a really good instrument counts too. Maybe it’s not just the human voice I like.)
• I really hope for specific song suggestions. Norah Jones, for example, I find to be absolutely brilliant. I don’t *feel* all of her songs though. So please, be specific.

So what do you think? Do you have any suggestions? Here are some random artists I enjoy from time to time:

Norah Jones, Jane’s Addiction, Nirvana, 3rd Day, Barry Manilow, Randy Travis, The Carpenters, Elton John, REM. I know there are tons more, but sadly I just can’t recall all the good ones. Please help me.

• If you forget to tip your waitress, you drive back to the restaurant and do so.
• If you take a sick day, you’d better be sick, and you’d better stay home. If you don’t, everyone will know.
• You don’t have to lock your car. If someone steals it, everyone else will know who did it.
• Police officers have a difficult time making friends, because if they showed favoritism to everyone they knew — no one would get speeding tickets.
• Everybody knows your business. Everybody.
• The only comfortable way to buy condoms, feminine products, or adult diapers is through the self checkout. Before that technology, it was either awkward or you drove to the next town.
• You buy groceries locally, even though it costs a bit more. Because you know the owners, and they are good and honest people.
• Everyone knows who gives the good candy at Halloween.
• If you run out of a prescription, the local pharmacist will give you a few pills while they wait for the doctor to call in the refill. Even if the prescription is outdated. UPDATE: I don’t mean any controlled substances here, strictly things like blood pressure meds.
• Fundraisers work. And you buy more candy, knick-knacks, and pizza kits than you’d ever need. Because it is benefiting the local school kids.
• Phrases like, “I’ll have the regular” really works at restaurants.
• School pride is a town-wide phenomenon.
• The librarian knows what sorts of books you enjoy, and will offer some useful advice on new reads.
• If your dog, cat, or child run away from home, someone will bring them back to you.
• If you get fired for doing something stupid — it’s hard to get another job, because everyone knows the stupid thing you did.
• Checking candy at Halloween is a lot less stressful. Sure, you still throw away the cupcakes from old weird Harriot, but not because they’re poisoned, rather because she’s really weird and put unwrapped cupcakes in your kid’s bags.
• People attend high school sporting events. Lots of people.
• If someone breaks down on the side of the road, you stop to help them. Even if it means you get dirty, are late to work/church/school, or aren’t dressed for the task.

That’s just off the top of my head. Feel free to add more.

1. His name is Tux, but originally it was Fizz-Gig. It fit him well.

2. Our cat is bigger than he is.

3. She reminds him of that when he tries to attack her.

4. His tail stub both creeps me out and fascinates me.

5. He does not like anyone to grab it.

6. He needs his hair cut more often than I do.

7. He’s the runt in a litter where both parents were runts of their own litters. He’s a very tiny Silky Terrier.

8. He very rarely pees in the house anymore.

9. I don’t think he realizes he’s a dog.

10. I’m quite certain he doesn’t realize he’s 8 inches tall.

11. When his hair gets cut, and his eyes are again visible, it freaks me out. I think he stares at me on purpose.

12. He will eat things so gross I can’t write about them on my blog.

13. And then licks people’s faces.

14. When given a stuffed toy, he immediately disembowels it. So quickly in fact, that it’s a little unsettling.

15. When he was a puppy, the hair matted shut over his butt. It was one of the grossest dog experiences I’ve ever been a part of. We threw the scissors away.

16. He’s neutered. (I never said 25 things you wanted to know about him)

17. He is really good at playing fetch.

18. Tux will not chase a laser pointer, but will chase a cat chasing a laser pointer.

19. His name is indeed from the Linux mascot Tux, but I never connect the two in my mind. I think that’s odd.

20. He really likes to lick people.

21. I really don’t like him to lick people, but he doesn’t really care what I think.

22. He’s absurdly ticklish, and if you tickle him while playing tug-o-war, he dances and growls in a most entertaining way.

23. When he eats kibble, he takes a mouthful from the dish in the kitchen, and carries it to the livingroom before eating it.

24. He never drinks from the toilet.

25. He can’t reach the toilet.

I would like some suggestions for exercise that is fun. Something that I might not consider exercise, but rather something fun to do.

No, not that. Sicko.

