It’s quite unsettling to have everyone else eating while I sip my ice water. Sure, I could snitch a crouton or two, but really it’s not the same. I could make a pterodactyl out of my placemat. Really. I make a mean paper pterodactyl. I worry it would be considered rude to start a craft project during the meal though. So, here I sit, blogging on my phone. It could be worse.

Here’s my holiday tip for those of you frequenting restaurants with your family: Order the salad bar. Really. Everyone else will, and you’ll be like me, alone with your phone. You’ll hope your meal comes soon, but you’ll realize the kitchen put your order on hold because everyone is eating salad. Happy Holidays everyone. May your weekend be full of food, and not paper pterodactyls.

UPDATE: This blog post was eaten TWICE by the WordPress application for Android. Yes, I’m an idiot for expecting something different the second time I typed it on my phone…

This time, I’m not so great with the willpower. So I’ll give you some of the things I do to help curb my appetite. It’s not a diet plan, it’s not a 12 step program, just some things I do that help me lose weight.

Tip 1: Have Snacks

When you eat a giant salad for lunch, you WILL be hungry at 2PM. You will NOT want more salad, and you’ll probably cave into bad snacks unless you have some good ones readily available. Have apples available. Or preferably, vegetables. Carrots are great. Yes, they are one of those “bad veggies” that are high in sugar, blah blah blah. You’ll never meet a person that is fat from carrot intake, trust me.

If plain carrots don’t light your fire, try dipping them in hummus. Hummus is magical food. It’s really great. I’d suggest making your own though, because the store bought stuff if loaded with olive oil. You can make it really low fat, and add stuff like taco seasoning for a really yummy carrot dip.

Tip 2: V-8 is Great

Yes, it’s terribly high in sodium. It’s not really cheap. For some reason, however, this low calorie drink seems to satisfy a “food” craving for me. Plus, if you get the spicy kind, it leaves your mouth feeling all hot and bothered, which makes other food not sound as appealing. If you are hungry for food, a small glass of warm or cold V-8 might make things all better for about 50 calories. It’s a caloric bargain.

Tip 3: Have Thirds

This tip is often titled “eat smaller portions”, but I like my way better. Use a small plate, and allow yourself to go back for more. I like to use a really small plate (saucer size), and go back a couple times. I don’t feel guilty getting more food, and the time it takes to go back and forth allows your body to realize it’s full. Small plates are awesome.

Tip 4: Eat Frozen Veggies. Lots of Them.

Frozen veggies are often more healthy than fresh. I’m not making that up, it’s really true. If you eat green veggies (I like broccoli and peas) in mass quantities, it will fill you up with very little caloric regret. Plus there’s lots of fiber. I think that’s supposed to be good too. Be careful you don’t get frozen veggies with sauce already built in though. Like adding a bunch of salad dressing to a salad makes it unhealthy, sauces or butter on veggies negates the “low calorie” thing. I like to microwave an entire bag of frozen broccoli, put some seasonings on it (dry, no calorie), and eat the entire thing. Sometimes I’ll chase that with a half bag of frozen peas as well.

Tip 5: Drink Water

Another staple in diet tips, this one, for me, is simply a matter of physics. Drink a lot of water before eating, and you can’t cram as much stuff in. Yes, the water “goes away” quickly, but usually we overeat because we don’t give our bodies time to feel full. This helps a little. (It’s not magic though, I mean, it’s water, not food. Don’t expect too much.)

Tip 6: Beer and Wine are not Beverages

OK, they are. But pretend they’re not. If you like beer or wine (or hard liquor I guess), treat them like desserts, not beverages. If you by a 30 pack of Bud, and chug ‘em down like water — you will get a beer gut. “Beer gut” isn’t a metaphor, it’s a huge belly from drinking too much beer. Just because it’s not sweet doesn’t mean it’s not loaded with carbs. If you really like beer, get some expensive imports, so drinking one costs like $5-$6. You won’t chug 10 of them in a row, trust me. Same goes with wine. Sure, you can drink it with dinner, but don’t think of it as something you wash your food down with — think of it as a spice or something that adds to a meal. Have a glass of water on the table if you get thirsty, don’t gulp your wine.

