7 thoughts on “Headline of Our Lives

  1. Powers Failure! Thousands Affected

    A local physician, Shawn Powers, noted for actually taking his own advice (and medicine), was unable to complete the healing of several servers. Waitress Union 586 reported that a cable mixup caused their servers to miss several day-time soaps, which interferred with the healing process.

    Dr. Powers was unavailable, and could not be reached to clarify his side of the story.

  2. Vince _____, a techno-empath who heals electronic and computer devices by the laying on of hands, has been the victim of an attempted murder by a technophobic neopagan group that has named him the “Great Gruagach”.

    In a Vcast interview with cult media personality and social networking panderer Shawn _____, a haggard, bruised looking Vince expressed bewilderment, saying, “I don’t even know what the Great Whatchamacallit is! I’m just trying to help my clients keep their businesses running.”

    Meanwhile, Shawn, a known camera hog who occasionally doesn’t even turn the camera on his interview subjects, smirked and began demonstrating the features of the new Tazeo, a combination smartphone, high-res video camera, video poker game and taser personal protection device.

    At the end of the demonstration, he offered the Tazeo to Vince, waking the battered victim from a much needed nap. Vince yawned, but his eyes lit up; he grasped the device, scanned the controls, and promptly tested it on a very shocked Shawn.

    The two men no longer sit anywhere near each other at UCF functions.

  3. Car Crash Produces Stunningly Amazing Video

    While filming a video review for the online Linux Journal, video blogger Shawn Powers was involved in a major car crash on August 13. It has come to light that Powers was using the camera to record himself while driving.

    Amazingly, the Flip Video Camera survived the accident and has produced some incredible video of the crash itself. Since the video has come to light, multiple auto manufacturers have contacted Powers to request the video for a study of a car crash in a truly real-world situation.

    Following the crash, Powers was rushed to the hospital where he was initially listed in critical condition but has since been downgraded to at risk but stable.

    Since the incident, further videos featuring Powers have surfaced online. Powers’ spokeswoman at The Ladiez PR have failed to comment on his current condition or the new videos that have surfaced since the incident. Rumors are circulating that Powers’ appearance in the videos is actually a highly advanced CGI rendering created through a new Linux widget.

    Random Michelle, a member of the infamous UCF, of which Powers is also rumored to be a part, said “Whatever he’s doing, he better be taking those pills at 8:30.”

  4. Local Man Abducted By Aliens, Returned Unharmed

    Local man Shawn Powers was recently abducted by aliens, but was returned unharmed.

    “They kept asking me about Xenu, and where I could find him,” remarked Powers. I think they had me confused with Tom Cruise based on a video I did. Seriously – I’m a Christian – I had no idea what these cats were talking about.”

    While no physical evidence of the alien visit was discovered, friends of Mr. Powers report he is a reliable witness. “I think they were just confused,” friend Jim Wright posited. “I communicate with Xenu all the time via my word-working skills, and he’s never even heard of Shawn.”

    Authorities have placed the incident in their “cold case” files.

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