Here’s a bit about the requirements:

1. I don’t like being outside when it’s cold.

2. It’s always cold here.

3. I have no exercise machinery, nor do I plan to buy any.

4. I enjoy being lazy, but not wasting time. Yes, there is a difference.

5. The first one of you to suggest Richard Simmons videos will get such a pinch.

6. The closest racquetball court is a 40 minute drive, one way.

7. I can’t swim. Well, maybe if being pursued by a shark, but for the most part I don’t swim.

8. I’m the type of person they were targeting with those “electric zapping belt” products from a few years back. If I’d had disposable income at that point, I’d own one.

9. I have pretty severe asthma.

10. I really hate exercising. Really.

Ideas?

OK, enough with the 3rd person. Yeah, I have the flu that has been ravaging our school district. I try really hard to do all my computer work remotely so that I don’t touch keyboards and mice too often — but I have such a horrible immune system, even with such precautions I get sick more often that most.

Being sick all the time gets old. It’s not the sick that really bothers me though, it’s the guilt. I hate being out of commission and just sleeping or moping all day. Since I’m sick more often than anyone on the planet in my family, I tend to feel like I’m milking them for sympathy. So I push myself too hard. And I get MORE sick. It’s a vicious cycle.

Anyway, I hope you’re all doing well. If you see my coffee cups laying around, don’t drink out of them, lest you get the crud.

We have lots of snow. The storm London just got is what we refer to “A Tuesday” around here. That’s not to make light of the situation across the giant pond — it’s just to say that I should be used to it. And have the tools to take care of it.

First of all I should give you a little backstory. I have a toolbox. I really do. It’s big and red and plastic. It contains screwdrivers, wire crimping tools, needle nosed pliers, and a couple really sweet cable testers. And one 3 inch crescent wrench. No, not one that has jaws capable of turning a 3 inch bolt — but rather the handle is 3 inches long. I think it’s made from plastic coated in tin foil.

Anyway, back to the snow. We have lots. So much in fact that our postal delivery lady no longer will attempt to get close enough to our mailbox to deliver our mail. Now, I do have a snowblower, but it is so old that using it require skills that I don’t really have. Here’s a rundown of me snowblowing our driveway:

1. Spend 45 minutes and a can of starting fluid trying to get the frozen machine running. (I also have no garage, so it sits in the snow all the time)

2. Sniff the ether all over my gloves, and forget half of step 3

3. Take the first swipe down the driveway, which hasn’t been shoveled, plowed, or snowblown in many weeks of storms.

4. At the end of the driveway, I’ve seen 12 purple elephants, spoken to a friendly dresser, and the snowblower has warmed up enough to stall.

5. I adjust the throttle and choke, never the same way twice, until it runs again.

6. Take another swipe.

7. Again, snowblower stalls. By this time all the ice has melted from the engine, so even though the choke no longer helps, I can get a screwdriver near the carburetor and adjust the screws. Which screws? I have no idea, whatever turns without falling out.

8. Again, the engine roars to life. The throttle an choke are now working enough that I can milk a few swipes now. Then, the engine gets hot.

9. The engine stalls in the middle of the road while I was turning around. The transmission is coated in ice now, and the lever to disengage the drive won’t work. Thankfully, not much traffic goes down my road, so I get out my screwdriver right there in the road.

10. I loosen a screw too much and it falls out. Gas leaks on my gloves (the ether has long since worn off), and I scramble in the road looking for and its little spring. Apparently at this point the snowblower just had to pee, because when I put the screw back in, I get another couple swipes out of the engine.

11. About the time I think 2 or 3 more swipes will really make the driveway look sharp, the engine quits for good. At the road. And I need to push it by hand up to the house again.

Now, I left out lots of goodies regarding half broken recoil handles, a leaky gas tank, and a finicky gear shifter (it’s a self propelled walk behind deal). The sad thing is, I’m fairly certain many guys could stop by, sniff the exhaust and tell me my canooter valve is loose. One quick turn with an actual wrench and life would be good.

But I’m not that guy.

I’m a Mega Roll man.

Don’t get me wrong, I always read the sheet count on the claims of “just as much TP as 3 regular rolls!” But when it comes down to it, I’d rather buy 8 mega rolls over 24 regular rolls any day. I’ll admit, it takes some mental training, because it seems like you’re buying much less toilet paper. If you can get past the deceptive multi-roll economy size look, the mega roll is king. For several reasons:

1) Yes, it’s more environmentally friendly. Not as much as you’d think, but I suppose a couple cardboard tubes and a little more plastic wrap does add up.

