NASCAR

photo-186.jpgI am not a NASCAR fan. At all. However, my 8 year old daughter went through the trouble of searching through the entire “school store” to find a coffee mug (which I do like) that said #1 Dad. We live in northern Michigan, which is a fairly redneck locale, and so the only option she had was NASCAR. I am pleased to say that she didn’t even know what NASCAR was, and got the cup merely on it’s #1 Dad merit.

I cherish this cup.

Now, NASCAR? Not so much. Don’t get me wrong, I think I’d enjoy driving a race car. I also think I’d do very well, right up to the point that I wrecked in a fiery inferno. There is this tiny little Neanderthal in me that comes out when I’m driving things like 4-wheelers, snowmobiles, dirt bikes, and I think race cars. I drive them like an absolute maniac. There’s a rather interesting story that I’ll tell someday that involves me breaking my back on a 4-wheeler…

BUT, watching NASCAR is about the lamest, most boring “sport” I could ever imagine. If you are a NASCAR fan, and you’re reading this, please explain the joy you get from it. Because apart from my coffee mug — it just doesn’t do anything for me.

UPDATE: Apparently, “NASCAR” must be shouted, and needs to be spelled in all caps. I’ve corrected my silly ignorance. (at least my silly ignorance in this matter)

19 thoughts on “NASCAR

  1. YOU DON’T LIKE NASCAR? NASCAR? THE NATIONAL SPORT THAT’S TAKING THE PLACE OF THE NATIONAL SPORT FULL OF STEROID TAKING CHEATERS? YOU UN-AMERICAN SLACKARD.

    YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND THE NUANCES OF FINELY TUNED ENGINES, DRAFTING ON THE FOREIGNER WHO THINKS HE CAN RACE HERE IN THE GOOD OLD U.S. OF A? HOW THE DIFFERENCE OF A QUARTER TURN OF THE WRENCH CAN MAKE ALL OF THE DIFFERENCE? HOW CHANGING TIRES IN LAP NUMBER 475 IS BRILLIANT TACTICS?????

    Me neither.

    😀

  2. NASCAR is the ultimate redneck sport – loud, pointless, and wastes fossil fuels.

    At least the tractors in a tractor pull can be used on the farm. NASCAR cars aren’t even street legal.

    That being said, I’m taking the 5 year old to the local NASCAR track this year. Not for a race, but for the annual school bus demolition derby.

  3. I think crashes are cool.

    (err, one moment while I shove my own inner Neanderthal back into a box…)

    Also, I knew someone who enjoyed listening to it on the radio for the vroom vroom – but didn’t care to watch it on TV.

  4. I went to F1 in Boston, which is a way cool indoor go-kart track. I just knew I was a great “race car” driver. I was running flat out, barely ever off full throtle, and cutting the curves just right. Then I got th blue flag (move over). People wanted to pass ME! Turns out cutting the curves and scrubbing tires wasn’t the way to go. Others were going full throtle around the outside of the curves, and going faster than me.

    Deflated (my ego). I wasn’t nearly as good as I thought I was. Even women and little boys could beat me.

    Haven’t watched NASCAR ever since.

  5. My favorite uncle is a huge NASCAR fan. He’s normal in every other respect, and I think part of the attraction for him is his former profession as a race car driver.

    But, yeah, I don’t get it either.

  6. Janiece – what’s not to get? It’s 10,000 rednecks watching another 50 rednecks ride around a circle at 200 mph, waiting for a crash.

    And I want the 5 year old to have the redneck cred of having been to a demolition derby. Goes with having taught her the lyrics to Hee Haw songs.

    Hee Haw songs are even funnier when sung with a Chinese accent. Yes, I’ve spread the virus beyond the US.

  7. John,

    I’ve given up on getting Jim to post his “Oh Yeah” dance video. I shall now change my goal in life to seeing video of Hee Haw songs sung with a Chinese accent.

  8. I’ve never been but I typically don’t like noisy events much. They were trying to build a Nascar track here on the Kitsap peninsula but it was voted down. I was glad. Bremerton is redneck enough without that!

    When I was a kid living on the Columbia River we used to go to the hydroplane races in the summer. They, too, were loud – but we also got to play in the river all day, it was like a giant beach party. With boat crashes.

  9. Nathan, when I’m in Taiwan this year I’ll see if I can get everyone drunk and video a rousing chorus of “Where Oh Where are You Tonight”.

    Shawn – has Lydia discovered sarcasm yet?

  10. I live in Richmond, VA.

    Every few months, we have to re-route our day because NASCAR is in town. (Either that, or Michael Vick is on trial.) Police and radio-waves are completely tied up by the [astronomical boost to our economy] influx of rednecks on Lombardy for three days.

    That’s about all I know about the sport. Other than the fact that entirely reasonable, relatively affluent, and well-cultured folks of my acquaintance are into the “sport”.

    I don’t get it, either. But apparently, lots of other people do.

    If I like stuff that makes people shudder (i.e. opera, Broadway, science fiction… the list goes on…), I can’t throw stones, y’know?

    Regardless – kickin’ MUG! Kudos, Lydia!

  11. That is really sweet, Shawn – awesome that you’re raising such a great daughter!

    My boys are somewhat embarrassed that I have a blog, that’s for young geeks and not aging baby boomers with a writing itch. The youngest wants no pictures or mentions of him on it that he does not approve – and he’s selective. The oldest, however, is narcissistic enough that he loves being talked about, even if it is on his mom’s stupid blog.

    And they are utterly humiliated by me having a facebook page. 😉

    This is all good, because I consider that embarrassing my children is a key part of my job description!

  12. Shawn, you’re making me wear a silly smile. Which after the day I’ve had, I need something like that. Thanks.

    Lydia – excellent choice in mugs. I applaud you!

  13. Your daughter is a sweetheart.
    Nascar, ooops, sorry, NASCAR – I like how you referred to it as a “sport”. It’s not. It’s driving cars! Don’t get it. Never have. Never will.

  14. Are you telling me you don’t love watching guys make gradual left turns for five hours straight? How is that not the most enjoyable sport possible. Next to competitive grass growing obviously.

  15. I actually do like listening to some of the winners’ interviews. Have you ever heard a snippet of one? It sounds just like Boomhower on the cartoon King of the Hill – incomprehensible, rapid fire, jargon-laden Southern.

    Much more fun than watching all the left turns. 🙂

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