If you can’t dance with your Mom, just stop in and visit mine. She’ll probably dance with you, if you’re brave enough! (PS: My Mom is awesome)

I think perhaps I confused my meme, and today I did “Do Something Stupid Day 4.”

This silly thing may be too dangerous for some of you, but for those daring enough to follow in my freakishly rebellious shoes — feel free. I gotta go, I think I hear the cops…

Bonus points for using all the condiments and table accoutrements.

Did you get a hideous tie? It just means the gifter thinks you have enough charisma to wear anything and have it look good. Did you get a sausage and cheese pack that looks like it’s from 1986? That’s aged fake-plastic cheddar! It’s probably worth thousands!

The one gift that’s always hard to take well is the soap and deodorant gift pack. How that says anything other than, “You smell bad, I thought this might help” is beyond me. I always try to imagine the person thinks I’m very concerned about hygiene, and knows I’d never splurge on an off brand travel sized gift pack myself. Oh, by the way, what is shower gel anyway? I never know what to do with half those bottles that come in the gift pack…

Anyway, keep your smile on full bore over the next couple days. Remember it’s the thought that counts. Remember you can always regift that sausage and cheese pack next year (they only improve with age I’m told). And lastly, hold off on your pasta sorting — your days of manual sorting are almost over!

Merry Christmas and happy holidays everyone.

This time, I’m not so great with the willpower. So I’ll give you some of the things I do to help curb my appetite. It’s not a diet plan, it’s not a 12 step program, just some things I do that help me lose weight.

Tip 1: Have Snacks

When you eat a giant salad for lunch, you WILL be hungry at 2PM. You will NOT want more salad, and you’ll probably cave into bad snacks unless you have some good ones readily available. Have apples available. Or preferably, vegetables. Carrots are great. Yes, they are one of those “bad veggies” that are high in sugar, blah blah blah. You’ll never meet a person that is fat from carrot intake, trust me.

If plain carrots don’t light your fire, try dipping them in hummus. Hummus is magical food. It’s really great. I’d suggest making your own though, because the store bought stuff if loaded with olive oil. You can make it really low fat, and add stuff like taco seasoning for a really yummy carrot dip.

Tip 2: V-8 is Great

Yes, it’s terribly high in sodium. It’s not really cheap. For some reason, however, this low calorie drink seems to satisfy a “food” craving for me. Plus, if you get the spicy kind, it leaves your mouth feeling all hot and bothered, which makes other food not sound as appealing. If you are hungry for food, a small glass of warm or cold V-8 might make things all better for about 50 calories. It’s a caloric bargain.

Tip 3: Have Thirds

This tip is often titled “eat smaller portions”, but I like my way better. Use a small plate, and allow yourself to go back for more. I like to use a really small plate (saucer size), and go back a couple times. I don’t feel guilty getting more food, and the time it takes to go back and forth allows your body to realize it’s full. Small plates are awesome.

Tip 4: Eat Frozen Veggies. Lots of Them.

Frozen veggies are often more healthy than fresh. I’m not making that up, it’s really true. If you eat green veggies (I like broccoli and peas) in mass quantities, it will fill you up with very little caloric regret. Plus there’s lots of fiber. I think that’s supposed to be good too. Be careful you don’t get frozen veggies with sauce already built in though. Like adding a bunch of salad dressing to a salad makes it unhealthy, sauces or butter on veggies negates the “low calorie” thing. I like to microwave an entire bag of frozen broccoli, put some seasonings on it (dry, no calorie), and eat the entire thing. Sometimes I’ll chase that with a half bag of frozen peas as well.

Tip 5: Drink Water

Another staple in diet tips, this one, for me, is simply a matter of physics. Drink a lot of water before eating, and you can’t cram as much stuff in. Yes, the water “goes away” quickly, but usually we overeat because we don’t give our bodies time to feel full. This helps a little. (It’s not magic though, I mean, it’s water, not food. Don’t expect too much.)

Tip 6: Beer and Wine are not Beverages

OK, they are. But pretend they’re not. If you like beer or wine (or hard liquor I guess), treat them like desserts, not beverages. If you by a 30 pack of Bud, and chug ‘em down like water — you will get a beer gut. “Beer gut” isn’t a metaphor, it’s a huge belly from drinking too much beer. Just because it’s not sweet doesn’t mean it’s not loaded with carbs. If you really like beer, get some expensive imports, so drinking one costs like $5-$6. You won’t chug 10 of them in a row, trust me. Same goes with wine. Sure, you can drink it with dinner, but don’t think of it as something you wash your food down with — think of it as a spice or something that adds to a meal. Have a glass of water on the table if you get thirsty, don’t gulp your wine.

Tip 7: Don’t Worry About Thanksgiving

It’s one day. Anyone that has tried to eat smart on Thanksgiving knows, it sucks. Enjoy yourself. If you want to try to be smart, eat slow. You’ll know when you’re stuffed before you have to unbutton your pants!

So there you go, Shawn’s tips for losing weight. Ask me in about 6 months if it worked again. I need to lose about 50 pounds this time, and I don’t have nearly the will power I did before.

Anyway, while my life certainly hasn’t gotten any less busy, it’s still true that for the majority of my day, I sit in a chair and type on a computer. I figured it would be awesome if I could transform my work desk into a standing treadmill desk. It would help me lose weight, make me healthier in general, promote a healthy mindset at school, and not take any MORE time out of my already crazy life. I say that’s win-win. (Well, actually win win win win, but who’s counting)

One of the first problems with building a treadmill desk is that such endeavors can be quite expensive. Since we just bought a house (yes insurance covered some, but we ended paying upwards of 80K, so needless to say, money is tight) I figured I had about a $10 budget. Thankfully, my mother in law said I could use her treadmill, which was collecting dust in the shed of the last person that borrowed it. That was the first big expense, and it cost me $0. Well within budget.

The next hurdle was to get my desk, well, on the treadmill. Or in front of it, or something like that. This treadmill is on the small side, so I guesstimated it would fit under the desk, and I could just raise my desk up to accommodate the height of me standing on the treadmill. I guessed on how high it would have to go, and went to the lumber yard. I bought 12 cinder blocks. (Bricks, the kind you build houses with.) They were just over a buck a piece, so while I went over my $10 budget, it wasn’t by much. So here are the materials I had to work with:

Hauling bricks is hard work. I just want to put that out in the universe. Go hug a bricklayer or something, those folks work hard for a living. Anyway, I never really measured, but I sorta figured raising the desk by 3 blocks would allow the treadmill to fit underneath it. I had no idea if that would make the desk too high — and quite honestly, when I stacked the bricks, I was a little nervous.

As it turns out, I had to rearrange this really nice brick layout, because my electrical outlet is behind one of the bricks on the right. After asking Donna (my wife) to help me lift the desk, it was time to hook stuff back up and get the treadmill in place. Why did I ask Donna to help me? Because if it was a colossal failure, I knew she’d be kind. Here is the finished treadmill desk:

How does it work? Well, I only walked on it for about two hours today, since I put it in place during my lunch hour. In those few hours though, I learned a few things.

1. Converse All-Stars, while the most amazing and awesome shoe ever created, are not good for walking on a treadmill. I will be wearing my walking shoes to work from now on.
2. Treadmills are rather loud. Probably not all of them, but this one is kinda noisy. For the price, I’m not complaining, and Donna says she can’t hear it out in the library, so I’ll live with the noise. It’s something to consider if your situation calls for more hush hush though.
3. There are very few things that can’t be done while walking on the treadmill. Really. I’m surprised and amazed at how well I can manipulate my keyboard, mouse, etc. I can even drink coffee without spilling.
4. I need a fan. Even walking slowly, it gets hot quickly. My office is always uncomfortably hot anyway, and walking doesn’t help. Since the treadmill is noisy anyway, I don’t think a fan will be too bad.
5. So far, I’ve gotten many more compliments than rolled eyes. I suspected people would think I was crazy, or just playing in my office — but both students and adults alike thought it was a great idea. In fact, our phys-ed instructor was REALLY impressed with the idea.
6. Oddly enough, I get a feeling of accomplishment when I work while walking on the treadmill. It’s not as if I’m doing anything differently, but while my “never get everything done” sort of job is often frustrating, the fact that I walked a few miles really makes the day seem more productive. It’s quite nice.