2) It takes up less cupboard space. Granted, we have a lot of cupboards in our house, but filling that space with rolls that don’t make it a single day is just wasteful. And that leads to my big reason for being a Mega Roll Man:

3) You get stranded MUCH less often. If your rolls last 3 times as long, there are that many fewer opportunities for poor planning that result in “butt ring” while you wait for someone to hear you hollering. And I KNOW we’ve all been stranded alone at least once, which is even worse. (I’m also not looking for best practice tips when retrieving TP while pants-ankled)

So for me, it’s Mega Rolls every time. Now wipe that smirk off your face and fess up to your sheet count.

Really, I only want to master a few things:

1) I’d like to stay vertical most of the time.

2) I want to do that cool “snowblower” looking thing that cool skaters do when they stop.

I’m surprisingly good at the first goal, and shockingly bad at the second. I can’t for the life of me figure out how people do that. It looks awesome, plus, the ability to stop is a bonus. Since I’m a geek, I’ll probably google how to skate, and try what I find next time.

Also, there’s the matter of figure skates versus hockey skates. Apart from the toe pick, they seem similar in design, except that if you’re a guy wearing figure skates, you get beat up. I’m fairly certain the male figure skates in the rental place have never been rented. Ever. What’s the deal with hockey skates versus figure skates? Anyone know?

Does anyone still use those things?

I know for a while “softside” waterbeds were all the rage. They were just like a mattress, but instead of springs, there were tubes of water in the middle. I know they also had waveless, semi-wave, full-wave, and who-know-what-else wave options on waterbeds.

Does anyone still use those things?

From what I remember (not much, admittedly) waterbeds were not terribly comfortable, and were not good for your back. Yet, due to the exotic nature of sleeping on water, they were extremely popular for a long time. So I wonder…

Does anyone still use those things?

I’m trying to find a cabin somewhere within a few hundred miles that comes stocked with a fireplace, lots of wood, comfy furnishings, and no Internet access. Oh, and it would help if it were cheap too.

Anyone knowing of a cabin like that anywhere in Michigan or the states that touch it — I’d love to hear about it. Either way, wish me luck. Homey needs a few days off the grid.

Yes, it makes for dangerous travel. I realize that.

Still, it’s really nifty to see happen. I don’t have any photos of the ice, because I stayed inside. I’m like that. If I could stay in slippers and a bathrobe all day, I would.

Here’s my prescription for the day: Hot tea. Blankets. Movies. You have my permission to just chill with the fam. Because I’m sure it’s my permission you were waiting for. O.o

Here’s what my awesome family got me:

Sony PRS-505 and Godzilla slippers…

Last night I was walking around the campus after dark. Something about the location here in southern Michigan creates a Utopia for fireflies. I think that’s awesome. Last night was particularly stunning, because while I looked over the enormous field of firefly covered clover/grass, the lake behind it was a glass mirror reflecting the stars from above. It was awe inspiring.

Then a mosquito bit me on the leg and ruined the whole thing. Stupid nature.

I was so not cool back in high school. I’m OK with that. Donna, however, was pretty cool. We didn’t go to the same school, and that’s probably a good thing, or I’d have never had the guts to talk to her. And homegirl can dance. This afternoon her and the girls were dancing in the living room. I’m so thankful our girls have Donna to show them how to be cool. I’m glad they have me too, but there is so much they’d miss out on if it were for my awesome wife.

How are you?

[Shawn and Donna are walking into the school for work, Shawn has a key to the front door]

Donna: You know, I’m just using you for your key…
Shawn: That makes sense, I am the keymaster. Are you the gatekeeper?
Donna: No, I’m the Lemon Merchant (see below).
Shawn: (in maniacal Ren voice) Don’t worry… I’LL SAVE YOU!

I love that the conversation would make no sense to anyone, and even with the aid of the links above, you may be more than a little confused. But it reminded me how lucky I am to have such a cool wife and best friend.

Then, the reason I didnt’ stay at work after taking the kids, is because our toilets won’t flush. No mere plunger will do the trick, either. Our septic tank is full. At least, that’s my hope. Getting it pumped out is the cheap fix. Why it filled up when my soil is sandier than the beach is the larger worry. I’m going to try forgetting about that though. It turns out the tank is full, because when I finally got close to the the lid with a shovel, I was met by the foulest geyser you can imagine. I think I shall call it “Olde Crapful” (Yes, I added an “e” to the word old, because indeed whatever died down there has been rotting since that was the proper spelling…)

The poop pumping guy comes in about an hour. Then, I’m going to shower. Hard.