Tip 7: Don’t Worry About Thanksgiving

It’s one day. Anyone that has tried to eat smart on Thanksgiving knows, it sucks. Enjoy yourself. If you want to try to be smart, eat slow. You’ll know when you’re stuffed before you have to unbutton your pants!

So there you go, Shawn’s tips for losing weight. Ask me in about 6 months if it worked again. I need to lose about 50 pounds this time, and I don’t have nearly the will power I did before.

That being said, while they may understand how to brew good coffee, they apparently haven’t figured out physics. Or perhaps they haven’t figured out Styrofoam. Let me explain.

In the photo above, you’ll see that McDonald’s has taken a regular Styrofoam cup, and covered it with paper. Perhaps so no one realizes they are still using Styrofoam, since it’s so environmentally taboo? Who knows. Anyway, you’ll see the mysterious coffee that happens to be under the paper. Anyone who drinks McDonald’s coffee very often has had a cup drip from the bottom. It’s very frustrating because you don’t expect a drip from the bottom, and since it’s dripping from underneath the paper sheath — there is no way to stop the drip. It stains your pants, your shirt, your desk, your paperwork, etc.

How does the coffee get there you might ask? Well, the answer is physics. Look at the following photo:

What starts as a small imperfection in the top of the Styrofoam cup, turns into a physics dynamo, which pumps coffee directly from under the lid onto your pants. If the paper weren’t there, you’d get an occasional drip, which your thumb would catch, at which point you’d simply adjust the lid so it no longer leaks. Thanks to the paper coating, however, the drip is quietly and sinisterly absorbed into the paper. It then wicks all the way down the cup, and begins randomly dripping from around the entire bottom of the cup.

The first few months of this were maddening. I thought I just kept getting leaky cups. It turns out it was much more complex. So my only suggestion to fellow McDonald’s coffee drinkers? Drink fast. Wicking is relatively slow. And the most frustrating part? Throw the cup away after you’re finished. I tended to use my McDonald’s cup all day, to save on disposables. If you keep using the flawed design, the dripping gets worse and worse.

So there you have it, your lunchtime physics lesson.

If you think an awesome grill would have propane fire, quite frankly you don’t know the awesomeness that is charcoal. Here you can see me with my ninja cooking utensils and my chimney starter full of burning briquettes. (If you don’t have a chimney starter, go buy one. You’ll be thankful you did.)

Just out of frame is a bowl of soaking hickory chips. I debated whether to use hickory or mesquite, but since it’s the beginning of summer, I figure I can alternate all year. Because really there’s no wrong answer. Mmmmmm…

I hope your weekend is half as good as mine. I’d wish it to be as awesome, but I fear you might explode.

Anyway, in no particular order, here’s what I hope to do in 2010:

1) Finish the project I’m horribly behind on.

Unfortunately, it’s a time sensitive project, and the time has long since passed the sensitive zone. The people I’m working with on this project are incredibly wonderful to work with, and beyond understanding when it comes to my crazy schedule — but I gotta be honest, they deserve better. I’d like to get this particular resolution done in January.

2) Learn to use a Linux video editor.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a zealot when it comes to Linux. I’m really not. Here’s the deal though, I’d really like to make the videos I do for Linux Journal on a Linux machine. It just seems like the right thing to do. My lack of motivation for switching has been because I can already edit video really efficiently on OSX, and it took me a long time to learn Final Cut. Still, I’d like to use Linux as my primary system, so this is a goal. (Kris Occhipinti has been a huge motivation on this front. Thanks Kris.)

3) Change the way I eat.