If you’ve been considering building a treadmill desk, or even just a standing desk, I’d recommend doing it similar to how I did. Try to be cheap. I have no idea if I’ll stick with this for a long time (I really hope I do), but since it cost me about $12 total — I’m not going to feel bad if I fail miserably. However, since Donna immediately claimed my awesome desk chair, if I do give up the treadmill, I don’t think I’ll get back my comfy chair…

That being said, while they may understand how to brew good coffee, they apparently haven’t figured out physics. Or perhaps they haven’t figured out Styrofoam. Let me explain.

In the photo above, you’ll see that McDonald’s has taken a regular Styrofoam cup, and covered it with paper. Perhaps so no one realizes they are still using Styrofoam, since it’s so environmentally taboo? Who knows. Anyway, you’ll see the mysterious coffee that happens to be under the paper. Anyone who drinks McDonald’s coffee very often has had a cup drip from the bottom. It’s very frustrating because you don’t expect a drip from the bottom, and since it’s dripping from underneath the paper sheath — there is no way to stop the drip. It stains your pants, your shirt, your desk, your paperwork, etc.

How does the coffee get there you might ask? Well, the answer is physics. Look at the following photo:

What starts as a small imperfection in the top of the Styrofoam cup, turns into a physics dynamo, which pumps coffee directly from under the lid onto your pants. If the paper weren’t there, you’d get an occasional drip, which your thumb would catch, at which point you’d simply adjust the lid so it no longer leaks. Thanks to the paper coating, however, the drip is quietly and sinisterly absorbed into the paper. It then wicks all the way down the cup, and begins randomly dripping from around the entire bottom of the cup.

The first few months of this were maddening. I thought I just kept getting leaky cups. It turns out it was much more complex. So my only suggestion to fellow McDonald’s coffee drinkers? Drink fast. Wicking is relatively slow. And the most frustrating part? Throw the cup away after you’re finished. I tended to use my McDonald’s cup all day, to save on disposables. If you keep using the flawed design, the dripping gets worse and worse.

So there you have it, your lunchtime physics lesson.

I know they say size doesn’t matter, but just look at those glasses. Oh yeah. You know what I’m talking about. Homeslice could see the whole computer screen without moving his head. (Coincidentally, the computer screen at that point was that aforementioned black and white TV. Uh hu, we kicked it old school.)

How did I happen upon this glorious bit of the 80s you might ask? Well, that’s what happens when your Mom starts a blog. So far there are no bathtub photos over there, but it’s probably just a matter of time.

Sadly, before the double moon set on the harvest celebration, Lagoria and Lizzanthia were on a photo hunt with their new fairies and fell upon a fierce dragon. Excited to get sketches of the dragon, both girls sent their trembling fairies after the dragon as it retreated into its cave. The girls stayed safely outside the cave, but knew that since fairies can’t be burned by dragon flame, the sketches they would get would be lovely.

And they were.

The sketches were magnificent. Everyone from miles around was shocked and amazed at how detailed the sketches were. Why, even the corners of the canvases were scorched, and the sulfur-laced smoke could still be smelled as if the viewer was deep within the dragon’s cave. In fact, it was so full of realism, the girls were forced to keep the sketches outside so the family wouldn’t choke from the smoke!

The problem came when the girls took their fairies out on another photo hunt. While fairies can’t be harmed by dragon fire, they aren’t immune to dragon magic. So while the fairies continued to sketch for the girls, every sketch smelled like fire and brimstone, and every sketch contained the likeness of the dragon himself. See for yourself!

So now, the girls borrow their mother’s Sketch Fairy from time to time, but apart from that have no way to record the beauty of the realm. They hope someday to be gifted with the Pink Camera of Sweetness and Light so they can once again capture their world without the taint of dragon. Until that day, the Sketch Fairies will live in agony, knowing they can not make Lagoria and Lizzanthia smile.

The End. (Or is it?)

So, whether I’m talking about my latest escapades with weight loss and exercise, explaining why charcoal grilling is the only real grilling (Hank Hill can disagree all he wants), or speaking geek over at Linux Journal (I’m horribly behind on blogging and videos over there) — I expect in the near future you will hear more from me.

And stuff has been happening. It’s just that you don’t know about it. If you follow me on Twitter you know more than some people — but really I’ve been pretty silent for half a year or so.

Can you believe it’s been that long since our house burned down? Dang.

Anyway this post serves 2 purposes:

1. To prepare the world for the tomfoolery I’ll likely spew upon it, and
2. To commit to actually returning to life as I used to know it. Saying it publicly kinda makes me a jerk if I don’t follow through.

So, how have you been?

And it’s a free market. So that’s OK.

The thing that fascinates me is just how much obsession and fanaticism Apple gets from their fans. It’s creepy. One look at the coverage of the iPhone 4 release day will show you just how loyal/crazy/creepy people are about Apple products. I don’t get it, and for that I’m rather thankful.

Ick factor aside, however, imagine if Apple wielded its forces for something that would benefit humanity. Imagine if all opening day iPhone purchasers had to donate $20 to fight cancer. (C’mon, they have disposable income to work with…) Or better yet, what if Apple donated $20 for every iPhone they sold on opening day. We KNOW they have some excess profits that day.

Whether you love Apple or hate them, you have to admit they do something right when it comes to keeping loyal fans. Until they go bonkers that is…

Then the day got better. I sent an email to the staff at school, and even on a holiday weekend — I got a couple replies with good fishing spots in the area!

And THEN it got even BETTER! My family went to a graduation open house (Hi Kari!) and afterward our kids didn’t want to leave. We found them rides, and Donna and I went out for ice cream and a walk around town. It was the closest thing to a date we’ve had in months, and it was extremely awesome.

AND THEN Donna agreed to go two tracking with me to try finding the remote fishing spot, which Google is showing off in the photo above. The road was deep, loose sand — and we almost got stuck! Thankfully we didn’t, but it was just scary enough to be exciting.

Granted, I didn’t get any work done today. Granted I’m way behind. But it’s also a holiday weekend, and the first day off I’ve taken since before I can remember.

I hope YOUR day was as awesome as mine, but honestly, it doesn’t seem possible.

Pretend.

Yep, that’s right, just pretend. Pretend you’re having a great day. Pretend it’s fun. Pretend Monday’s insidious thorns are cute, but nothing to ruin a day. Smile at everyone. Be silly. Walk with a limp for no reason. Talk like a pirate. Tape M&M’s to your face. Whatever you do, pretend you’re having fun. Because here’s the secret: You will.

And remember, tomorrow is Tuesday.

I’m doing my TMI-ing on Twitter. Feel free to join me. I’m using the #TMI hashtag. It should be fun, like that time I peed on an anthill, and while I wasn’t looking, urine-covered ants crawled up my leg leaving little damp trails. #TMI

• The interface is the best Netflix interface I’ve used yet. It’s easy to navigate your queue, similar titles, recent additions to the streaming library, etc.
• Activating your Wii is painless, and done online. (Like the PS3 and Roku) No need to try typing your email address and password into the Wii.
• For those of you that have a hacked Wii with a USB drive for storing games — good news, the Netflix disk rips quickly, and runs from USB with no problems whatsoever.

So basically, I have a Netflix disk for a Wii if anyone wants to use it. AND, I suspect you’ll be able to download the Netflix Wii ISO from nefarious sites everywhere shortly. Heck, if you twist my arm I might rip it myself. (But I’ll never admit it online, because that would be RONG. )

And now? Back to work… ttfn

UPDATE: Wow, look, a fancy download link for a WiiNetflix.iso file. I’m not claiming to be responsible, but, um… Yeah. You can trust the link.

UPDATE THE SECOND: Yes, it’s only 37MB compressed. It expands to 4.7GB. Also, contrary to popular belief, I’m not a douche.