I figure Cory will appreciate it’s color, and I’m secure enough in my manhood to use it as well. Plus, even though the message was originally from me, it still reminds me of the girl I had it inscribed for.

I’m not one of those people.

You know those people that have a crackberry/palm pilot/iPhone strapped to their side, and if their batteries die, they do too?

I’m not one of those people either.

As it turns out, I’ve been trying to get organized for close to a decade now. For some reason, I can never quite get it when it comes to scheduling things. It’d be nice to claim I’m too creative for schedules, but not only would it be a lie — it would also just be a nice artsy fartsy excuse for my failure. I don’t want to be one of those people.

Now that I have 2 awesome jobs, scheduling is critical. You see, I also have an awesome family that deserves my time. (What did they do to deserve that you ask? Well, they fed me, now they’re stuck with me) My current attempt at organization is Google Calendar:

The advantage is that I can access it from any computer, and “syncing” is not required. I’ve tried the syncing game, and it always burns me. When I get a phone next month with a data plan, I should be able to access my calendar anywhere. This pleases me…

How do you stay organized?

UPDATE: If the youtube video above is blocked, try going here instead…

So far today, I had a “lobby room discussion” with John and Krissy Scalzi, and also with Randall Monroe (of XKCD). Benjamin Mako Hill agreed to do an interview with me later, AND I think I’m having sushi for dinner. What a day!

In all honesty though, I really do miss my family like crazy. Since the Internet connection is so poor, we weren’t able to Skype well last night either, so I didn’t get my fix. So this is for my family, but y’all can watch:

Lizzie is home sick today, and Grandma is staying at the house with her while Donna and I are working. Donna gave Grandma her cellphone, because we no longer have a landline phone. (It went away when the DSL went away). Unfortunately, Grandma left the cellphone in the car, and I needed to get in touch with her, because the cable repair guy was coming over today.

Since she wouldn’t answer the phone, I figured I’d try to call her via Skype. Normally, I only Skype while I’m off at a conference or something, and Donna will connect us up so we can all talk. Today, however, Donna (Mommy) wasn’t there to initiate the connection, so I just hoped that Lizzie would hear the Skype ring, and figure out what to do. It took a few tries, but on the 3rd or 4th try, I saw her sluggish, yet smiley face looking back at me through the webcam.

“Hi Daddy,” she said.

“Hi sweety! Is Grandma there?”

“Yeah, she’s right there,” Lizzie pointed to the couch, out of the camera’s view.

I spoke to Grandma, and loved on Lizzie a bit, then disconnected. I was very impressed with her technical prowess, but what really struck me is that she was happy to figure out how to start the connection, but actually video chatting in real time wasn’t out of the norm for her. It’s still a big deal for me, and I’m a bit awed every time I use Skype — but for Lizzie, video chatting over the Internet is the “norm.”

My kids are going to be so much more comfortable with technology than I am. I’m certain someday my kids will look at me with the same nostalgic charm that I look at my parents’ generation and their blinking 12:00 VCRs…

This post shall be the official, “Remind Shawn” post. If it’s after 8:30AM EST, and I haven’t updated that widget in the corner, please don’t hesitate to slap me around a bit in the comment section. I deserve it.

(I don’t, however, deserve the kindness of you guys reminding me — but I’m just going to be thankful, and accept it on behalf of my family. They kinda want me around for the long haul, and high blood pressure sorta negates that likelihood. Thanks again.)

I’d like to take this time to share my views on speaking to your kids about drugs. Do it. Often.

Yes, yes, that’s a pretty common mantra, “Talk to your kids about drugs.” What I want to stress though, is that you really need to talk with them about drugs. Openly. Freely. With it being OK to joke about it, and ask questions, and be comfortable about the topic. We should discourage drug use, but encourage drug awareness.

If your child associates “drug talks” as some dark, threatening, awkward thing that must be endured from parents — your talks will do very little once your child grows “wings” of their own. Don’t let that happen. Make it so that your kids know more about drugs than the peers trying to force them into it. Let your kid be the one that confidently and correctly calls them idiots for doing drugs.

Ok, that’s my public service message. I’m proud of Amanda. She’s awesome.