Note: This is not a, “Lose Weight” resolution. This is an, “Eat Better” resolution. There are two major problems with my current eating lifestyle: Quantity & Quality. Once I finish resolution #1, hopefully I can take some of that time to actually cook food. I still eat at restaurants way too often.

4) Exercise.

I’ll be honest, this is the least likely resolution I’ll be able to accomplish. Donna convinced me to go into the local gym every morning and work out with her for a month. Since I’ll have to pay for the membership, I’ll do my best to accomplish it. Perhaps walking on a treadmill next to Donna will make it less horrifying. Man, I really hate exercise…

5) Write a Book.

I don’t care if it’s a little all year, or a cram session in November (NaNoWriMo), I really want to write a book. I’m not sure if I’ll start with fiction or technology — but I must write a book. Really.

So that’s it. It’s a lot, but I purposefully didn’t put anything on there I don’t think I can accomplish. If all you’re lacking for your New Year’s Resolutions is the commitment to make them, feel free to do so in the comment section. If you slip up, we’ll know. Well, ok, only if you tell us. But still, feel free to commit below.

Happy New Year’s!!!!

Yesterday we bought tofu. I really love tofu. I can eat hunks of tofu cold, and think it’s a great snack. (My family vehemently disagrees with me, but whatever) Seriously though, tofu is often thought of as a way to cram protein into a vegetarian dish — honestly, I just think it’s cool how versatile it is. I mean really, it’s a blank slate flavor-wise. That means you can make it taste any way you like. Heck, I’ve even seen people cook tofu in lard, so it takes like meat, but I’ve never really understood such a procedure. (Just buy meat!)

Anyway, this tofu is going into a huge pot of miso soup. So yes, it’s basically soybeans in soybean soup. But I’ve added veggies, so it’s not all soybeans. I make miso soup with spinach instead of wakame, because my family DOES NOT like seaweed. Oh well, they eat tofu. I suppose I can’t complain!

I still hate exercise.

I’ve put a lot of thought into this, and it’s not physical activity that bothers me, it’s the lack of accomplishing anything. If we had a woodstove, I would happily chop wood for hours. If I had to crank start our car every morning, I would do so without complaint. Heck, I think if I had to ride an exercise bike in order to generate electricity to watch TV — I would do it. I just hate exercise for exercise’s sake. And no, “getting healthy” doesn’t count as a productive activity. I’m too short sighted for such a thing.

If it wasn’t for the ice and snow 6 months out of the year, I would buy a bicycle and ride to work every day. But that gets REALLY unpleasant around this time of year. Also, it makes hauling equipment difficult. It also makes it hard to take the kids to school and such. I don’t know what I’ll do on the exercise front, but for now I’m concentrating on food.

Food. I really like food. I’m going to try taking this opportunity to cook more at home, and cook healthier than we’ve been eating. Most of my “specialty” dishes are vegan, and very healthy. (Vegan and healthy are not automatically inclusive) I’m hoping to rekindle my love of cooking, and in turn eat foods that make me skinny instead of fat.

Wish us luck!

1 Bag wide egg noodles (whole wheat works, and tastes fine)
1 Can cream of mushroom soup
1 Package dry onion soup mix
1 16oz container of sour cream (low fat works good, fat free isn’t quite as tasty)
1 lb Beef. Any beef works, I usually use lean stew meat or steak

Procedure:

