Headache? Pull My Finger!

Yes, now the colon cleansing makes sense.See, that’s the sorta thing I got today at the doctor’s office. I haven’t really been that public with the horrific problems I’ve been having with migraines lately — but suffice to say it has affected my daily comings and goings quite severely. After another trip to the hospital on Sunday night, I decided to try the doctor approach again. See, I have bad luck with doctors and my brain.

So this is a new doctor. No preconceived notions, no hidden agendas, no reason to treat me any way other than “textbook”. And textbook is what I want at this point.

  1. I’m allergic to Triptan drugs. Those are the drugs like Imitrex, Maxalt, and the like. You know, migraine medicine. So yeah, that sucks.
  2. I have no idea what triggers my migraines. Raw onions give me a headache, so I try hard to avoid them. Other than that, there seems to be no pattern to the triggers.
  3. There is no 3. Really, I’m not that medically interesting for a 3. Apart from my car accident (click above if you don’t know what I’m talking about), I’m a normal bloke. Slightly overweight, slightly high blood pressure, and on an SSRI for some OCD issues I struggle with. That’s it.

The new doctor with a fresh pair of eyes thinks I’m full of crap.

Mind you, if it was a figurative “full of crap” I was referring to, I could write it off to me looking like a drug seeker or something. I dunno, maybe I’m too twitchy. Maybe the stress I’m under makes my eyes dart around in a “crazy heroine addict” sorta way. But no, when I say “full of crap”, I mean just that. The doctor suggested a colon cleansing.

Oh, I’m sorry. Does that make you uncomfortable? Yeah, well it didn’t really thrill me either. My colon is causing migraines? I actually looked for a smirk to see if he was kidding. But again, no.

So, because I’m a good patient, and because my health insurance won’t let me see a neurologist without a referral, I’ll be pooping like a goose for the next few weeks. We ordered “Oxy Cleanse” or some such supplement, and while I’m sure it will flush my colon, cleanse my aura, and purify my spirit — I’m rather doubtful it will help with my migraines.

You know, maybe the doctor was hard of hearing, and thought I was suffering from chronic hemorrhoids. At least that would make more sense.

8 thoughts on “Headache? Pull My Finger!

  1. I had migraines from 5th grade through the end of college. Then they disappeared. I still occasionally get wicked headaches, but they’re not migraines.

    I hope all this works out.

  2. I love this review of Oxy Cleanse, “This stuff works. Better sleep on a brown towel the first night.” Now I can’t wait for the blog post that comes after your first night.

  3. Have you considered seeing a chiropractor? Mine has helped with my headaches and migraines quite a bit.

    I also noticed that when I cut processed foods out of my diet, my migraines really diminished. I used to get one a week, and now I only get one or two a year! Sugar, alcohol, and caffeine are all common migraine triggers that I’ve heard.

  4. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

    Can I please take a big stick to your GP? Pretty please? I won’t cause permanent damage. Hmmm, maybe I’ll spike his food with Oxy Cleanse instead.

    Have I made my opinion clear? 🙂

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