• (1) Bottle of sparkling grape juice. (The kids like to pretend its wine)
• (2) Bags of Doritos (they’re on sale buy one get one)
• (3) Kid Cuisine TV dinners.

And this is the coupon that printed out for me:

Don’t get me wrong, $2.00 off seems like a good deal and all, but I find the demographics a bit off…

1) Janiece sent me this jam, because she’s really awesome, and I am pathetically awesomely fast with comments.

2) It arrived when I was in Houston, and my family waited until I got home to open it. Which means that:

3) The missing jam has all been consumed in the past few days.

I know what you’re thinking. I’m a big pig, and I eat the stuff out of the jar with a spoon. Well, you’re only partially right. I did take a big spoonful out to try it. BUT, the majority of jam consumption was accomplished by my family. That’s significant because they normally don’t like strawberry jam. This is assuredly due to the yumminess of her creation.

Thanks Janiece!!!

If you commute, do you Skype with your family? You should try it…

Carlie: I’m pretty sure you have to do the challenge now…

1) Ever been in a relationship lasting over 5 years?

Yes, been married for 12 years. Also, had a pair of sneakers for about 7. The wife is much better looking. And smells nicer.

2) What was one of your dreams growing up?

A writer. Really. Probably an astronaut as well, but the writer thing has been pretty constant my whole life.

3) What talent do you wish you had?

Money management. I actually wish there was a service that took all my money, paid all my bills, planned for retirement, and gave me the appropriate amount for food and gas. I really really suck at managing money. Or, in lieu of that, the ability to turn snow into gold. That would suffice.

4) If I bought you a drink what would it be?

Coffee. Strong. Black.

5) Favorite books?

Well, I’ve had to start over with my reading since my car accident — so my pool to pick from is smaller. I liked “Forever War” quite a bit, and Heinlein always seems to please. I’m glad I read Dune, but have no desire to read more in the series.

6) What was the last book you read?

Spiderwick Chronicles. (To the kids)
Currently reading, “Stranger in a Strange Land”

7) Astrology: Menace to science education or entertainment?

It seems absurd to me that people take Astrology as more than fluffy silliness, but some do. So for that alone, I say menace.

8 ) Any tattoos and/or piercings? Explain where.

Nope. I’ve accidentally poked large holes in my hide before, but the outcome is almost always stitches and tetanus shots as opposed to pretty decorations.

9) Worst habit?

Chewing my nails.

10) Best attribute?

Hmm… I’m not really sure. I’m loyal to a fault, so I’m not sure if that’s good or not. I guess I’ll just say I’m a Nice Guy. With faults, but still, I’m usually a Nice Guy. Oh, and I guess I’m funny. But saying you’re funny takes away the funny. So no, I’m not funny.

11) What are your favorite hobbies?

Reading, surfin’ the ‘net (duuuude…), messing with computers, learning.

12) Do you have a negative or optimistic attitude?

Unfortunately, negative. I have to work to stay positive, because really, that’s so much better. I think my job has ruined me in that regard. I’m not nearly as carefree and silly as I used to be.

13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?

Pray that I (or you) hadn’t eaten chili recently. Seriously though, talk and joke. I like people in small groups, it’s the large rooms full of people that make me stabby.

14) Worst thing to ever happen to you?

Car accident. It was also the best thing that happened to me. So go figure.

15) Best thing to ever happen to you?

Well, see above…

16) Tell me one weird fact about you.

My right foot is is slightly turned out. When I stand, my feet look like this: | /

17) What if I showed up at your house unexpectedly?

The dogs would bark. Incessantly. I would holler at them. They would continue to bark. Then I’d offer to make you some coffee.

18) What was your first impression of me?

Gruff but not mean. The kind of guy that might pull my car out of a ditch, and expect nothing but sincere thanks in return. (I’m that kinda guy too)

19) What scares you?

Those I care about going through pain that I can’t take away. On small and large scales. This is especially true of my kids. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for them. (Warning: Link to some of my Christian theological struggles)

20) If you could change one thing about how you are, what would it be?

I wish I was more of a risk taker, professionally at least. The problem is that I’m paranoid about providing for my family, AND I suck at money management (see above).

21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?

It depends. I’d be Robin Hood’s Little John. I’m vengeful like that.

22) What color eyes do you have?