UPDATE THE LAST: You don’t need an ISO file anymore, there is a Netflix channel. If you need to install the new shopping channel so you can download Netflix, but don’t want to update your system, check out THIS LINK. Cheers!

The most interesting part, sadly, hasn’t been the content — but rather my inability to handle the huge mobs of people. If you’ve known me for a while, you know that after my car accident it was difficult for me to be in crowds of people. That’s still largely the case, but I don’t seem to have that problem at Linux conferences. I thought, foolishly, that perhaps I was outgrowing my issues with crowded rooms. As it turns out, Linux conferences for me are more like public speaking, even if I’m not actually speaking…

If “how brains work” doesn’t interest you at all, you may want to bail on this blog post now. HERE is a great link that will make you laugh away any guilt you may have for leaving early. Really. I don’t mind.

It turns out people with difficulties dealing with large crowds (I’m sure there is some long “phobia” for the condition) can often speak to a crowd of people without that anxiety being a problem. It seems strange, but I can attest to the fact that speaking in front of a crowd is very different than being a part of the crowd. While speaking in front of crowds is certainly stressful for many people, for some reason it’s much less difficult for me to speak to 1,000 people than to sit in chairs next to 1,000 people listening to someone else speak.

For a while I was concerned that it was an ego thing. Maybe it ultimately is, but for some reason I just seem uncomfortable in large crowds of people unless I’m the center of attention. See, it sounds horrible doesn’t it?!?!? At Linux conferences, I’m certainly not usually the center of attention, but since I’m there representing something bigger than myself (Linux Journal), it seems a bit more like I’m one of the circus acts people are there to see.

So here I am sitting in the car in the parking lot. I needed a break from the crowd. Feel free to draw your own conclusions on my anxiety issues and how they pertain to my ego. Judge me. Be sickened by me. Call me a jerk. But please, if I’m at your conference, make me dance like a monkey. Apparently it soothes me.

Photo credit to vividbreeze on Flickr

Also, I think the extra day should be Friday. Face it, the first day back from the weekend (regardless of duration) will stink. Monday already has that stink about it, so let’s leave it alone. Think of all the good we’ll do…

• If everyone stayed home from work on Friday, that would be a 20% reduction in carbon emissions for the workday commute. TWENTY PERCENT. Looking at it that way, it almost seems sinful to go to work 5 days a week.
• With every weekend being a 3 day weekend, the regional tourist industry would be booming! Think about it, everyone could take a mini-vacation (walking of course, so as not to nullify bullet point the first), and we’d create jobs for workers in the tourist industry! (I’m looking at you, northern Michigan…)
• Saturday would no longer be the only perfect day. See, now, Saturday is the only day you can both sleep in AND stay up late. With my Four Tens plan, Friday and Saturday could be perfect weekend days!
• It’s the next logical progression to my ultimate plan… Three Twelves.

So, my fellow Earth dwellers — let’s take a stand. I say, save the planet! Four Tens for Two Thousand Twelve! (That will be my presidential slogan. Vote for Shawn!)

1) Do you have “dress” t-shirts?

By that I mean t-shirts you treat as more formal attire than you do the mountains of t-shirts we have for sleeping, painting, dog washing, etc. Personally I do. I have lots of t-shirts in a drawer, but I also have my “dress” t-shirts that get hung on hangers. For example, my vintage Green Lantern shirt gets a hanger, while the t-shirt from the local physical therapy place (which they handed out during a parade) gets folded and shoved in a drawer. That brings me to my next question:

2) Do you hang or fold t-shirts? Or both? Or neither?

3) Are you OK with a cotton/poly blend t-shirt, or are you only truly happy with 100% cotton?

For me, I’m only truly happy with 100% cotton — but if the shirt is awesome enough, I’ll wear a poly/cotton blend. I might put a cotton shirt under it though.

And lastly:

4) If you could wear a t-shirt to work every day, would you?

I totally would. I already wear my Converse All-Stars 7 days a week, if I could add blue jeans and t-shirts to the “every day” mix — I would do it in a heartbeat.

So that’s my question for your Saturday evening. Feel free to include a story about your favorite t-shirt. I haven’t had any long enough (post fire) to have a favorite, but I’m rather fond of my superhero shirts. Which reminds me… I still have to get one of those root superhero shirts.

Why Would I Hack My Wii?

There are many reasons to hack your Wii. There are many reasons not to as well. Let’s talk about them first.

DON’T HACK YOUR WII IF:

• You are afraid you might brick it. I’ve never bricked a Wii, but you never know. It could happen, and you might not be able to fix it. You could have a $200 boat anchor. (Or a Christmas gift for someone you don’t like.)
• You are afraid people will think you’re a pirate. They will. Even if you’re not. (And, you probably will be — it’s VERY tempting.)
• You are afraid of spending a few hours with a Wii, a TV, and a computer with an SD card reader. The process is long and complicated. There’s probably an easy way, but I don’t know it, and don’t think I’d trust it.
• DON’T HACK YOUR WII IF you haven’t asked your spouse. Or kids. Or the owner of the Wii. That pretty much goes for any potentially destructive behavior, but you know, it goes for Wii hacking too.

DO HACK YOUR WII IF:

• Your house recently burned down, and all the disks you bought are now forever ruined by flame, smoke, and heat. With a hacked Wii, you can get your games back without waiting the 6 months the insurance company will take to process your claim.
• Ok, admittedly that is a rare circumstance, but dog gone it, a valid one.
• You want to store your games on a hard drive, because DVDs are so 2004.
• You want to play video DVDs in the Wii. Because really, what’s up with that Nintendo?
• You want to play videos, movies, or show pictures on the TV over the network, or from local USB/SD drives. You know, like XBMC but not quite as cool.
• You’d like to watch Netflix streaming videos on your television spending only $40 on the PlayOn software instead of $80 for a Roku.
• You wanna be a dirty filthy pirate, and download games off the Internet, and play them without paying, thus robbing the makers of video games of their profits, and likely causing a cataclysmic breakdown of our economy. Again.
• Or you can hack your Wii because you wanna be like me. Seriously though, if that’s your goal, just learn to do the eyebrow thing. It’s cheaper.

The Basic Steps

Remember when I said it was a long process? Yeah, it totally is. The frustrating thing is that links will die, information will get outdated, and versions will be changed by the time you attempt to do any hacking. So I’m going to be vague enough that you should be able to find the current stuff, and not depend on me for copy/paste instructions. You’re gonna learn darn it! But like G.I. Joe says, “Knowing is half the battle.” So, you know, there’s that to comfort you. Here are the basic steps, which I’ll elaborate on later.

1. Do something awesome, which you’ll likely never understand, and overflow Wii buffers and stuff. Look, if you were smart enough to know how these things work, you wouldn’t be reading this blog entry. Just stand back and be awed like me. Basically, you have your Wii load a “bannerbomb”, which kinda crashes the system, and then starts whatever program you want afterwards. It’s super sweet.
2. Remember that Wii we just bannerbombed? Yeah, we’re gonna then load a program that will load boot code onto the Wii itself, so that we don’t have to run the bannerbomb program every time we start up our console. Because really, the wow factor will wear off, and the hacker that came up with it deserves our awe.
3. Then we’ll install the Homebrew Channel. Ok, to be honest, that program I talked about in step 2 will install the Homebrew Channel for us. Why you ask? Well, because the Homebrew Channel is the reason we hack a Wii in the first place. It’s where all the awesome programs live.
4. Yay! We have the Homebrew Channel! Unfortunately, it’s just a blank screen with nothing inside. We’ll change that by adding cool programs. Unfortunately, those first couple “cool programs” will be cryptic, weird programs that make little sense. We’ll use terms like IOS249, and Trucha Bug Restorer. You will feel as though you’re in over your head. In fact, you may be. That’s OK though, it’s not as bad as it seems. Just close to as bad as it seems.
5. We will likely celebrate now. Because really, that last step sucked.
6. Now we load a few cool Homebrew programs onto the SD card. Did I mention an SD card before? Oh, well we’ll have an SD card. You’ll be swapping it back and forth a lot. By this point, it won’t even annoy you anymore.
7. Depending on how much you want to quit, or how young your kids are, you might just start loading games onto your external USB drive now. Or, you might want to make shortcuts (or “forwarders”) to your homebrew programs right on the main screen of your Wii. All the cool kids are doing it, so you might as well too. It’s actually pretty easy.
8. By this time, the Wii is pretty much hacked. You probably won’t want to touch it for a few days, because you’re friggen tired of the thing. Your friends and family will play with it like crazy though, and never truly appreciate how much work you put into it. Oh, and they’ll all ask you how you did it. Feel free just to point them here though. You don’t have to do it for them. Once you do all this work, you’ll say, “You’re going to learn darn it!” — again, just like me…

You Need Stuff, So Get It

You didn’t read any of that stuff did you? DID YOU? Go back and read it now. There is a secret password you’ll need to go any further. Come back here when you’re done.

