Sweet Tea is an Abomination

sweettea.jpgPictured here, you see McDonald’s new “Sweet Tea”, which apparently is meant to add to the Southern Style menu that is fashionable of late. I like tea. I like sugar. Sweet tea, however, mixes the two ingredients in an unholy ratio. While I haven’t scientifically measured, I estimate the sugar-to-tea ratio is about eleventy five bajillion to one. I’ve eaten sugar cubes that are less sweet than this stuff.

The scary part, is that upon asking a friend that lives in the south about this crazy Northern version of the beverage that is so common in the south, he assured me that it’s probably sweeter down there. (This, by the way, would only be possible by creating some tea-based super solution, which would instantly crystallize when ingested. I’m just sayin’)

Soooo…. What the heck?!?!! Y’all from down south: Do you really enjoy this sort of thing? Do you also suck the honey right out of the honey bear too? Has the heat gotten to all y’all?

Oh, and there is a particularly sweet, slightly brown snowbank outside my house.

22 Comments

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  1. Posted March 14, 2008 at 12:32 pm | Permalink
    1

    “Aw, sweety, you’re so cute. Come on, sugar, tell us what y’all really feel. Now, honey-bunch, y’all just relax.”

    Where did you think that kind of thing came from?

    I like tea with sugar in it. And I’ll bet that it’s got fewer calories than an equal portion of that soda pop. But I prefer to be the one sweetening it.

    And, by the way, sweet brown snow? I’ve heard of yellow snow before. Why do Northerners always have to color their snow?

  2. Posted March 14, 2008 at 12:58 pm | Permalink
    2

    Actually, you’re pretty much right on to how sweet tea is made. You brew the tea, and while it is still hot, dump in the sugar. So you do, in fact, get a super saturated solution.

    It’s akin to drinking coke syrup I believe.

  3. Posted March 14, 2008 at 2:08 pm | Permalink
    3

    I grew up on
    this stuff. I’m pretty sure we drank it at every meal but breakfast. And there was always a pitcher in the fridge.

  4. Posted March 14, 2008 at 2:12 pm | Permalink
    4

    Yep. People down here do like their sweet tea. ;) We sell it very fast at the takeout. There are people who come in just to buy the tea and nothing else. We also offer “unsweet tea” but it doesn’t sell as fast.

  5. Monochrome Rainbow
    Posted March 14, 2008 at 2:13 pm | Permalink
    5

    You just wanted to type y’all a bunch of times didn’t you?

  6. Posted March 14, 2008 at 2:15 pm | Permalink
    6

    And did you catch the plural of “y’all” ?

    All Y’all.

    :)

  7. Posted March 14, 2008 at 2:53 pm | Permalink
    7

    I don’t like sugar in tea of any kind.

    I don’t get “Sweet Tea.” Nasty.

  8. Monochrome Rainbow
    Posted March 14, 2008 at 3:49 pm | Permalink
    8

    I thought the plural of y’all is y’alls.

  9. Posted March 14, 2008 at 4:52 pm | Permalink
    9

    Guys, we’ve discussed this before. Its all-a-y’all.

    No debate will be tolerated.

  10. Posted March 14, 2008 at 4:53 pm | Permalink
    10

    Y’all’s is a plural possessive.

  11. Posted March 14, 2008 at 4:54 pm | Permalink
    11

    Did all-a-y’all get y’all’s sweet tea?

  12. Posted March 14, 2008 at 7:34 pm | Permalink
    12

    Y’all, the word y’all is ALREADY PLURAL. Geez, amateur linguists. ;)

    You have failed to mention the kissin’ cousins to sweettea (it runs together like one word). There’s instant tea (Nathan’s Nestea) and there’s fruit-flavored tea. Both are high on my ick scale as well.

    Plain basic brewed black tea (or sun-brewed black tea) with lots of ice. A lemon wedge is acceptable but not required. A hint of splenda or sugar is ok for the faint of heart.

    I ordered McD’s iced coffee in the ‘plain’ or ‘regular’ variety once last summer. Ewwww… sweet enough to gag me. Apparently ‘plain’ just means unflavored sweetness.

  13. Posted March 14, 2008 at 9:29 pm | Permalink
    13

    Speaking as one who has lived in both the North and the South, I can honestly say sweat tea is an unholy abomination. Unfortunately, the further one goes South the more likely it is you’ll get sweetened tea if you do not specifically order unsweetened tea. In some heathen lands of the South, there are actually places that don’t even sell unsweetened tea.

    Iced tea is ideally made by placing 5 bags of black tea inside a 1 gallon glass (not plastic!) jar and set out in the sunshine until the jar is dark. It should then be taken inside, tea bags removed and refrigerated. It should be served with no more than 3 one inch cubes of ices per 8oz glass. As Jeri mentions, a slice of lemon in a glass of iced tea is acceptable; however no, I repeat NO sweeteners are acceptable.

    Hot tea can have a single spoon of honey added to it, if one is sick with a sore throat. Or the faint of heart can add a small amount of milk, but only if they put the milk in the cup before the tea (reversing the order curdles the milk).

  14. Tania
    Posted March 14, 2008 at 10:36 pm | Permalink
    14

    Sweet tea is disgustig, and I have been in parts of west Texas where they didn’t have any other kind. :(

  15. Posted March 14, 2008 at 10:57 pm | Permalink
    15

    What? Art thou mad?

    It’s simply “all y’all”.

    It would only be “all a y’all” if you had someone who was actually trying to pronounce “all of you all”. And that doesn’t happen. At least not around here.

    And I do live in the state that is entirely contained within Appalachia.

    And anyone who says y’uns gets a poke in the eye with a sharp stick.

  16. Tania
    Posted March 14, 2008 at 11:01 pm | Permalink
    16

    My aunts in Texas say “all y’all”, so I’m going to have to side with Michelle.

  17. Posted March 15, 2008 at 1:31 pm | Permalink
    17

    I’m really surprised that Kool-Aid has never made a tea flavored drink.

  18. Posted March 16, 2008 at 11:19 am | Permalink
    18

    Well All-a-y’all was the accepted version in North Florida. And Mark has an awful lot of rigid rules. Just sayin’.

  19. Posted March 16, 2008 at 1:47 pm | Permalink
    19

    It’s “all y’all” outside of the panhandle and some heathen parts of Alabama.

    Virginians and Carolinians (both kinds) do not drink tea that sweet. The northern border of Georgia is about the line where tea starts to get disgusting, although the disease is creeping into southern Tennessee.

    The Japanese know how to do it right. I am having a tea right now made by Kirin breweries that is only 15 calories per 100 mL, meaing a 20 oz bottle would only be about 89 calories (contrast with something disgusting such as Snapple Tea at 250 calories for 20 oz). The perfect hint of sweetness to counter the bitterness of the lightly fermented red tea. It comes in lemon and milk flavors as well.

  20. Posted March 16, 2008 at 2:06 pm | Permalink
    20

    @Nathan: The only actual rule is no sweeteners in tea. The rest are more what you’d call “guidelines” than actual rules.

  21. Posted March 16, 2008 at 2:53 pm | Permalink
    21

    And Michelle - it’s “yinz guyz”, not “Y’uns”.

    And Dahntahn. I want to go dahntahn, but the roads are a bit slippy, yinz guyz.

    Pittsburghese is what you get when you cross Scotts-irish with Polish.

  22. Posted March 16, 2008 at 3:12 pm | Permalink
    22

    I figured you’d call me on that John.

    Whatever it is, I HATE it.

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