Poor Telemarketer

A very nice young telemarketer from AT&T called me yesterday. Most of the time I gauge my phone nastiness factor on how idiotic the caller behaves. I vary between just hanging up, to stringing them along, to acting insane, or sometimes I just leave the phone off the hook and see how long it takes for them to hang up.

This guy was trying to sell me DSL. I have DSL, but not through AT&T. Here’s how the conversation went:

Me: Hello

Him: Hello sir, I’m sorry to interrupt your evening (and he sounded genuine!), but I wanted to call to inform you that AT&T is finally offering DSL in your area.

Me: That’s actually interesting.

Him: Thank you sir, do you currently have Cable Modem, or are you using Dialup?

Me: Actually, there’s not Cable Internet service available here, and I’m using DSL, but though a local provider.

Him: [pause as he follows a flowchart I’m sure] I see, sir, are you aware that AT&T offers DSL service for only $19.95 a month?

Me: How could I be aware of that? You told me yourself AT&T just started offering service. I realize you weren’t trying to be condescending, so tell me the details. What speeds do you offer?

Him: We offer 1.5 megabit service

Me: That’s downstream, but what upload speeds do you have?

Him: Um, we offer uploads speeds between 128 and 384 bits. (I’m sure he meant kilobits, but I didn’t bother correcting him)

Me: I currently have 1 megabit symmetric DSL, so that my VPN to work is a more manageable speed. Do you offer anything greater than 384 kilobit, or is that the best service you can offer? If so, what’s the cost?

[ridiculously long pause, really absurd]

Me: Hello?

Him: I’m sorry for the delay sir. Did you know that AT&T offers wireless modems?

[slight pause on my end]

Me: Young man, let me save you some time. I’m not the client you’re looking for. Thank you for your time, but I’ll let you go for tonight, OK?

Him: Thank you sir, you have a great night. Sorry for interrupting your evening.

3 thoughts on “Poor Telemarketer

  1. Pretty hilarious… since I manage call center technology implementations, I’m super familiar w/ tech support and customer service operations. Occasionally I have no choice but to call support w/ my own vendor, and I’m sure I drive them crazy telling them exactly how and what to do. I also register complaints each time about how their phone trees are set up. LOL

  2. I missed you, you tempermental geek, you!

    You should have let that poor boy off the hook, and hung up on him. Both my hubby and I had telemarketing jobs in college, which we still cough and change the subject about. It’s a multi-cultural living, after all!

    Poor kid. Being face to face with Yoda is a life-changing event. I hope he went to the light…

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