Good, glad to see you back. Yeah, I totally lied about that secret password. I just wanted you to read the whole thing. Deal. First you need to gather and prepare a few items:

• An SD Card. I suggest it be 2GB, but anything 2GB or less is fine. I wouldn’t go below 512MB though, because you’re going to be keeping stuff on it. Maybe a lot of stuff. Oh, and make sure it’s formatted with a FAT filesystem. Not FAT32.
• An SD Card reader for your computer. And hey, all you people thinking your 4GB SD card will be twice as good as a 2GB card? Yeah, you follow directions for crap. A 4GB card or bigger will give you lots of problems. Maybe. It’s not worth it man, just get a 2GB card. They’re super cheap.
• Um, a Wii. Yes. You should have a Wii if you’re going to be hacking a Wii. Just sayin.

Over 1000 Words Later, We Begin

First, boot up your Wii and see what version the firmware is. Generally, you want to leave it alone. As a last resort, you may have to update the firmware to the most recent version, but keep in mind Nintendo does not want you to hack your Wii, and they work hard to keep it from working. Once you know your firmware version, you’ll know how to proceed. It’s super simple:

1. Click the Wii options button.
2. Click Wii Settings
3. Look in the upper right hand corner of the screen. There it is.
4. If that was confusing, someone made a video of what to do here. Go watch it, then come back.

Remember that number. Maybe write it down or something. Ok, the next step will be done on your computer. Grab your 2GB or smaller FAT formatted SD card, and put it into your card reader. Now head on over to http://bannerbomb.qoid.us/ and follow the appropriate link. You’ll end up downloading a zip file, extracting it to your SD card, and ending up with a folder called “private” on there, with stuff inside. That’s the magic, awesome thing I talked about earlier. That will basically load any program you put on the SD card named “boot.elf” — so lets put something useful on there, shall we?

There’s a really neat program called “HackMii” that installs 3 very useful things onto your Wii. It installs:

1. BootMii, which yes, is a cheesy name, but it replaces the boot code on your Wii or something, and allows you to back up system bits, etc.
2. DVDx — this allows your Wii to play video DVDs. Because really, why doesn’t it do that anyway?
3. HBC — this is the “Homebrew Channel” I keep talking about, home of all things mystical and wonderful.

It will install these things directly off the Internet for you, so you’ll have the latest version. Pretty cool, eh? Go here to download it (as of this writing, it’s version 0.6 or something): http://bootmii.org/download.

So you download that program, unzip it, and copy the boot.elf file to the root (top) directory of your SD card. So you should have 2 things on that now, the folder called “private” (with stuff in it), and a file called “boot.elf” — if you do, you’re ready to actually hack. SWEET.

Hack It Like a Gibson!

If you thought that scene from Hackers was even remotely realistic, you’re not allowed on my blog anymore. Go away.

Good, you’re still here. Ok, basically you now follow the directions from the bannerbomb site to load the boot.elf file. The directions are slightly different depending on what version of firmware you have. It’s not hard. Go back and read the site. Basically you either go to “Data Management”, and “Channels”, and “SD Card” if you have a pre-4.2 firmware. Otherwise, if you have 4.2, you click on the SD card on the main Wii screen. There, I did the work for you.

You should get a message like “Do you want to load boot.dol?” and you say yes. Even if you would rather eat an ice cream sundae, you still click yes. Or load. Or continue. I don’t remember what the affirmation dialog is, but look, you got this far, you want to load the program. So just do it.

Now you’re going to do 3 things. You’re going to install BootMii, DVDx, and The Homebrew Channel. It’s pretty straightforward. Really. You just install them. If you don’t want to install BootMii, that’s fine. I’m pretty sure you can just install the Homebrew Channel and DVDx. The thing about BootMii is that it allows you to back up your NAND, and possibly unbrick your bricked Wii if you brick it. Not that you will. But you know, just in case. You can also use this method to uninstall these 3 programs if you get in trouble for messing with your sister’s Wii later on.

What? It’s too hard? You’re confused? Well, it turns out the folks over at LifeHacker love you more than I do, and they made a (slightly outdated but still useful) tutorial, and they even included pictures. It’s right here. You can go over there to get that part done if you like. If you don’t like pictures, or Lifehacker filed a restraining order against you, there’s a different article over on wikidot. It has fewer pictures, but it’s just as good. Then come back, because I have more goodies to teach you. Things Lifehacker doesn’t cover.

OK, My Wii is Hacked. Am I Cool Now?

I have no idea. If your self esteem and cool factor is based on the current state of your Wii — it’s likely you’re not cool, and no amount of hacking will help. But your Wii? Yeah, your Wii is pretty cool. Let’s make it awesometastic.

To be clear, you could install some homebrew apps now, and brag you have a hacked Wii. Because you do. The problem is, you have sort of a sucky hacked Wii. The biggest thing you need to do is install IOS249. What is IOS249 you ask? I have no friggen clue. I don’t really care either. It’s something you need in order to let your Wii access things like USB drives. (You might also need IOS222/223, but I’ll touch on that later)

One of the really pain in the butt things, is that Nintendo doesn’t want you to do things like this. So they make it really hard. Thankfully, people smarter than me have outlined it really well. Read the awesome article entitled, “IOS249 – How To Get Started, Even If You’re Really Dumb.” Told ya it was a good article…

This Is Starting To Suck, Are We Done Yet?

Almost. You might have noticed the link on the bottom of that last article that talked about a HERMES IOS222/223 thing. You probably want to install that too. Why? Well, because it will allow your Wii to read a wider variety of USB drives, and give you more possibilities when things don’t go right. And really, you want to get this over with, don’t you?

If you missed that link, it’s right here. Yes, you’re absolutely right, you didn’t need my blog entry at all. You could have just googled all this on your own. But you didn’t. What does that say about you? Well, based on how long I had to google to come up with the right directions, it says you’re smarter than me. Your punishment for being smarter is listening to me monologue like this. It could be worse, I could have made a video and made you listen to me sing.

OK, now you’re cool. Let’s play games and stuff.

By now, you probably understand that in order to install stuff in your Homebrew Channel, you make a folder inside the /apps folder on the SD card, and then put the program in there, and name it boot.dol. Let me suggest a few programs to get you going:

• Homebrew Browser — This is a neat program that allows you to install, upgrade, and uninstall a wide variety of applications right from your Wii. No more moving the SD card over to your computer. Sadly, it doesn’t have every program, but it does have a lot.
• Mplayer_CE — this is an awesome video player. It plays pretty much everything, including files on remote Windows or SMB shares. You’ll need to configure the config file on the SD card after installing if you want to play from network shares, but it’s pretty easy. It’s available in the Homebrew Browser, but as a warning — I had to use version .75, as the current version (as of this writing) is .76, and it wouldn’t load. You can download older version from their website if needed.
• USB Loader GX — There are other USB loaders, but this is my favorite. It will download cover art for you, rip DVDs for you, and allow you to tweak stuff if games (Wii Sports Resort…) don’t work right.