1. Fill large pot with water for noodles. Start this first, as it takes the longest. In fact, go have a cup of coffee after you start the water, because if you start the next steps right away, you’ll be waiting for the noodles to cook.
2. Heat thin layer of oil (I use porcini infused olive oil imported from Italy, but whatever you like) in a thick bottomed pan. Get it hot, so that a drop of water dances like crazy if dripped on it.
3. Put cubed meat into pan. I cut into small bite size pieces. IMPORTANT: Do not stir! Let the meat sear to seal in the flavor and tenderness. After a few minutes of cooking, check the meat to see if it has a good searing on the pan side. Then stir up the meat and continue cooking on high flame.
4. About now, your water pot is probably boiling. Add the noodles and stir them up. Let them cook while you finish the rest.
5. When the meat starts to release its juices so that it looks like the meat is boiling, turn down the flame to medium low, and add the dry soup mix. (Don’t boil the meat, it will get tough) Stir up the meat/soup mixture until you get a thick slurry of yummy smelling goodness. Depending on the meat you use, you may have to add a little water so the soup mix dissolves.
6. Add can of concentrated cream of mushroom soup. Do not add the can of water, just put in the concentrated stuff. Stir in with the meat/onion soup mixture, and heat on low heat until it’s hot. Turn off the flame, and see how your timing was. Are the noodles done?
7. Drain noodles, return to pot.
8. Mix sour cream into meat mixture. You want to wait until the last minute with this, because the fresher the sour cream is, the better the stroganoff tastes.
9. I always mix the cream mixture into the noodles. It is the perfect amount for noodle mixing. If you prefer to pour the gravy mix over noodles on the plate, so be it, but your leftovers may not match up proportion-wise. You’ve been warned.
10. Eat and enjoy! NOTE: Unlike most foods, while still delicious, it tastes best right after it’s prepared and not the next day as leftovers. Also, doubling or tripling the recipe works very well. Even though it’s not as good the next day, I always make WAY more than we’ll eat so I can have it the next day.

That’s it. You now know my super simple, super secret, recipe. Thanks Mom!

The back of the bottle explains the name, “Layer Cake” by saying good wine should be like a layer cake. There should be a layer of chocolate, a layer of fruit, and a layer of spices. I liked the imagery, so bought the bottle. (Plus, the guy at the wine store said he liked it.)

Here’s my take. My metaphors may not be as colorful as Gary Vaynerchuk’s, but I’ll do my best:

The wine has nice color. It’s a Zinfandel, and has the deep color you’d expect to see. It’s fun on the nose. Not literally of course, but smelling it. It has a really powerful overripe fruit smell. It’s almost like fresh red licorice. It’s not like the dried out stuff, but that powerful almost chemical smell of fresh red licorice. It smells intriguing.

The taste is a bit startling. Now, I know you’d think if there’s a picture of cake on the bottle, I should expect it to be sweet. Honestly though, this Zinfandel is hard to place on the sweetness scale. I did not expect a dessert wine, but it’s definitely sweet. Sadly, not quite as sweet as a dessert wine would be. To me it’s tough to fit it anywhere.

As far as flavor (mid-palette I guess is the proper term), it’s fairly fruity, but there’s not much to write home about. I thought there would be more tannins based on how deep red it is, but really it’s a pretty simple wine. You can swish it as much as you want, and you’re not gonna get that much out of it. It doesn’t taste bad, it’s just not as exciting as I thought it would be based on the smell.

The finish, or as us hicks call it, “aftertaste” isn’t really great. My first thought was to describe it as though the wine was crapping in my mouth on the way down. The only lingering flavor is a weird bitter taste that just won’t go away. I’m normally a big fan of lingering flavor in wine — but I wish this one would stop. Please.

So while I have no idea how I’d rate it, I can tell you it’s not worth the $17.99 I paid for the bottle. It’s not bad enough I’ll dump it out, but I won’t buy it again. I also wanted to comment on the screw top. First off, I’m not a zealot. I have no problem with screw tops, rubber corks, or cork corks. I’ve had crappy varieties of all 3. In fact, some of the worst wine I’ve had has been under an actual cork. I’m fine with screw tops, I really am. The only thing I miss with them is the uncorking process, which I actually rather enjoy.

So there ya go. Layer Cake… Not so great actually, but better than no wine at all. If semi-sweet wine is your thing however, you might actually like this wine. If you find it on sale, pick some up.

If you cook your bread until it’s black, that’s called burnt toast.

If your pancakes are “roasted” until they’re black? Burnt.

If your marshmallow catches on fire and turns black — it’s BURNT.