I dunno, you judge: (Today, they look green… it varies)

23) Ever been arrested? If so, what for?

Nope. I should have been once though, after a certain weekend party at college. We were walking home through downtown Houghton, after all the bathrooms were closed. ’nuff said.

24) Favorite dessert?

Something with cinnamon. I really love cinnamon.

25) If you won $1000 today, what would you do with it?

Pay bills. $1000 ain’t what it used to be.

26) Tell me something you want me to know about you.

There’s nothing I enjoy more than making people smile. Oh, and I HATE being tickled. So don’t tickle me. I mean it.

27) What’s your favorite place to hang out?

A comfy chair near a fireplace. There is no such place anywhere in my life. This saddens me.

28) Do you believe in ghosts? Aliens?

Ghosts, no. Aliens, yes. Not that have visited us, or are living among us, but it seems absurd that we’re it.

29) Favorite thing to do in your spare time?

Read and write. I find little time to do either. This too saddens me.

30) Do you swear a lot?

Very, very rarely. And then, it’s mild profanity.

31) Biggest pet peeve?

Idiots.

32) In one word, how would you describe yourself?

Splarnictintious. I think I deserve my own word. (So, maybe that means, “Conceited…”)

33) Do you believe in/appreciate romance?

Yes, I’m just very bad at it. This saddens my wife immensely.

34) Most unusual place you’ve had sex?

Use your imagination. I guarantee it’s more interesting than the truth.

35) Do you believe in an afterlife?

Yes, but realize I’m one of the most skeptical Christians I know. This too saddens me.

Your turn!

Second, we just read, as a family, the whole Spiderwick series. There are 5 books in the set, and they are a very quick, very fun read. They are the sort of book that just begs to be read out loud to kids. Thankfully, it’s fast paced and fun — so it’s fun for the whole family, even our youngest. (She just turned 7)

Something that tickled my fancy, but was sort of a bummer for the kids, is that the books are WAY better than the movie. They noticed this. Very quickly. Also, they noticed how drastically different the movie was from the book. Again, all wonderful things for children to realize, because now they might actually see the advantage to books.

Don’t take that as a shot at the movie. The movie itself was awesome. Great special effects, great plot, fast action (no boring beginning, the action starts pretty early on). The kids, and their parents, truly liked the film. It might be a bit scary for particularly young children, but it’s not TOO bad. Nothing a hug from Mom wasn’t able to make all better during those scenes.

Looking at the credits, the 2 book authors were (I think) executive directors, or producers, or one of those fancy “we’re involved” titles. I think that’s really good, but it must have been heartbreaking for them at the same time. They had to butcher the books quite a bit. I don’t think they made any bad choices (apart from Hogsqueal, his character in the book is done soooooo much better), but lots of changes were made.

Anyway, I heartily recommend the movie, and forcibly urge you to read the books. If you have kids, read the books out loud to them. They will like it, and so will you.

Donna loves books, so I’m sure her enthusiasm came through in the interview. AND, the library is conveniently located approximately 2 feet from my office! (This is a good thing, my wife is teh awesome.)

So if you see my wife, be sure to congratulate her.

DISCLAIMER: If your significant other actually reads my blog, well, that’s pretty cool, but you don’t have to comment on the gift unless it’s already a done deal. As mine is.

Since Amazon will be delivering the gift tomorrow while I’m at work, Donna already knows what she’s getting. See, the gift requires some explanation… This Valentine’s Day, I ordered Donna (5) hot water bottles. That might seem odd, because, well, it is.

Donna has wanted a hot water bottle all winter, and we’ve never seen one in a store. That part of the gift was very sweet, and yes, she was very touched by my remembering. The extra 4 bottles, however, needed the explanation. The simple answer? So she doesn’t have to share HERS!!!

(The expectation is that Mommy’s cool new hot water bottle will be very popular, and Mommy will be guilted into sharing. This way, everyone can use one, and Mommy still gets it all to herself.)

Nothing like breeding greed for the holidays!

Har har har…

I cherish this cup.

Now, NASCAR? Not so much. Don’t get me wrong, I think I’d enjoy driving a race car. I also think I’d do very well, right up to the point that I wrecked in a fiery inferno. There is this tiny little Neanderthal in me that comes out when I’m driving things like 4-wheelers, snowmobiles, dirt bikes, and I think race cars. I drive them like an absolute maniac. There’s a rather interesting story that I’ll tell someday that involves me breaking my back on a 4-wheeler…

BUT, watching NASCAR is about the lamest, most boring “sport” I could ever imagine. If you are a NASCAR fan, and you’re reading this, please explain the joy you get from it. Because apart from my coffee mug — it just doesn’t do anything for me.

