A Conversation With My Wife

While driving, my audiobook is interrupted by a phone call from my wife. (All hands free, for those concerned) ————- Donna: Twitter doesn’t give me enough characters to write the school’s entire name in the “Full Name” field when I try to create an account. Me: How close is it? Donna: “Harbor Light Christi” Me: […]

The Plant Kingdom Follows Google’s Lead

In an unexpected announcement today, the Plant Kingdom spokesman, Fern Dirtlicker, told press, “providing oxygen free of charge no longer fits into our business plan.” When asked if the Plant Kingdom will offer a subscription service, or possibly sell the oxygen manufacturing industry to another company, Fern replied, “Nope. We’re just not going to do […]

The Defender of the Office Realm

  The office realm was a happy place. Mondays came, and Mondays went — but the supply of Monday repellant was always plentiful and hot. But then one foul, foul day, something horrible happened. The Elixir of Promised Fridays disappeared! Knowing the Office Realm could not survive under such dire circumstances, the king decided to […]

My Chat with AT&T

Posted without comment… info: Please wait for a chat representative to respond. info: You are now chatting with ‘Ian Young’ Ian Young: Thank you for chatting with at&t today, I am happy to assist you Shawn Powers: Can you give me an idea when our service will work here in Indian River, MI? Ian Young: […]

Photon Obesity At All Time High

Our nation is struggling with a growing obesity problem unlike anything we’ve seen in generations past. Our slovenly lifestyle is beginning to leak into science as well, however, and the ramifications could be deadly. Researchers at CERN, (yes THAT CERN) have discovered the speed of light is beginning to slow down. They fired a beam […]

My Plan To Replace The Dollar Bill

I don’t really have anything against dollar bills. I don’t. They fit in your wallet well, they are great for tipping, and they smell pretty cool. (That’s actually cool of all denominations, not just singles. Hey don’t judge me, marker sniffer.) Apart from that, they are a waste. As it turns out, paper currency costs […]

The Flowbee Sucks. And Cuts!

The truth of the matter is that I love my Flowbee. The folks at Linux Journal got it for me as a pseudo gag gift last year for my birthday. The joke, as they say, is on them. For some reason people want to see video proof of Flo’s suckitude. Here’s the latest cut…

Christmas: How Did You Know?

It is the time of year where we get presents. That means it’s the time of year for awkward moments where you must pretend your gift is something you’ve always wanted. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all about, “It’s the thought that counts” — but we’ve all gotten those 3 armed sweaters from Crazy Aunt […]

That’s Right Ladies, He Was SINGLE

I know, it’s hard to believe, but this fine piece of 12 year old geek was single. Mind you, he had a TI-99/4A computer, a black and white television, and a laminated library card — but no woman could hold him down. In fact, it was so obvious to them, that none tried. I know […]

Four Tens

Because 3 day weekends are amazing. And no one does anything really productive on Friday anyway. So c’mon world, why not adopt a 4 day work week? Also, I think the extra day should be Friday. Face it, the first day back from the weekend (regardless of duration) will stink. Monday already has that stink […]