Here’s the secret: Roasting coffee is like roasting marshmallows. It’s precise. It takes patience. Too little, and your mallow is cold and firm in the middle. Too much, and it tastes like the campfire that roasted it.

And don’t get me started on French Roast. It’s like the French roasters must say, “Oh look, zee beans are perfect! We have achieved the best possible flavour from our amazing roaster! How great we are. These roasted coffee beans will have better flavour than any beans in the history of histories. We are such great roasters of… Oh crap, they burned. Oh well, it’s just a little burned. We’ll say that’s how we like it.”

Medium roast. Brewed REALLY strong. That is all. You’re welcome.

I’m still undecided, and usually have 2 or 3 cups of it a day…

• (1) Bottle of sparkling grape juice. (The kids like to pretend its wine)
• (2) Bags of Doritos (they’re on sale buy one get one)
• (3) Kid Cuisine TV dinners.

And this is the coupon that printed out for me:

Don’t get me wrong, $2.00 off seems like a good deal and all, but I find the demographics a bit off…

Since you like cinnamon so much, try the Cinnamon Challenge. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2y2KMMk0Row

So I did.

So yeah, little bump in the road. It was a tasty bump too, but oh well. Garfield is currently dieting too, this made me laugh today.

And Kate — yeah, I’ll post on your blog regarding my process. Maybe we should all be the Whatever Refugee Weight Loss Regime. Or something else that has a cool acroynym. Because acronyms are awesome.

• My wife deserves to have a man that looks good. This is largely because she is way out of my league, and she loves me anyway. That’s the kind of woman that you want to look good for.
• My heart tends to not like me a whole lot. It insists that if I’m even slightly overweight, that I must want my blood pressure to be dangerously high. No amount of fatty foods and couch sitting can convince it otherwise. I’ve tried.
• I kinda want to be alive. Ya know, not dead and stuff. I don’t have the luxury of being mildly overweight and remaining relatively healthy. My body, my blood pumper specifically, has very strict guidelines under which it agrees to keep me alive for the long haul. This, by the way, sucks.

SO, if you see me walking down the street eating a cupcake, slap it out of my hand. Actually, most of you live quite a ways away from me, so if you see me walking down the street, it likely means I’m stalking you. Call the police.

That said, if I seem particularly grumpy in the near future — it’s not anything you’ve done. Except that you haven’t fed me. And that’s a good thing. Anyway, wish me luck. I need to lose about 25-30 pounds.

(Oh, and those of you thinking I look a nice healthy weight in my videos and such — you’re very kind, but unfortunately, I carry my weight well. Very few people guess that I’m pushing 200 pounds, but in fact, I am.)

I’m sure it’s just some odd fluke, but it sure is disheartening. My first instinct is to ask, “I can has cheezeburger?“

Would you like a fresh baked bread scented candle? I’ll tell you what, I’d buy that for a dollar!

(Incidentally, “I’d buy that for a dollar” is a rather famous, if not obscure movie quote from here.)

You stopped eating smart, you dolt. You eat anything you want, as much as you want, and any time you want. You’re lucky you can fit your fat-guy pants on.

The truth of the matter is, I don’t have the motivation to cook anymore. Maybe I should start with some of the simpler vegan recipes, and get fancy if I so desire. I guess I need to look back on all the advice I would give new Eat-2-Live folks, and follow it myself.

So hopefully, I’ll get a little smaller before too long. Wish me luck!!!

First off, I wish they’d have sent me a different color, but beggars can’t be choosers. It’s a pretty cool looking device, and it’s actually fun to use. The water reservoir holds enough water for 2 mugs of water, and it keeps it hot for instant coffee goodness. It’s super easy to use, and is very fast.

Basically, you make sure there’s water in it, and turn it on. In 90 seconds, it’s hot enough to brew a cup of water. It’ll keep the water hot for an hour and a half before auto shutting off. You then put a pod (or two, more on that later) into the filter area, and press the button. 30 seconds later, you have tasty looking, frothy coffee.