See? That wasn’t bad. You have a totally hacked Wii. You are awesome. You can brag. BUT… If you want to be SUPER cool, you can install forwarders for a few of the programs you access often (like USB Loader GX).

Forwarders, For People That Are Too Cool To Click Homebrew First

This is another thing I don’t totally understand, but it’s not hard to use. Install the WAD Manager. Apparently “WADs” are the things that appear on the main Wii screen. I don’t know. I don’t really care. When you install the WAD Manager, you are able to install WAD files. Go figure. On that website for USB Loader GX, they have a forwarder WAD to download. You basically install it with the WAD Manager, and it magically appears on the main screen. TADA! It’s really simple. The big thing is finding the forwarder for the program you want to add to the main screen. (Forwarders come as WAD files… are you still with me?)

Here is a link to the USB Loader GX forwarder. Read that page. If you don’t understand the difference between installing a forwarder or installing a channel, don’t worry. I don’t either. Just install the forwarder, it works well.

Here is the info on the forwarder for Mplayer CE that I use. Unfortunately, I had to sign up for the forum in able to get access to the download links. That really ticked me off. If you want to use this forwarder, but don’t want to sign up — here is a direct link to the file. You’re welcome.

I Don’t Care If I’m Cool Anymore, Am I Done?

Yeah. That’s pretty much it. You’ll probably want to tweak the config file for Mplayer CE to point it to your windows shares for playing network videos. You might also want to install the Internet Channel on your Wii, and then install PlayOn on your Windows machine so you can watch Netflix streaming — but that doesn’t require any hacking, it’s just pretty cool. You probably also want to download a WBFS program so you can manage games you illegally downloaded and put them on your external USB drive so you can load them with USB Loader GX. And if you’re not a pirate, you probably want to attach an empty USB drive so you can rip your legally owned games onto your hard drive. USB Loader GX does that for you, and it’s pretty sweet.

If you have any questions, just leave a comment. I’ll try to answer. Really though, I’ll probably just make you google your questions — because that’s all I’ll do. I’m not really that smart, I just have good googling skills. You should too. This is 2010 man, you should be able to search on the Internet. And now? GO PLAY A GAME!

NOTE: There are probably typos that I’ll fix later. I have to go to work, and y’all wanted me to post this, so consider this post a Release Candidate. Also, standard disclaimer about ruining your Wii, your life, etc. I’m not responsible. I think you should sell your Wii and become Amish. That’s my recommendation.

Anyway, in no particular order, here’s what I hope to do in 2010:

1) Finish the project I’m horribly behind on.

Unfortunately, it’s a time sensitive project, and the time has long since passed the sensitive zone. The people I’m working with on this project are incredibly wonderful to work with, and beyond understanding when it comes to my crazy schedule — but I gotta be honest, they deserve better. I’d like to get this particular resolution done in January.

2) Learn to use a Linux video editor.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a zealot when it comes to Linux. I’m really not. Here’s the deal though, I’d really like to make the videos I do for Linux Journal on a Linux machine. It just seems like the right thing to do. My lack of motivation for switching has been because I can already edit video really efficiently on OSX, and it took me a long time to learn Final Cut. Still, I’d like to use Linux as my primary system, so this is a goal. (Kris Occhipinti has been a huge motivation on this front. Thanks Kris.)

3) Change the way I eat.

Note: This is not a, “Lose Weight” resolution. This is an, “Eat Better” resolution. There are two major problems with my current eating lifestyle: Quantity & Quality. Once I finish resolution #1, hopefully I can take some of that time to actually cook food. I still eat at restaurants way too often.

4) Exercise.

I’ll be honest, this is the least likely resolution I’ll be able to accomplish. Donna convinced me to go into the local gym every morning and work out with her for a month. Since I’ll have to pay for the membership, I’ll do my best to accomplish it. Perhaps walking on a treadmill next to Donna will make it less horrifying. Man, I really hate exercise…

5) Write a Book.

I don’t care if it’s a little all year, or a cram session in November (NaNoWriMo), I really want to write a book. I’m not sure if I’ll start with fiction or technology — but I must write a book. Really.

So that’s it. It’s a lot, but I purposefully didn’t put anything on there I don’t think I can accomplish. If all you’re lacking for your New Year’s Resolutions is the commitment to make them, feel free to do so in the comment section. If you slip up, we’ll know. Well, ok, only if you tell us. But still, feel free to commit below.

Happy New Year’s!!!!

Over at Natuba (the folks that put me in their ad), they are having a “funniest photo” contest in which the winner will win a Nintendo Wii. I have mentioned it before, but today is the last day for entries and public judging.

That’s where you come in. If you would sign up for a Natuba account (if you’re not already a member), and go to my photos and give them “Thumbs Up” ratings, it will get me into the running for winning the Wii. If you are willing to do so, and possibly rope your friends into doing so too, if I win I’ll hack the Wii, and document it with photos and instructions.

I realize it’s sort of a pain in the hiney, but I think I have a real shot at winning — I just need your help to get into the judge’s table.

Again, my entries in the contest are HERE, and all the other entries are HERE. If you think I’m worthy, please vote mine up! (Note, some of them aren’t funny unless you click through and read the captions… just sayin.)

Thanks a ton, I really appreciate it.

But it’s a deadline. So I’ve decided this weekend is The Weekend Of Productivity, or TWOP. During TWOP, I will be disconnecting myself from the Internet hive mind. I will be putting my cellphones in the “off” mode. Actually, I’m not even sure they have an off mode, but I’ll at the very least put them in another room.

If you see me online any time after 4PM today — please scold the crap out of me. Without going into boring detail, my goal for this weekend is 15. I’m currently at 3. Unless I claim (in a believable way) that I’m done up to 15, please shun me.

If you need to get in touch with me, drop me an email. If it’s an emergency, well, chances are I’m not the person you should be calling anyway. I’m not exactly the type of person to rely on during emergencies. If the servers crash at work — it’s a school. They’ll wait. If my children catch on fire, my wife will handle it better than me anyway. And if the Internet runs low on snark, well, lets just say that’s unlikely.

Wish me the best, and if you want to contact me — you’ve only got a handful of hours to do so. That said, I hope your weekend is TWOP too!

Also, I’ll have you know this is the only hit when searching for Bliggle Darnock Marchiqua Norlanthou via Google. I have exclusivity, baby!

Yours Truly,
Quigniggly McPooterspank

UPDATE: Darn you rotten kids!

I dropped the class.

Then in 1994, when I was entering my second year at Michigan Tech, the adviser kindly reminded me I had to take speech class. I signed up, and went to the first few classes. Then, my first speech (something like a 3 minute thing) was coming up. I didn’t sleep. I got sick. I considered walking out into traffic just to avoid speaking in front of my peers.

I dropped the class.

I find it extremely ironic that much of my current livelihood involves public speaking. I think it’s even more bizarre that I love to speak in front of people now. It’s not that I don’t get nervous, I do, but really I enjoy speaking to a crowd. Whether it’s teaching youth group at church to 20 teenagers, presenting a technology proposal to a school board, or yammering on about Linux to a room full of fellow geeks — I really enjoy the thing that used to terrify me.

I have to constantly remind myself that most people dislike speaking in front of a crowd. Many people are terrified of it. Some people even get as worked up as I did in college, and would rather get struck by lightning than to simply announce “it’s time to eat” to a crowd of people. It’s easy to forget how real the fear is for others.

Oh, and for the record? That’s how I feel about dancing.

Innocent Friend
11:48
I think Michael Jackson fans have officially lost their GD minds.

Shawn Powers
11:48
His death is a real Thriller
O.o

Innocent Friend
11:49
rimshots

Shawn Powers
11:49
But yeah, the fans should just Beat It

Innocent Friend
11:50
yep
Don’t care about the man for 15 years

Shawn Powers
11:50
indeed

Innocent Friend
11:50
and suddenly people lose their brains.

