Proper Candy Cane Technique

As the president of the NCCAoA (National Candy Cane Association of America), I feel a public service message is in order. Considering the season, it’s very likely candy canes are being improperly consumed. The following is the only acceptable consumption technique:

1) Broken candy canes are an abomination, and must be discarded immediately. Just because a broken candy cane may retain it’s hook-like shape due to its plastic housing, it is not OK to eat. If it’s cracked, discard it.

2) Using a paring knife, or other non-serrated blade, carefully make a clean cut all the way around the cane, approximately an inch above the end. Be careful not to cut too deeply, but be certain the plastic is entirely severed.

3) Very carefully peel the end bit of plastic off the cane. BE SURE not to peel beyond the cut. If your knife cut was not complete, and the plastic begins to peel above the area — see Addendum 2.

4) Once the candy cane is exposed, feel free to enjoy the pepperminty goodness. If properly done, your candy cane will dissolve evenly, while the still attached plastic forms a moisture barrier, protecting the structural integrity of the remaining candy cane. (See figure 1)

5) Repeat the procedure, working slowly up cane shaft. Be aware that once you approach the hook area, proper consumption becomes difficult. It is acceptable to put the entire “U” shaped portion of the cane in your mouth — but it must not be taken out once placed inside.

Figure 1.
Figure 1.

Addendum 1)
If in a public setting, or in any situation that would create an awkward situation by placing the “U” shaped end of the cane into your mouth, it is acceptable to dispose of the end of the cane. In this circumstance, the hook portion is considered the handle for eating the candy, and not candy itself.

Addendum 2)
If the plastic begins to peel past the cut area, it is occasionally possible to salvage the cane by performing a similar cut further up the cane shaft.

Enjoy the holiday season!

19 thoughts on “Proper Candy Cane Technique

  1. This advice is utter hogwash and Mr. Powers should be impeached from his position at the NCCAoA immediately. Crushed candy cane is totally acceptable. And he completely ignores the technique whereby the cane is licked into an extremely sharp pointy implement. Very useful for threatening people who might want your candy cane.

    Bah!

  2. I have a friend who has a set of rules about how to properly eat animal crackers. She never sain anything about being president of the NACAoA though…

  3. Shawn’s Mom: Go to http://en.gravatar.com/. There you can set up a free account, and upload a picture that will put a picture by your name. All you need is an email address to get started. You can use an image from the Internet, from your computer hard drive, or a web cam. Although you can use any size image, you should try an keep it fairly small, because after you upload it to Gravatar, you’ll have to edit the image to the proper size and may loose a lot of the image otherwise.

    Hope this helps.

  4. Hey, is Shawn still President? It’s an outrage, an outrage, I say!

    Priorities in order: First Shawn, then Cheney, then Bush. So let it be written, so let it be done.

  5. @Nathan: The real outrage is that Shawn actually likes candy canes! Every one knows old-fashioned peppermint sticks are vastly superior to these new-fangled candy canes. Why one of the great joys of old-fashioned peppermint sticks is stabbing them into an orange and using the peppermint stick to suck out the orange’s sweet, sweet lifeblood … err, I mean the orange’s juice. Where as a modern candy cane is so loaded with sugar it’s impossible to use it as a straw. When will these kids learn… *shakes head sadly*

  6. All hail Nathan! I’m nominating him as a candidate to be the new the president of the NCCAoA.
    (Sorry Shawn, but crushed candy canes are great for using in desserts, mixing into vanilla ice cream etc. They should NOT be discarded)

  7. Ok, blasphemers… The NCCAoA is not, nor has it ever been, a democracy. We are an elitist group, dedicated to the proper care and procedure surrounding the consumption of candy canes.

    If Mark wishes to start his own “peppermint stick” after school club, so be it.

    If you want to use your witchdoctor methods of eating defiled candy candy canes in strange brews, or mixing into ice cream, or snorting through straws — you can do so. You may NOT, however, sully the good name of the NCCAoA in the process.

    I leave you all to your irreverent ways.

    🙂

  8. Pictured above: Candy Kane, a.k.a. Shawn Powers, who used his influence in the NCCAoA to plot world domination, before he was stopped by the mysterious figure known as The Batman and is now being held in Arkham Assylum for the Criminally Insane.

    Word in the Gotham underground is that Powers has been communicating frequently with Edward Nigma, a.k.a. The Riddler, and Jervis Tetch, a.k.a. The Mad Hatter, while in the assylum. As the holidays draw nearer, the citizens of Gotham are known to avoid eating candy canes in public, fearing Power’s wrath.

  9. You know, I’m really looking forward to summer, when Shawn will resume his role as chairperson of the National Association of Ice Cream Cone Fanciers (NAoICCF) and give us detailed, step by step instructions for consumption of ice cream cones. Both soft serve and scooped varieties. 😀

  10. Shawn, despite what you may think, you are NOT the boss of my candy cane eating. Moreover, throwing away broken canes or the hooks of canes is wasteful in the extreme. There are children in Africa who have never known the joy of a candy cane – broken canes could be collected and shipped to those less fortunate.

    I will not accept a candy cane tyrant as the boss of my peppermint goodness.

  11. I have been testing out this technique and I must say that it has it’s good and bad points. The first is the point. It gets quite sharp, you could put an eye out with it (or threaten heathen children that are on vacation).

    The good part is that it makes you pay attention because you have to hold the thing the whole time. That’s also bad because I like to type while I enjoy my candy cane broken up.

    So, I’ve got mixed results here… I also hate mint, so I tested this out on a gobstopper brand one. Maybe I’ll try a cherry one next! 😉

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