There are a few gotchas though. First off, the “pod” of coffee makes a teeny weeny cup of coffee. You know, one of those little dainty looking cups that comes with a set of plates, saucers, etc. No one ever uses those things, but that’s the size cup a pod makes. It’s sad. You can make a full mug of coffee, the size normal people drink, but it takes 2 pods of coffee.

The pods are also rather pricey. They’re not unbearable, but especially with the “takes 2″ requirement, it ends up being somewhere around 50 cents for an 8 ounce mug of coffee. For home brew, that’s pretty expensive.

Sadly, the coffee isn’t the best tasting either. It’s not bad, but with it’s coffee-house like appearance, I expected perfection. The froth (crema for you professionals) is really beautiful, and the final product does smell nice. I think it’s just the age of the grind. I don’t really like pre-ground beans anyway, so ground, podded, packaged, and shipped beans have a lot to overcome.

Strength is something that might be a problem for some people. The 2 pods in a mug method makes fairly strong coffee. I really like strong coffee, so it’s actually a perfect brew for me, but most people will need to milk it up, or decide between slightly too strong (2 pods in one mug), or too weak (1 pod in a mug).

The Senseo really excels in convenience, that’s for sure. It’s FAST. It’s cool factor also helps. You feel like you’re brewing a cup of cappuccino, and the crema makes it LOOK like fancy too. (When you taste it, you realize it’s just coffee, but it’s not bad coffee)

My final thoughts? It’s a keeper. It found a home on my coffee counter. It will stay there until I get a fancy espresso maker. And because I’m an honest guy, if you come over, I’ll brew you a cup.

Anywho, I realize that Venti, Grande, and Tall sound a lot cooler than, Large, Medium, and Small — but come on, who are we fooling? I feel like a real poser when I order a venti coconut soy latte with an extra shot of espresso. (Um, yum…) In fact, 9 times out of 10, I actually order a large. Venti doesn’t look or sound like a real word. It’s like “vent”, but not quite. Ugh…

Owning, or at least running a coffee house is a dream of mine. It’s one of my lifetime goals along with getting a book published, having a cabin in the woods, and owning a refrigerator with an ice dispenser in the door. I love making coffee. I love drinking coffee. I love talking about coffee. If you come over, I’ll happily make you a latte.

On a similar note, Susan had a post regarding a photo contest. The photo above is a cup of cinnamon vanilla latte I made, and *I* actually took the photo too. Maybe next month I’ll enter the contest.

I need to lose some weight. I also need to get back off blood pressure medicine, and back into my pants. The only thing that has ever done that for me is the Eat to Live diet. While I’m not planning to really follow the plan in the book, it’s the book that turned me onto vegan eating.

My actual plan of attack is to use Susan Voisin’s webpage and blog to plan my meals with. Susan has an incredible website, and if your health is a concern to you, I URGE you to visit her site.

I may have some more frequent food posts, although I don’t plan to make my blog a food-only blog by any means. I’m too geeky for that. ;o)

Anyway, Happy New Year, and wish me luck on my coincidental resolve to eat better.

This year, due to some unexpected auto repairs, we’re in a similar situation. Our bills are paid, etc., but unfortunately, something as simple as Thanksgiving dinner would have been quite impossible to make fancy.

Last night, however, we had a heart-breakingly familiar Thanksgiving food basket delivered to our home. For the past 5 years or so, *we* are usually the family driving around delivering baskets, and this year, we received one. I wanted to refuse the gift — but it would have just been pride, because after all, we really didn’t have anything other than pantry staples for Thursday’s meal.

It occurs to me that when we are financially and socially secure, and when we aren’t (in our minds) needy of anything, we miss the boat when it comes to true thankfulness. While I don’t wish misfortune on anyone, I do wish everyone a humble, thankful holiday. It’s reminding my family who we are, who we aren’t, and who we want to be.

God bless.