Shawn Powers
11:50
At least You Are Not Alone
He was a Smooth Criminal at best

Innocent Friend
11:51
I hate you
(not really)

Shawn Powers
11:51
You Rock My World
LOL

Innocent Friend
11:51
hahah

Shawn Powers
11:51
It’s just Human Nature
But really, you Wanna Be Startin’ Somethin’ ?

Innocent Friend
11:51
so when are they coming out with the fact that he OD’d on drugs?

Shawn Powers
11:51
I mean it now, Don’t Stop Till You Get Enough

Innocent Friend
11:52
after his millions of fans buy his records?

Shawn Powers
11:52
I dunno
It’s really Off The Wall
(GOD THIS IS FUN)

Innocent Friend
11:52
Incidentally, it’s scary that you know all the songs off the top of your head

Shawn Powers
11:52
It’s like I’m staring at the Man in the Mirror
LOL
I think if he would have lived, he might have Healed the World

Innocent Friend
11:53
die in a fire

Shawn Powers
11:53
Ok, I’ll quit. This is really Bad
BWAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Innocent Friend
11:53
Hahahaha

Squirt salt water up one nostril, let it circulate in your cranium, and then drain out the other side.

It’s one of the strangest pseudo-medical things I’ve ever done. It feels about as exciting as it sounds. I don’t think it does anything useful, but there are a few interesting side effects:

1. You can feel your sinuses fill with water. It’s a little like getting a snoot full of pool water on accident, but without the chlorine
2. If your nose is slightly stuffy, the pressure induced by the squeeze bottle will do many interesting things to your eyes and ears. Namely, make them uncomfortable.
3. You look and feel like a complete idiot, and the logic of sinus squirting rivals that of snipe hunting. Apparently it’s a real thing though. I guess.
4. The most interesting side effect however, is that minutes, hours, or even days later, a gush of trapped water will work its way out and and effectively spew soggy nose goblins all over the table/computer/dinnerplate/date you are sitting near. You will have no warning, and no chance of stopping the flow.

Thanks a ton, Oprah.

Once upon a time, I did a 30 day experiment in which I woke up at 5:00 AM every day. It was horrifying, but I figured if at the end I liked being a morning person, it would be worthwhile. As it turns out I don’t like being a morning person, so that plan sorta fizzled. I still consider it a success though, because now I know sleeping later isn’t just a bad habit.

I’m considering doing the same thing with scheduling. See, I’m convinced that I’m all artsy-fartsy, and I work better without a schedule. There is a distinct possibility, however, that I’m just fooling myself. Maybe if I learned to be better organized, I’d be even MORE creative. Sounds cool, eh?

I’m going to spend the rest of this week figuring out just how to schedule things. I think I’ll need to use Google Calendar, since I already have lots of stuff in there, including shared calendars with my co-workers. If I can get my iPhone to reliably give me notifications, it might work. But I’ll hate it, I know I will.

So I have a few questions for you uber-organized folks out there:

1. Do you schedule “free” time?
2. If you get behind, how do you fix it?
3. Are todo lists helpful, or should everything just be scheduled into timeslots?
4. Should I print out my daily schedule, or does digital-only seem practical?

Thanks for any feedback. Again, this is an experiment, so at the end of 30 days I’m allowed to quit if I so desire. (And no, I don’t know what the official start date will be yet.)

I don’t want to post a screenshot, because the ad is still running through this Thursday. It’s so much better to see it in its native environment. If you go to www.linuxjournal.com, and hit refresh a few times, you should see it. You absolutely can’t miss it.

If you can’t seem to get it to appear, after Thursday I’ll post a screenshot — but really it’s hilarious. I hope you get to see it.

This evening, due to my inability to put my dirty clothes in the hamper, I have no clean underwear. I recently got out of the shower, and realized my situation too late to do much about it. So I grabbed a pair of boxer shorts and put them on. I really don’t like boxer shorts. So let’s talk about my misery a bit, OK?

• Boxer shorts are not underwear. You can feel free to disagree with me, but sadly you’re wrong. (Hey, lay off, it’s my blog) Look at their name: “Boxer shorts“. They’re shorts. The only reason they’ve become synonymous with underwear is so many people wear them as such. It’s much easier to say, “I prefer boxers”, than to admit, “I actually don’t wear any underwear — but don’t worry I always wear a pair of shorts under my pants so if my zipper falls down you don’t need to call the cops”. See, the latter just doesn’t roll off the tongue as easily.
• Before you start bragging about how great your boxer shorts are, take into account the real reason I think some of us prefer actual underwear. You ever been fishing? If you fish for little fish, like perch for instance, when you catch one you simply pull it out of the water dangling from your fishing line. It works great. If you go salmon fishing, however, you need a net to pull those big suckers in. I’m sure you see where I’m going with this.
• I think boxers are more popular with people in their 20s because they weren’t alive in the time period that tight jeans were “in.” It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that wearing boxers while wearing tight jeans is an easy way pinch things off. I’m just saying.
• It’s true there are lots of cool boxer shorts to be found. Cartoons characters, funny quips, strange designs, etc. Sadly, the days of awesome themed underwear are largely over for those of us that wear briefs. Back in the day, we could wear Underoos — but unfortunately I can’t find Superman undies in my size anymore. And yes, I’d probably wear them if I could. Shut up, you would too.
• I realize some doctors recommend boxers for men that are having a hard time conceiving children. I say get a new doctor. Sorry guys, see above mentions of pinching things off. Sometimes you gotta get a second opinion.
• Bikini things are not the same as briefs. Look, no one wants to see you in those. And if you’re an underwear model or something, and the ladiez really do want to see you in something that resembles a tiger-striped Speedo, chances are you’re not reading my blog anyway. One thing is for sure, none of the guys at the gym want to see you wearing that crap, so save it for jungle night at home or something. (And for the love of all that’s holy, don’t blog about it. Please.)
• The flies in tighty-whiteys: No one actually threads their thing through that ridiculous maze of fabric in order to save the time it takes to pull down the front. Sorry of that steals the magic away for some of you, but it’s true. They are not functional as a weenie escape route, and even if you go through the trouble of doing so, let’s just say garden hoses aren’t the only things that kink.
• So why are there double layers of cotton on the front of tighty-whiteys if you can’t use them for.. “that”? Ok, you asked. That dual layered front is for absorbency. Eiw right? Well, there is an unwritten law that says “Thou shall shake the drips off with 2 shakes only. Thou shall not shake more than twice. I meanest it, thou shall not. Three shakes is not OK, thou knowest it to be true…” So if the two shakes doesn’t sufficiently do the job, the two cotton layers are there to protect you from pee dots. Yeah, so what happens to your boxer friends after an unsuccessful double shake? Well lets just say they don’t have a double thick layer of cotton. Double Eiw.

And I think that will sufficiently gross enough people out to make up for my suffering in boxers this evening. I feel better. How about you?

Unfortunately insomnia really isn’t as cool as just “never getting tired.” See, here it is almost midnight and I’m so absurdly tired that I have to concentrate on every word to make sure it makes sense. Dirt puddle fluffy leg McDoogle dryer. (hehehe, see what I did there…)

I figured I’d take this opportunity to dispel a few misconceptions about what it means to have insomnia. Yes, it means you can’t sleep, but there’s more to it than that:

• Insomnia means you’re tired but can’t sleep. It doesn’t mean you’re not tired so you don’t sleep.
• While some methods of curing (or at least remedying) sleeplessness work for some people, for others they don’t. My examples will be for my case, obviously.
• Reading (again for me) doesn’t work, because I’m too tired to concentrate, so the book doesn’t soak in. It’s basically like reading strings of pointless words. That gets boring pretty quick
• Counting sheep. Please. I could barely force myself to count sheep if I actually had sheep I was responsible to keep track of.
• Over the counter drugs for sleep aid generally do make me go to sleep, but only in short, freakishly strange bouts of dreams. I get out of bed in the morning not only still tired, but as if I just lived through a season of the X-Files
• Work. Sounds good right? Can’t sleep, just do some work. The problem is that my brain is silly putty, remember? Trust me you don’t want me configuring servers OR writing for a magazine in this state. You think I’m bizarre on a good day, just imagine “loopy” Shawn. It sounds better on paper, trust me.