UPDATE: Apparently, “NASCAR” must be shouted, and needs to be spelled in all caps. I’ve corrected my silly ignorance. (at least my silly ignorance in this matter)

On March 2, 1999, I was on my way to work. Apparently I had a cellphone in one hand, a cup of pumpkin spice cappuccino in the other hand, and an open briefcase next to me on the seat. The problem is that I was driving a car at the time, and apparently I didn’t enough hands for such multitasking. My car went off the road and into a group of trees, missing each one. That part was amazing.

It wasn’t a smooth ride through the foliage, however, because my head ended up getting thrown through the driver’s side window. So to set the scene, My little Chevy Cavalier was off the road, having jumped a snow bank. My head, scratched and bleeding, was hanging out of the driver’s side window. I was buckled in (thankfully), and unconscious. Due to being in that position for about 45 minutes before being found, I was shivering uncontrollably from exposure.

And the beginning of the story is the less depressing part. It only gets worse.

When I actually woke up, on the way to the hospital, I was in the back of an ambulance with IVs coming from my arms. (I’m actually thankful I was knocked out for that portion.) A paramedic named Steve was trying to chit-chat with me, to see if I had any brain damage, to keep me out of shock, etc. Steve is my first memory. Looking up in that rattly ambulance is like the moment my “ON” switch was tripped. I don’t remember anything before that moment. At all.

The hospital was… odd. Since I couldn’t remember anything, the doctors were sure I was a drug user strung out on something. Either that or I had spinal meningitis. My head hurt in a way that only people that suffer from migraines will understand. It was the type of pain that makes you want to beg someone to shoot you. That sounds morbid — but it’s really true. Anyway, the only way to “tell” what was wrong with me was to take a spinal tap. Since I was a druggie (um, no), they couldn’t risk so much as a local numbing agent, so I get the full monty needle in my back without so much as an ice cube to numb the pain. Thankfully, my head hurt bad enough that the little needle hanging out of my back wasn’t as bad as it sounds now.

Apparently, spinal taps take a long time to get results from, because I had to lay in the room without any pain medication for many hours. I didn’t know anyone. I had a wedding ring on, but was sure I didn’t have any kids (I was wrong). I didn’t know if anyone was looking for me. I was truly scared, in a way that I can’t ultimately describe.

Anyway, that evening, still without any pain medicine, a nurse came in to give me the phone. My wife was on the other end, and asked me what happened. They hadn’t told her about my condition, and she didn’t understand why I hadn’t called her. She had been driving around all day trying to figure out what happened to me, and stopped at the hospital in a desperation attempt to find me. I said something vague, and apparently she recognized my confusion, because although I don’t remember exactly what she said, I could sense the terror in her voice. A few minutes later she was in my room. Very beautiful. Very pregnant. Very scared.

Yes, it was awkward. But, you see, my wife is incredible. She held it together in a way that looking back, I can’t fully understand. As I type this, there are tears in my eyes remembering the odd combination of pain, confusion, fear, and love. It was a strange couple days in the hospital, and during the stay, I started to think I was some weird science experiment (much like the Truman Show). It wasn’t until my 2 year old daughter came to the hospital on the 2nd or 3rd day that I knew it was all genuine. See, adults could be faking. A 2 year old, however, couldn’t fake the excitement to see Daddy in the hospital room. Amanda ran across the room, with arms outstretched, shouting, “Daddy! Daddy!” I’m not sure she’ll ever know how important that moment was for me.

Anyway, the story gets more depressing from there, so I’ll abbreviate it a bit. I had constant headaches for months, and I actually didn’t sleep for about a month and a half. They say you go crazy if you don’t sleep. They’re right. It was the lowest point in my life. I couldn’t leave the house, I was agoraphobic. I couldn’t work, because I’d forgotten how. I stuttered. I was depressed. Very, very depressed.

And, to top things off, the car insurance company denied my insurance claim. Since I was shaking when the ambulance picked me up, they based their denial on the report I was “shaking” — because that meant I had a seizure, which is a preexisting condition. Having epilepsy would negate their responsibility to pay for my doctor bills, and my rehabilitation bills. Great, except that I had an EKG, X-Ray, MRI, and CT scan. I did not have a seizure, I was just shivering from the cold. They wouldn’t change their denial. I was stuck. No rehab. No counseling. Plenty of bills.