To add insult to injury, in order to actually function the following day I usually need to caffeinate myself. I’m sure you see the problem that likely causes and the vicious circle I find myself in.

So as midnight looms and I’ve already tried for hours to sleep — I now go into the mode that I try relaxation techniques and such. If things go like they have been, about 4:30 I’ll start debating whether trying to go to bed will be worse than just staying up. 4:30 is about my “point of no return” time. About then I consider making coffee.

Sweet dreams everyone.

This morning, due to insomnia problems, I was getting ready for work after my family had already left for school. As I was going through my groggy morning routine I got a call on my cellphone telling me every computer in our school district was frozen. I correctly assumed they didn’t mean the temperature had drastically dropped and rather they were all unresponsive.

My first response after hanging up was to blame the dog.

“Tux! Why are the new switches failing me!?!?!”

Submissive little creature that he is, Tux decided it was time to roll over and let me rub his tummy. I did so, but then scooped him up and put him in his dog crate. (See, Tux thinks alone time is best spent pooping and peeing on carpets, but that’s another story altogether)

I quickly found a pair of mismatched socks from the sock basket, my norm, and put them on. I sat on the couch and tied up my Converse All-Stars. Then as I sprinted through the dining room, I grabbed my tattered jean jacket from the back of the chair where I hung it last night.

Thankfully it’s still early spring here in Michigan. You see, in my haste and confusion I had forgotten to put on pants. The crisp April air on my ghostly white legs quickly pointed out the error. It’s quite possible the neighbor lady died of shock.

Rest assured I did go back inside and put on some pants. Which is good, because I also didn’t have my keys, so I would have been a pantsless maniac pounding on the outside of a school building. I’m pretty sure you go to jail for stuff like that…

Apart from doctor prescribed drugs, anyone have any good tips on curing insomnia? I’m all ears…

1) I am not the one that locked the keys in the car. I think that’s important to note. So, noted.

2) Our van is a 2007 Caravan, and doesn’t lend itself to jamming a coat hanger anywhere. Well, not with any actual hopes of doing anything useful.

3) I used the piece of plastic (a cheap cutting board) to jam in between the door and the car. The baffles that prohibit stuff getting jammed in there are pretty easily (read: hour of jamming and wedging) fooled by a piece of stiff yet flexible plastic.

4) Once I had the plastic half in and half out, I poked a hole in the plastic and set a snare with the string.

5) Using physics to both bend the plastic so it would properly lasso the lock mechanism, and gravity to aid in the targeting system, I looped a slip knot around the lock and snugged it up.

6) I shimmied the string up the plastic sheet and then tugged to unlock the door.

7) The theft deterrent system immediately honked my victory to the neighborhood.

For those of you that are visual learners, here’s a reenactment of the whole thing:

I realize with the replicator you could replicate bars of gold or diamonds and *buy* pretty much anything… but which would you pick?

1. His name is Tux, but originally it was Fizz-Gig. It fit him well.

2. Our cat is bigger than he is.

3. She reminds him of that when he tries to attack her.

4. His tail stub both creeps me out and fascinates me.

5. He does not like anyone to grab it.

6. He needs his hair cut more often than I do.

7. He’s the runt in a litter where both parents were runts of their own litters. He’s a very tiny Silky Terrier.

8. He very rarely pees in the house anymore.

9. I don’t think he realizes he’s a dog.

10. I’m quite certain he doesn’t realize he’s 8 inches tall.

11. When his hair gets cut, and his eyes are again visible, it freaks me out. I think he stares at me on purpose.

12. He will eat things so gross I can’t write about them on my blog.

13. And then licks people’s faces.

14. When given a stuffed toy, he immediately disembowels it. So quickly in fact, that it’s a little unsettling.

15. When he was a puppy, the hair matted shut over his butt. It was one of the grossest dog experiences I’ve ever been a part of. We threw the scissors away.

16. He’s neutered. (I never said 25 things you wanted to know about him)

17. He is really good at playing fetch.

18. Tux will not chase a laser pointer, but will chase a cat chasing a laser pointer.

19. His name is indeed from the Linux mascot Tux, but I never connect the two in my mind. I think that’s odd.

20. He really likes to lick people.

21. I really don’t like him to lick people, but he doesn’t really care what I think.

22. He’s absurdly ticklish, and if you tickle him while playing tug-o-war, he dances and growls in a most entertaining way.

23. When he eats kibble, he takes a mouthful from the dish in the kitchen, and carries it to the livingroom before eating it.

24. He never drinks from the toilet.

25. He can’t reach the toilet.

I’m a little surprised at how things have turned out.

I miss the caffeine. I really do. For the life of me, however, I can’t figure out why I miss it. Perhaps it is a status symbol. I’m a computer guy, and consuming mass quantities of the precious molecule sorta goes with the territory. Also, Coke Zero doesn’t come in decaf — which totally sucks.

What surprises me is that I’m not tired in the morning like I used to be. Oh, I’m still tired because I’m not a morning person in general. But I’m not tired nearly as dreadfully when I was hooked on java. Also, I don’t get sleepy around 1:30PM like I did just a few weeks ago. In fact, I find myself being perhaps more jittery than I was when I drank 3-4 pots of coffee a day.

Maybe I’m using the wrong words. Maybe it’s not “jittery” and it’s just “energetic.” That could be it.

So while I still miss the coffee culture, and the caffeine “cool factor” — I guess at the end of the day I’m happier without it. How weird is that? Don’t answer. I already know.

Sadly, my truck is off the road for the winter, so actual TruckCam will have to wait. I’ll try to fill the void with something. Yay for video!!!

I’m a Mega Roll man.

Don’t get me wrong, I always read the sheet count on the claims of “just as much TP as 3 regular rolls!” But when it comes down to it, I’d rather buy 8 mega rolls over 24 regular rolls any day. I’ll admit, it takes some mental training, because it seems like you’re buying much less toilet paper. If you can get past the deceptive multi-roll economy size look, the mega roll is king. For several reasons:

1) Yes, it’s more environmentally friendly. Not as much as you’d think, but I suppose a couple cardboard tubes and a little more plastic wrap does add up.

2) It takes up less cupboard space. Granted, we have a lot of cupboards in our house, but filling that space with rolls that don’t make it a single day is just wasteful. And that leads to my big reason for being a Mega Roll Man:

3) You get stranded MUCH less often. If your rolls last 3 times as long, there are that many fewer opportunities for poor planning that result in “butt ring” while you wait for someone to hear you hollering. And I KNOW we’ve all been stranded alone at least once, which is even worse. (I’m also not looking for best practice tips when retrieving TP while pants-ankled)

So for me, it’s Mega Rolls every time. Now wipe that smirk off your face and fess up to your sheet count.

I’ve had this discussion in real life, and people say they are annoyed by the black bars on the side of the television if they watch it in the native aspect ratio. These are (ironically) the same people that bought “fullscreen” DVDs because they didn’t like the black bars on the top and bottom of their old 4×3 televisions. Fullscreen DVDs are wrong. Stretched 4×3 video is even wronger. Just don’t do it, you make big screen TV people everywhere look bad.

Now go rent Star Trek the Next Generation, and watch it like it’s supposed to look. You won’t be sorry.

UPDATE: OMG, I see THIS on Engadget today. Can you imagine the insanity?!?!?!

I got a chair that has a bit higher adjustment, but even still it’s not quite high enough. I’m actually considering creating a raised floor for the corner of my room. It’s driving me nuts.

Are there standards for desk heights? Why would mine be so darn tall?

Grumble grumble grumble.

Since the first two goals were met, that means in the very near future (not today, it’s Monday around these parts) you’ll get some sort of short story or poem both typed and recited. As you can probably tell, I haven’t written the aforementioned piece yet. Thankfully, absurdity is one of my strong points so I’m hoping it’s a fun piece to write and read/hear.

Happy Monday!

Yes, it makes for dangerous travel. I realize that.

Still, it’s really nifty to see happen. I don’t have any photos of the ice, because I stayed inside. I’m like that. If I could stay in slippers and a bathrobe all day, I would.

Here’s my prescription for the day: Hot tea. Blankets. Movies. You have my permission to just chill with the fam. Because I’m sure it’s my permission you were waiting for. O.o

Remember those “Hot Blogger” calendars I blogged about? The ones that yours truly graces November in? Well, it turns out that if you buy one by clicking through from my site, I get a kickback. I had forgotten about that, until today, when two things happened. One, I got a note from the calendar selling place saying that 3 calendars had been sold from my site. I made $6. The second thing was that Jane emailed telling me that between now and Dec. 31st, my “cut” goes from $2 a calendar to $4.

That got me thinking. First off, I like the idea of the Hot Blogger Calendar. It showcases folks that are “Hot” for more than just their physical hotness. I want them to succeed. I’m not comfortable trying to sell calendars that *I* am in, however. It just makes me feel icky. So here’s my plan:

(A note for my vegan friends: if you decide to buy a calendar, and want to make sure your money doesn’t go toward a cow — let me know and I’ll make sure it goes toward the purchase of a tree seedling through heifer.org)

Any monies I receive from calendars sold through this site from now until Dec 31 will be used to purchase a cow for those in need. I’ll be using a very reputable charitable organization: Heifer International. I realize this is a rough time of year for people to donate to charities, even those that are really worthwhile. So I figured some incentive was in order. (Yes, I realize you’d get a calendar with me as Mr. November, but I was thinking something a little more, well, entertaining.)

If we get enough to buy a portion of a cow ($50, or 13 calendars):
I will write and post a poem or short story about a cow. I have no idea which, nor do I have any idea what the story would be about apart from said cow — but I’d do my best to make it absurd and fun.

If we get enough to buy (2) portions of a cow ($100, or 25 calendars):
I will do a dramatic reading of the poem/short story. Depending on how the story goes, I’ll be sure to use the appropriate voices. I’d expect a British cow with a horrible accent.

If we get enough to buy a whole cow ($500, or 125 calendars):
I will do a cow inspired music video, and post it for all to see. I think THIS music will be what I’ll use. I’m embarrassed just thinking about it.

So there ya go. Click here to buy a calendar. It counts if you get the girl blogger calendar too. No need to just get the guys. Heck, if you don’t want a calendar, you can always just donate money directly to the “make Shawn dance like a cow” fund via paypal. There’s really no way for me to guarantee I’m not a swindler trying to take your money — but deep down, you know I want to do the cow video, so it’s fairly safe to assume I won’t be fudging the books. Just go to PayPal.com, click “Send Money”, and send money to paypal@brainofshawn.com — I’ll know it’s for the cow, because I’ve never used my paypal account for anything else.

How cool would it be if we actually raised enough to buy a cow?

(And please Digg the article too, if you like it and know what Digg is…)

read more | digg story

Oh, and thanks for all the pokes.

Blink/Sophie sat in as fetal a position as possible in the corner of a phone booth outside of Negworth, Amsterdam. Their recent merging was, of course, successful. Both minds were now in perfect harmony, and mostly open to one another. Therein started the awful realization.

“Blink, it’s so hard because our memories don’t line up exactly right. Is that because we interpreted the situations differently?”, thought Sophie.

“Well, normally I’d say yes”, thought Blink, “But our memory divergence goes far beyond what differing points of view would explain. Apart from our thread-bonded love and compassion, everything seems different in our pasts. Even our recent past.”

“Blink, we’ve both changed. I’m a little girl living in the head of… of… well, we’re in the same head!”

“I know sweetie, and I’m so happy to be merged with you.” Blink emoted love to Sophie. “Travel back in our memories though. I’m not even sure what a coconut is, and yet, you remember — no, experienced — us both living on them. Sophie, I’ve never been to a desert island.”

Blink could feel fear well up inside Sophie. Horrible scenes of Not-Sophie, emotions of pain, and crippling terror were flooding their consciousness.

“Sophie! Wait!” Blink solidified their thread-bond, and opened his entire consciousness to her. “I don’t want you to think I’m anything other than Blink. Sophie, you can see everything that I am. I love you. I can’t lie to you. I will not hurt or deceive you.” He could feel her calm down, and relaxed himself too.

Blink/Sophie worked together, slowly piecing together the horrible truth regarding the sterilization fleet. It was Sophie that first realized the fleet wasn’t destroying planets, but rather, terraforming the galaxy piece by piece into parallel universes in order to create the perfect Tragethen empire. Why destroy a planet, when enough dimensional shifting would bring forth a slave planet?

“Sophie!” thought-shouted Blink, “That explains their need for a dual mind!”

Blink/Sophie began to realize the futility in the way the Space Force was trying to defeat the Trageth. Amassing armies was pointless, and the SF officers with their single minds had no way of knowing the Trageth were just trying to keep them all busy. Just as Blink/Sophie started to plan their next move, the phone booth seemed to change.

This post shall be the official, “Remind Shawn” post. If it’s after 8:30AM EST, and I haven’t updated that widget in the corner, please don’t hesitate to slap me around a bit in the comment section. I deserve it.

(I don’t, however, deserve the kindness of you guys reminding me — but I’m just going to be thankful, and accept it on behalf of my family. They kinda want me around for the long haul, and high blood pressure sorta negates that likelihood. Thanks again.)

The downside is that I started working at Linux Journal a couple years too late. April Fool’s website spoofs aren’t nearly as popular as they once were, so the word didn’t get out like it might have even as little as one year ago. Still, it was incredibly fun, and for the most part was taken well by the audience. I particularly enjoyed writing the absurd little “articles” that posted on the front page. They’re very short, and linked below if anyone wants to see them:

• Video explaining the editorial shift
• Go Purple for Pentium Pro
• BeOS – The King of Recycling
• Antiquated Hardware Revitalized, Not Happy
• Bloggers are Bonkers for BeOS!
• BeOS Cluster Goes Live
• Sony Rumored to Buy BeOS
• NYC Subways Embed BeOS
• Operating System Programmers Flock to BeOS

The funniest part of the day was that a comment on the youtube video appreciated my humor, and thought my geeky hairdo was “staged” for the spoof. Uh… That’s just how my hair looks.

Thanks to all that played along, and thanks to Linux Journal for allowing my idea to overtake the website.

6AM EST is not 9AM PST. It is, in fact, 3AM PST, and not a terribly appropriate time for an online meeting.

You’re welcome.

The scary part, is that upon asking a friend that lives in the south about this crazy Northern version of the beverage that is so common in the south, he assured me that it’s probably sweeter down there. (This, by the way, would only be possible by creating some tea-based super solution, which would instantly crystallize when ingested. I’m just sayin’)

Soooo…. What the heck?!?!! Y’all from down south: Do you really enjoy this sort of thing? Do you also suck the honey right out of the honey bear too? Has the heat gotten to all y’all?

Oh, and there is a particularly sweet, slightly brown snowbank outside my house.

Since you like cinnamon so much, try the Cinnamon Challenge. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2y2KMMk0Row

So I did.

So, do mismatch socks annoy you, or make you feel unique?

Last night, we went to the grocery store. It was late, and we didn’t get all the bags empty. We made sure all the frozen stuff was put away, and all the cold stuff went to the fridge. Noodles, etc — still on the table.

As we were putting them away today, we found a “Smart One” frozen dinner that was poorly bagged. It was in with non-perishables, and so thawed out. Being the thrifty (read: Cheap) man that I am, I figured I should quickly cook and eat it, so the food wasn’t wasted. Yes yes, I know, that’s horribly gross. But really, it was early in the day, and we went shopping late last night.

Except, as Donna pointed out to me after I was half done, we actually didn’t go shopping last night. It was Thursday.

And my Smart One wasn’t supposed to taste quite so tangy. Yes, I’m feeling a bit sick. I’m thinking it will be funnier after the vomit that I suspect is coming shortly…

It’s funny approximately 1 time. But that doesn’t stop me from repeating often.