Donna went to work bussing tables at a local restaurant for minimum wage. (7 months pregnant at this point) We moved into her mother’s house, and slept on a mattress on the floor. Life was not great. Then, Donna had complications, and was forced to go on bed rest for the last month of pregnancy. Shortly after, we were a very sad family of 4.

Here’s the point where the welfare system does what it is designed to do. We managed to get enough doctor notes, or whatever, to qualify for food stamps and a pittance of monthly income along with Medicaid insurance. My headaches were largely gone, and I started to relearn my trade. Thankfully, I had a computer, and oddly enough, I retained the ability to type like a mad fool. I spent the next 6 months self-learning about Linux, networking, computer repair, etc. In February of 2000, I was hired as the Technology Director for the local school district, where I still work. The administration took a big risk in hiring me, and I’ll forever be in their debt. I’m told it was a combination of my heartfelt, honest cover letter, and the fact that everyone in town knew my wife and our family.

So anyway, that’s the story of my car accident. I never did remember my past, apart from occasional odd “glimpses” of things. I’ve pieced together my history from speaking with others, and I think my brain might have filled in some of the gaps without me even realizing it. Memory loss isn’t as clear cut as you’d think. Many of my memories are ones that I’ve created from what people have told me — but I think many actual memories are in there too, and I can’t tell the difference. For the most part though, I never got anything back.

Now? Oh, we’re doing great. We have 3 beautiful girls, and they’re all doing great. We bought a house (not fun with tens of thousands of dollars worth of bad medical debt…) The rest you pretty much know. I’ve started writing, which has been a dream of mine both before and after my accident. And I never lost my sense of humor. There are funny stories galore about the whole ordeal, but I think I’ll save those for another time.

When Donna started working with him, he was violent, disrespectful, and quite honestly, a little scary. Today, however, he did something that was so funny, I thought I’d share.

Normally, this young man swears like a sailor (no offense, my naval visitors). In the time that he’s been with my wife, however, that’s largely diminished. Today was proof. He’s not having a very good day, which is to say that he’s been challenging to manage. He got mad at Donna for something, but instead of actually swearing at her like he would have a month ago, he yelled, “You’re the ‘B’ word, you know that?!?!”

I know, for most kids, that would be horrible. But for this young man, it was the most restrained he’s ever been. She told me about it at lunch today, and it made me laugh. Sadly, the trial period for Donna is ending on Monday, and the position will go to a union member with the most seniority — but hopefully the stint with Donna will help the new aide. As long as she’s not a B word.

Yes, penguin poop tastes good, albeit crunchy.

UPDATE: Make sure to check out the review.

We try to read it every year, and it always makes me smile. We even have the made for television version of the book as well. It’s not as charming as the book, but still a fun show to watch.

Happy Holidays everyone. May your holiday season be stress free, and joy filled.

Anyway, after school, we had to retake our Christmas photo, because in the last sitting, yours truly towered over the family like a middle aged totem pole. It looked silly. So, back to the scenic spot for our photo. It turned out nice, and if I hadn’t told you, you’d never know I’d thrown up shortly before the photo was taken:

After a dozen takes, we ended up with that charming shot you see above. Standing up that 12th time, however, proved to be more than I could handle, and I took a lovely little ride down the riverbank. I managed to catch myself before a full fledged swim was required, but it sure didn’t make my day any better. You’ll notice the snowy scenery? Yeah, that’s real. Real cold.

How was your day?

Our youngest daughter, Lizzie, has her very first solo ever at about the 34 second mark. She’s 6 years old, and we are so proud. In fact, all 3 of our kids had solos (not just because my wife was the director!), and they all did wonderful. Lizzie gets the spotlight on Daddy’s blog, however, because it’s her first.

I’m so happy the musical is over! That’s not to say it wasn’t wonderful, but to get back to the regular amount of holiday stress will be quite a relief.

A (micro)chip off the old block.

But hey, she gets to hang out with the old man this afternoon, because Mommy’s at work. We are both sitting on the couch, each with a laptop. I’m doing this, and she’s helping feed hungry kids. I feel a little guilty, so follow that link and redeem my blogging.